He doesn't get it!

MissingMyMelody&Mommy · **Posted:** Wed Dec 12, 2007 9:09 pm

Sonny just doesn't understand what the computer is to me! It's my connection to my other family, my friend that understand me. It's my connection to the world really. I rarely leave the house, our cell phones are turned off, usually Sonny takes the van to work so I have no way to go anywhere and if I did, where the heck would I go? I'm so so very lost. I wouldn't have any sanity left if it wasn't for you ladies. *hugs* I love you all!

Crystal

Lynda · **Posted:** Wed Dec 12, 2007 10:48 pm

Dear Crystal,
There are many times Craig doesn't understand my needs just as I don't understand his...and that is ok, because we are both so very different just as you and Sonny are and sometimes we just have to agree to disagree. Keep holding on to each other tightly, because there is nothing easy about any of this. God knows your situation and what you both are having to face right now and I will keep you both in my prayers.
Hugs,
Lynda

Cece · **Posted:** Wed Dec 12, 2007 11:48 pm

Sonny does not need to understand completely. He only needs to know that this is what keeps you sane. There really is something to men are from Mars women are from Venus. We grieve differently and there is no doubt about that.

JANE_E · **Posted:** Fri Dec 14, 2007 2:18 am

I so much agree with Lynda and Cece.......

My husband has voiced his feelings about it also, he feels being so close to other grieving moms colors my reality with too much grief......... he thinks I can't escape it because I cry not only for my loss but for everyones loss and he thinks I'll never "heal" if I don't find "positive" things to dwell on.

I've told him on the contrary, we're "healing" together....... we've all pretty much realized and recognized our grief for what it is, a permanent part of the new person we've been forced to become ..........and we struggle each and every day to find a way to live with it........... we're doing it together.

We have patience with each other, we understand each others pain and sorrow and we are there for each other when each of us reaches a point where we think we cannot live another day. That's better than group therapy, it's a point of strength........... and also a strong affection for each other and for the child each of us lost. We've spent time getting to know each other and to care very much about each other.

It's a life line........ sometimes all that I have to hold on to.

I think my husband understands a little bit more because he never says things like he use to............. and I know he knows when I'm sitting here crying.

Love,
jane

MissingMyMelody&Mommy · **Posted:** Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:01 am

Thank you all so much for your heartfelt responses. Truthfully, he just doesn't get me at all. When we first lost Melody he and I were so close and stuck together, held on to one and another, cried together, talked to each other, laughed with each other but now we are just here. We have a therapist but since the van is broken we can't go see her and even if when we could it didn't seem to help much. I'm so lost.

MissingMyMelody&Mommy · **Posted:** Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:34 am

Ok now I'm gonna finish that last post. He came in here and I didn't want him to 'see' me talking about him to you all so I just hit submit. LOL! Anyway, now our van is broken and I'm not sure it's fixable. So I can't take the other kids to do anything with them, I can't go to Melody's grave (which my cousin decorated for Christmas, with an elf and a tree with lights but she got the wrong size batteries so I have to keep up with those, LOL). He doesn't really talk about her anymore or seem to want to. he doesn't stop me from talking about her but when I do the conversations usually don't last long. I miss Melody, I miss the happiness Sonny and I shared when she was alive, I miss the closeness we shared right after she died. I miss us. I'm so glad I have you ladies here to help me though. I don't know what I would do without you. *hugs* Sending peace, love, prayers and white light to you all.

Love,
Crystal

MissingMyMelody&Mommy · **Posted:** Tue Dec 18, 2007 10:18 pm

*BUMP*

Lynda · **Posted:** Tue Dec 18, 2007 11:11 pm

Dear Crystal,
This is so hard...probably the hardest thing a couple could ever face together. I will keep you in my prayers Crystal. Sometimes it takes the power of God to intervene. Know we are here for you to talk or let things out at any time...whether I know what to say or not, I know how to pray. Love ya!!!! HUGS!!!!
Hugs,
Lynda

He doesn't get it!

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