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Where to, now?
http://forum.last-memories.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=1261		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Laurie [ Mon Mar 17, 2008 12:32 am ]
Post subject:  Where to, now?
Hello. It's been months since I've posted here, even since I've read posts here, really. It seems like I've just been paralyzed and hiding away in a dark hole. I'm trying to crawl out of it, at least for now. I did post a long while back in the one at the top about re-introducing ourselves.

So....... Now I begin the third year without my beloved son. I am clueless. I'm past the numb, auto pilot stage. Past the terrible (and worse for different reasons than the first year) second year. Am I supposed to be getting to some kind of "moving on," or acceptance? That idea feels wrong. I just fight against this reality. It feels wrong to imagine some kind of life with the kind of thinking, "Yes, my son died..." Like that's some how supposed to fit into the grand scheme of the rest of my life, as if I lost an arm and learned how to live without it and have a full life. Don't know if I'm making any sense at all. Lots of new, unsettling thoughts going through my mind. Just when I thought I was figuring parts of this out, I have to turn down another road into this third year.
Author:  Cindy [ Mon Mar 17, 2008 1:28 am ]
Post subject: 
Laurie, I told you when I e-mailed you that I might not answer this post but now that I've read it you know me I can't seem to be quiet sometimes. Laurie, this year will have to be taken like the past two have been, one day or one minute at a time.
"Yes, my son died..." Like that's some how supposed to fit into the grand scheme of the rest of my life, as if I lost an arm and learned how to live without it and have a full life.
Laurie, there's so much more to it than that but I do believe that in time good is going to be brought about by all we have been through. It doesn't make it ok but it at least gives some purpose to it all in some sort of way that I'm having a hard time explaining. I will tell you from what I've found out for myself, after we turn down enough of those unknown roads we begin to find healing or maybe healing finds us. All I know is I have a hope now that I didn't have for a long long time. It's just a long hard road to travel but Laurie, we don't have to travel it alone. We have each other and we have the Lord. We're going to make it if we just continue on.
Love hugs and many prayers, Cindy
Author:  Jo* [ Mon Mar 17, 2008 9:20 am ]
Post subject: 
Laurie,

I understand the words you have written. My journey is now at 2 years 8 months and 5 days, and although some things are different, in so many ways I still feel as I did the day Kevin left, I've just learned to hide it from everyone else.

In a few short months it will be 3years...and I haven't a clue as to what I am supposed to do, or should do, or could do or may do. It seems as if my grief has now settled into an empty place in my heart. I still pretty much fly on auto pilot, feeling numb and empty on the inside. For me, I just have to take life one day at a time.

Take my hand as we travel this journey together...that way if either of us stumble..the other one will help to break the fall.

Love & {{Hugs}}
Jo (kevin's mom forever and ever)
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