Saying Goodbye........

Barbara · **Posted:** Thu Jan 17, 2008 11:08 am

When you lose a child tragically or suddenly,Do you ever really get to say goodbye,or do we even want too?
There are so many teenagers and young adults who leave home ever day and never return.Car accidents take so many young lives each year.Along with so many other accidents and illnesses that claim lives. So many parents never have the chance to say goodbye to their children. We never expect to out live our children!

Have any of you said goodbye to your child?

What are some ways you've said goodbye?

Or can we really ever say goodbye?

I never had the chance to tell Michael goodbye,Truth is could I ever really say those words. Maybe a final goodbye is the way to recovery.....But how do you say goodbye to your child?

Love,
Barbara

Jo* · **Posted:** Thu Jan 17, 2008 12:34 pm

I have never said Good-bye to my Kevin.

In my heart I know I am unable to say Good-bye. At his funeral, I read the poem he wrote titled "A Dream Awake". When I finished reading the poem I said "Til we meet again my son".

For me good-bye is too final, I must hold onto the fact that I'll see him again one day.

Thanks for posting this Barbara. I'm interested to know how others feel about this.

Love & {{Hugs}},
Jo (Kevin's mom forever and ever)

mommy · **Joined:** Mon Nov 26, 2007 8:06 pm **Posts:** 2

We weren't given the opportunity to see our son while still living. My son was murdered by the stepchild of a relative, they kept the shooting and arrest secret as long as they could. We had to hunt down the whereabouts of our missing child.

Once we did find him we arranged to spend private time with him at the mortuary. That was such a life altering experience.

That was my goodbye to his physical body. His spiritual self is still around periodically. Love doesn't die.

Patsy-VernsMom · **Posted:** Thu Jan 17, 2008 8:19 pm

Barbara thats a good question, for me I did not say goodbye. I was drug from my sons side and made go outside where I was all alone. I did however hours before as we went to bed hug my son and tell him I loved him and see you in the morning. I have never said or never will say goodbye, I do say See You later Vernon, each and every time I go to his resting place.
Jo I too feel goodbye is so final. So sorry to hear that of your son 'Mommo' my Vernon was also murdered by my at the time step-son.

Hugs
Patsy

Cindy · **Posted:** Thu Jan 17, 2008 11:38 pm

Barbara, this is such a good topic and I'm going to come back to it and answer it but with Johnathan being so sick I'm too drained right now. Maybe on Monday ok.
Love you and still praying for little Travis.
Hugs, Cindy

Cindy · **Posted:** Sun Jan 27, 2008 2:44 am

Well I can't sleep so I decided it was time to come back and try to answer this question. I didn't get the chance to say good-bye to Wayne and Buck but I did with B.J. I'm telling you from my own point of view that neither way makes a difference in my broken heart. They are still just as gone and I still miss them just as much. Please keep in mind this is only how I feel. All of the would have, could have, and should have's still had to be worked through. It's real easy to say at least I got to speak those words to B.J. but you know Barbara, the words came from my mouth only but not from my heart. I don't think we as parents could ever speak those words from our hearts. I have come to the understanding that there will never be a good-bye from my heart cause my boys are still so much a part of my life. I may not be able to see or touch them but they are still with me in my heart in such a way that only a grieving parent can understand. I think that's why it bothers us so much that everyone else seems to be able to move on in life and we are still so consumed with our children. It's because they are still so much a part of us that to say good-bye and move on is impossible. So I don't think it's so much a need to say good-bye as it is a need to accept the fact that it may be a long time before we can see and touch them again. I think too it's a need to know that they really are still alive and well in Heaven and that we will be with them again someday. For me I guess that has brought me much peace. Am I saying I don't struggle anymore? No, I'm not saying that at all. You know from our talks that I do. I miss my boys till I can't hardly stand it. But I know they are alright and I will see them again and that does bring peace to my heart. So instead of good-bye... it's "until we meet again". Makes sense to me anyway.
Love you, Cindy

lonelyheart24 · **Posted:** Sun Jan 27, 2008 8:26 am

Well I didn't have a chance to say goodbye... I said goodnight to her and that was that... I was able to hold her one more time before leaving the hospital and trust me I did say goodbye to her then but it didn't make it hurt any less it actually made it worst for me... I wish that all over children where back here with us.. I wish I can bring them all back so we all don't have to be here... Much love,
-Michelle-

SeventhHeaven · **Joined:** Thu Oct 18, 2007 4:41 am **Posts:** 61

Thanks for this topic, Im a bit weepy today so this is all I can say -

I didnt get a chance to say goodbye to anyone while they were still "alive", my brother my baies, I often wonder whether this would help me "accept" things better but that is not useful thinking because I cant change the past anyhow, It is what it is, and I have to leran to live with it. Ive been confused over the years thinking at certain times, moments I have learnt to live with this grief and then another and another and yet another event happens and I find myself right back where I started from.

The best goodbye I have had, in a different circumstance (a goodbye between friends who would probably never cross paths again) was the following;
"I'll see you in heaven!"
It made me cry and still does, but it also gave me comfort, still does and in times of real despairing its all Ive got.

There's a book written by a pastor, Jack Hayford, called "I'll hold you in heaven." which is very applicable to pregnancy and early infant loss.

Blessings, Maria. xxxxxxxxx

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

i can never say goodbye to Chris,i will see him again in heaven,Chris was took so fast.i dont think its ever easy to lose a child,and i believe what cindy said.

Saying Goodbye........

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