My mom shot herself in June of 08, she battled with mental illness her entire adult life. She tried a few times to end her life-but was unsuccessful until that one desperate night. She actually shot herself twice----I cry when I think of how horrible it must have been for her----the first shot didn't do it---she had the strength to pull that trigger a second time & that just tears my heart out! I tried so hard to be there for her---whenever she called, I was her support system---and I failed her!!! She is gone forever & I miss my momma!! It has been a year and a half & it still kicks my butt! I know that she is not hurting anymore, but that doesn't help me to feel better. I miss my momma!!! (yes, I am a grown woman with a child & grandchild of my own), but that cannot replace my mom! I believe the good Lord brought that beautiful grandbaby into my life, to help me get through this tragedy--and I thank God everyday for that beautiful blessing!!
She is truly the only thing that has gotten me through the last 2 years! Melani is my joy, everyday!!!
Suicide is hardest on the survivors---if anyone is reading this and suffering a similar loss--
try not to blame yourself---understand that your loved one was hurting, very deeply--we may never understand their pain, they feel it is the only way to fix it. Then they leave us to grieve and suffer through the pain of blaming ourselves or someone who should have stopped them, it doesn't matter--it is done & we cannot change what they did. Dont let anyone blame you, try to be extra supportive to those hurting--support each other. Be strong & God bless!!!!!
Tammy