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New To This Forum, Just Feel So Lost Since My Dad's Passing.
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Author:  Myboocv [ Tue Nov 02, 2010 6:06 pm ]
Post subject:  New To This Forum, Just Feel So Lost Since My Dad's Passing.

Hi all and thanks for reading. My name is Donna I am 26 and new to this forum. I lost my dad back in March 22,2010 to suicide. He hung himself in our family garage. My mom found him, and older brother seen him too and took care of everything with the police and funeral and such, my mom was a wreck. This wasn't the 1st suicide I have had. There were 2 prior on my mom's family. My aunt Donna back in 1975 jumped off a bridge, and my aunt Debbie did the same in 2001 morning of twin towers. She didn't know about them though, and she was not found until the 15th. So they say her death was the 15th. They both left young children behind. My aunt Donna left two son's they were between 7 and 10 maybe and my aunt Debbie just one son who was very sick at the time. He was 1, he is severely autistic and has short gut syndrome, eats by feeding tube, doesn't talk but uses magnetic letters or his computer to talk and is very smart. He is in a way better place then anyone ever thought he would be. Losing my aunt was hard because a week prior I lost my Grandma by natural causes. She was the 1st death I was old enough to understand experience and feel. Then a week later I had to deal with a death by suicide. The night my aunt did it my dad and her were out to have drinks. My dad losing his mom he wanted to get out for a drink. I guess from what my dad told me they did other street recreational thing's prior to hitting up for a drink. While at the bar my aunt got into an argument and took off. My dad thinking she was probably just heading off to cool off and home, he staid to finish his drink and grabbed a ride home from someone else. When he got home she was not there. She never came home that night and no one could not find her. I was at a friends house that night so I woke at her house to see the towers on T.V and minutes later a call from home saying my brother was getting me and I needed to be home right away. Well prior to going home my friends step dad he worked by t he bridge and heard stories that someone jumped,he put 2 and 2 together in case and he called his wife who informed my friend who I then begged to tell me and she did and I lost it. I slowly got over it. My aunt did leave a letter which means she planned it. The letter wasn't found until we knew she was missing and the searched her room. My dad from 2001 to 2010 blamed himself for not chasing her. Along with that he had other issues going on. Depression, loss of a job of over 15 years, not finding work, feeling like he wasn't providing. I think my dad got to a place where he just had enough. He tried things in the past such as the 8th floor, AAA, therapy, med's and nothing worked. He was to lost and to into drinking it didn't help any. I love my dad very much and have learned a lot from him like things or ways not to be, but I am so mad at him for what he did. I know he was lost but he hurt so many. I feel like he knew my brother was happily married with a baby on the way, and I was safe with my little girl and her dad, he felt like everyone was ok and would be ok with him gone. We aren't though. We miss him dearly. Especially me. I have always felt close to him, I was in therapy prior to his death and still am but am to a point where I want off med's I think they are making me worse. I lose it ball my eyes out for hours at a time it's a bit crazy to deal with. My dad's passing caused a chain of pain. His youngest brother committed suicide by staying in a started truck in his garage with all the doors closed up. His son found him. One of my dad's best friend also attempted suicide by shooting in his stomach but did not succeed thankfully. He is now dealing with the guilt and sadness of hurting the ones he loves and actually having to deal with it face to face every day. It's been just over 7 months since my dad died. I thought I was getting better, but lately I don't know I am a big ball of tears. Maybe it's the holiday's coming up. Any ways thanks for reading my story sorry if I went on and on a bit. I really do wish there was never such a thing as suicide. It just sucks!

Author:  texast [ Mon Dec 13, 2010 1:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: New To This Forum, Just Feel So Lost Since My Dad's Pass

Hi Donna,

Yeap holidays suck. It doesn't matter how your relative dies. I have lost both my grandparents- to age, my mom to a heart attack and sister to suicide so I can relate in that way.

I have to admit I have my moments but over all I have found my way. I found my own form of therapy that helps me get through those moments. For one, I work on this site and the care I put into it makes me feel a bit better. Most importantly in the beginning I went to a support group. That gave me a bases for healing the emotions that hit you after a suicide.

My suggestion to you is, know there are others out there who can relate. Look to them for guidance whether you search and find it online or in person. Try different things until you find something that gives you a moment of comfort. You can make those moments add up.

Sending you peace and comfort,

Author:  Pantasia [ Thu Feb 10, 2011 4:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: New To This Forum, Just Feel So Lost Since My Dad's Pass

Hi Donna,
I know exactly where your coming from, I just recently too lost a daugher from suicide/method of hanging December 25, 2010!
Its been quite difficult and the news came without warning. She lived out of state...
But you have to know, your father is in a much better place now!
Yes I know everything in this world is so messed up, many find it difficult to cope with the changes and then more stuff is thrown at them as if it isnt enough with what they were currently going through... but darlin... just remember he is with you in spirit, and when the time is right... you will join him and you two will be together and work from there... hold on!!!
Dont give up!
Hugs to you!

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