Really missing my Brianna today...

lonelyheart24 · **Posted:** Tue Dec 25, 2007 1:33 pm

Hello girlz I first want to wish you all a very merry christmas and a happy new year... I just keep feeling that Brianna should be here sharing this holiday to her father and me... Yesterday Brianna would have been 2 mths old and we went over my husband's family house like we do every year.... ANd it was really hard I cried like four differnet times... I am really missing her ...... I wish santa would have put her under the tree with a big bow on her head.... But of course she's not under there I knew she wouldn't be but i was hoping and praying.... I got my first period after having her on Dec 23 so that means my body is back to normal.... I forgot how much it sucked having it after not having it for 9 mths LOL.... I love my little gnome and I look up into the sky and say " Brianna hunny mommy and daddy loves you very much and we miss you hope you can see me and hear me"... I went out side last night and started crying and I was screaming her name ..... Then to make matters worst not like I am not going through hell with DSS my mother sends two e-mails to me that are not so nice..... I am going to inclued them in this post.... And she writes:

Michelle, HI! Hope all is going well. When Peg sent me your card there was no return address on it. So, I put it in a envelope and mailed it to you. I was very surprised that she sent it. And she sent me one.. That was very nice of her to do that. I received a lot of cards from my Congregation and the Family .. I am sending out Thank You cards that I am having made up ... It is the least I can do for my Granddaughter and You Michelle.. To tell you the truth(WE)really have No respect for Craig (WE) did at once but now YOUR FATHER AND I DON"T HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR HIM.... YOU WE DO... I am sorry to tell you this but this is how we feel.. What Father couldn't go to his Daughter's funeral. When I told your farther that Craig didn't show up he was UPSET .And I mean upset crying ..... He said what kind of a MAN is he , he wasn't there to comfort my daughter.. That is what your father said.. And he said he is NO MAN he is a coward, your father said that.. I said to each his own.. And left it alone....I figured that was none of my business that was between you and your husband... I know I was very proud of you and that made me happy........ Your father even told me when he passes away he doesn't want Craig at his funeral...This is how mad your father is , all so he told all his Dr's about how he feels.. I was there with your father when the Dr's wrote this down. in his medical records... You as his daughter will attend his funeral he said that....We are making his arrangements now and we are having a police officer there too.. Just wanted to let you know...... I will see my granddaughter at the resurrection hope... what Revelation says: I trust in the Bible and live by it...I am very spiritual strong. My faith is keeping me going.... I hope and pray that you feel the same way.. Don't worry about Your Dad or Larry or me. You take care of your life and your husband.. Some day you will see.... Well, My supper is done and we have to eat dinner... So take care of you you are a very strong woman and will go far in your life......I know this.. I am your mother... B ye for now have to go..... all so i have a meeting to attend to... Love,Mother( that was the first e-mail she e-mailed me here is the second one the one she sent on Brianna's 1 month angelvsary)
Michelle, Just to let you know if anything ever happens to your father or Larry or me ... None of you are going to be notified. I wish you didn't even call me to let me know anything. Please DO NOT CALL HERE AGAIN.. I was going to get you a Life Insurance Policy that YOU asked me to get, but I decided NOT to .. You have a husband let him support you and let him buy your policy and if you pass away that is his problem not mine or your Father's problem..And we don't even what to be notified.... Your father and I brought you up raised you and when you turned 18 youwent on your own.. Now grow up ... Stop being a baby, and get a life.. Let your husband get a job and you get a job and work for your money....Stop getting money off the government when you both can WORK.... So, Now He his YOUR PROBLEM...And your are his problem... You made your bed now lay in it..Your grandfather's favorite quote.. DO NOT CALL ME ANY LONGER. Your father told me don't send him a picture of your daughter. I will have a copy made for him.. To tell you the Truth Your Father DOESN'T want any thing to DO with you or your husband.. I didn't want to tell you this but I decided to.........I am the one that dialed your # he told me NO but I made him talk to you he didn't want to.... He told to me to tell you.this.... He is sick and what your putting me and him through.. YOU WILL KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HIM.OR ME.. IF (WE) pass You will not be notified... And it will NOT be in the Paper.. You will Never know..... Have your fun and enjoy your life with your husband.... Yes I was very proud of you that day of your daughter's funeral .. Enjoy the ear rings that I gave you .. That is the Last thing you will ever get from me again.. Keep them , throw them out , do what ever you want to . I don't care any more.. All I am going to care about is JEHOVAH GOD, Dad and Larry and My self .. THAT IS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just do me one favor Just forget about your father and Me..YOU HAVE NO PARENTS ANY LONGER....... I don't care who you show this e-mail too or print it out... I don't care any more.. Larry and I will take very good care of your father. We don't need you... We get support for other people..More than YOU ever gave us.. And if you have any more children Don't let us know... FORGET ABOUT US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK.. please Do NOT e-mail me back...... I heard that you told a lot pf people lies about me... Say what you want to .. Jehovah is the Judge of all. threw Jesus Christ.......You will be judged liked I will be judged everyone will be judged... GOD WILL JUDGE ALL IN HIS DUE TIME. I hope that your smarting up fast. Time is getting short. Have a Wonderful life..... Good-By Forever
This is my mother the one I am surpose to turn to huh.... Will I'm done I have to much to deal with now..... Thanks for listening to me yet again girlz you are all my sisters and alot of you are like mothers to me so thank you very much for being here for me when my mother isn't..... Much love,
-Michelle-(lonelyheart24)

Cece · **Posted:** Tue Dec 25, 2007 2:28 pm

Michelle,
I have to say I am astounded by the e-mails your mother sent to you. I simply do not understand a mother treating her daughter that way. They both sound like really harsh, judgmental people. To me this does not reflect the faith she so proudly professes. Doesn't the Bible teach that we should not judge, lest we be judged? How you and your husband live your lives are up to you. If your husband could not go to Brianna's funeral because he was so upset, then he couldn't. I don't know if you and Craig embrace her religion or not, but from what I read into her e-mails to you she does not believe in the same "loving" God that I do. Her's seems to be a very harsh and judgmental God. If you are not of the same religion as your parents, they may feel that as a betrayal and may explain their treatment of you. I can not even imagine treating any of my children that way. And, believe me they have done things in the past that I didn't approve of. But I always loved and supported them. I simply do not comprehend this. We are here for you and you all will be in my prayers. Love, Mama Lucy

MissingMyMelody&Mommy · **Posted:** Tue Dec 25, 2007 3:59 pm

Michelle,

As you know I've read these emails already but I was so astounded with disbelief that I couldn't even think of a decent reply to send to you. I agree with Lucy, apparently your mother doesn't believe in the same loving God that I do if for no other reason than the passage that Lucy quote "Judge not, lest ye be judged". My mom was such a wonderful awesome, mother, nanny, sister, aunt and friend but also a faithful, God-fearing woman but she did NOT judge others. She loved everyone and felt like it wasn't her place to pass judgment upon others as God is the ultimate Judge. We (her kids) as well as other people in our family did things that she did not agree with but she loved us all until the very end, as I'm sure she still does now. Just as I feel that God loves us even though we mess up, we make mistakes and we are ALL sinners. Ok gonna get off the religion topic.

I too agree that Brianna should be there with you and Craig and I wish so much that she was, just as I wish Melody was here with us instead of us sending off balloons with letters from all of us to heaven. This is our new reality and it hurts so much. I'm here for you if you need me. If you need to talk just send me a msg or email and I will call you and we can talk/cry/remember together. *hugs* I love you, girl. Take care of you!

Love,
Crystal

Lynda · **Posted:** Wed Dec 26, 2007 9:29 am

Dear Michelle,
I am so sorry...I am totally speechless after reading such words. I will keep you in my prayers and that our loving God will show your Mom what she has done and direct her back onto the right path with you and not against you.
Hugs,
Lynda

lonelyheart24 · **Posted:** Wed Dec 26, 2007 4:34 pm

Hello my sisters and moms I want to say thanks for the kind words... you all are helping me through this as well as my husband and family that I have here.... My mother is no longer my mother I have another women who I consider a mother and was at one time going to be my mother-in-law but I didn't marry her son.... But we are just as close as when I was with her son....She is my mom she was in the room with me when I was giving birth to Brianna... She came to the hospital when Brianna died.... She will be there at the hospital again when I have my next child.... And when that woman passes away I will cry for her like she was my birth mother and if she raised me... I love her so much I call her mom and I cry with her.... She has a daughter who acts just like my birth mother and I always says you should of had me and my mother have your daughter.... I love you all and I thank you all so very much.... Hope Christmas was good to you all and everybody was so gentle with you all.... My Christmas eve was very hard but my Christmas was fine..... We went over my husband's families house for Christmas eve and there are alot of kids there so I was crying a lot but on Christmas we went over my families house and no kids there... just me and my cousin I'm 28 and my cuz is 17 so I didn't cry that much....I hope my birth mother gets her head out of her ass LOL because she would need to do a lot of good things for me to even start to forgive her.... Those letters are just new I still have all the hurtful things she would say to me when I was growing up.... Now don't get me wrong there was good times but the bad out weigh the good.... ... I am done with that women forget her.... I say this to my Nana " See Nana she just lost her daughter only different between me and her she is chosing to lose her's I had no choice.." And of course it made my Nana cry and say to me I know hunny I don't know whats wrong with her all she wants to do is hurt you..and yeah thats what she always wants to do to me is hurt me.... Oh well like you all say and I belive that GOd is the only one that will judge and NO I AM NOT IN THE SAME RELGION..... Hell no I use to be when I was growing up but not any more.... I never liked what the Jehovah witness would act like they are nothing but a cult and there are web sites that state that... i am catholic ..... But thanks again and I'm glad that I can always come to you all if I need anything... You are my new sisters and some of you are mothers to me... Thanks again... I love you all....
Much love,
-Michelle-

MissingMyMelody&Mommy · **Posted:** Thu Dec 27, 2007 5:58 am

I just want to send you tons of **hugs** and say I love you!

Love,
Crystal

Really missing my Brianna today...

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