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 Post subject: It took me back ......
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:43 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2007 4:41 am
Posts: 61
Dear All,

I hope I can share this with you all, as I need to talk about it .......
I know Im not around often and some of you dont know me ....... anyhow.

Over the last year or more our youngest two earth angels have had developmental issues and have required many assessments, therapies from our local hospital which is for both Women and Children. Its the same hospital that I birthed Pieta and where I needed to go to theatre after loosing Amore in the emergency department.

Ive never consciously thought about it before yesterday ............ but as I was taking our youngest earth angel to the hospital for one of many of his routine visits we always go in through the Women's section ( parking reasons) and walk down this long corridor with many turns to get to the Childrens section.

As we first go into the building, behind the lifts are big double doors that lead to the operating theatre.

For the first time in 18 months or more as we walk past the double doors, they were open and there was a patient being wheeeld on a gurney that presumably was just leaving or going to theatre.

As I settle down in the treatment room the therapist asks twice if Im alright, I say Im ok,
and focus on the task at hand.
I wasnt quite myself though and was very self conscious, anxious and withdrawn.
Having said that I participated as fully as I could.

I needed to return to the car asap as I had to pick up the girls from school. As we passed the double doors along the corridor again, I was welling up with tears.
I let them all go as I drive back to school.

So many memories and emotions, still bring back so much confusion, despair and fear.
Not only for my AngelBabys' - I had birth trauma with our eldest and also with our youngest, a bungle with blood tests prior to his delivery put us both at risk.

Ive gone beyond wanting people to understand anymore, so so mamy of these feeligns are just private to me.
I cant explain it, its sort of like an extra grief to have had that trauma as well with our youngest, made especially more prominent with his diagnosis of autism.

Thanks for listening.
I think of you all and our angels daily.
Love, prayers, hugs and blessings, Maria. xxxxxxxxx

_________________
Amore, Cara, Teressa & Pieta ~ AngelBabys', AngelStars.

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Pieta ~ "Mercy, Compassion, Love.
Love is for giving, forgiving."

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"We are all special, have worth and talents and are
deserving of love and capable of loving."
Peter Zollo.


http://www.freewebs.com/pregnancyloss-hope/index.htm


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 9:00 pm 
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Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2007 12:57 pm
Posts: 578
Location: Texas
Oh Maria, I'm so sorry. What you said happened to you is so normal. Why it's taken this long is probably because the Lord knew you couldn't have handled it before now. Just the fact that you were able to keep it together as well as you did through the appointment shows me the Lord was with you and helping you to handle it. And I'm so glad you went ahead and broke and cried after wards. That's the best thing you could have done even though I know at the time it hurt so much. I know you say you've moved beyond wanting people to understand, but Maria my special friend, there are those of us that do understand and we're here for you. I'm glad you were able to share some of your pain with us. If we help carry each others then somehow our own isn't quiet so heavy and hard to bare.
I've told you before and I will tell you again. The Lord knew what he was doing when he chose you to be mommy to his special children. I know it's hard but Maria you've been trusted in a way that many will never be. May he continue to give you the strength and courage you need to continue to love and care for his sweet little ones. And may he continue to heal your broken heart.

Love and prayers for you always, Cindy

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:00 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2007 4:41 am
Posts: 61
Dearest Cindy,
You are an amazing friend to us all and Im so grateful for your response to me.

I believe it is as you say that The Lord knows when our minds and hearts can tolerate a lil more healing. Thank you for reminding me whilst there are many that cannot understand, no judgment here, there are many that do and I dont know why Im just so raw and fragile to want to share too much.
There are many days I feel like a piece of blown glass and Im just so scared of breaking, I dont think I could stand it - I have been working with someone who has helped me to see that understandably from my earliest grief as a child, I am more "sensitive" (cant think of the proper word) ...........

Im a lil lost for words at the moment Cindy, but please know Im so appreciative of your words to me, they encourage me and help me to believe I am good enough for my earth angels.

Love and blessings, Maria. xxxxxxxxx

_________________
Amore, Cara, Teressa & Pieta ~ AngelBabys', AngelStars.

Image
Pieta ~ "Mercy, Compassion, Love.
Love is for giving, forgiving."

Image
"We are all special, have worth and talents and are
deserving of love and capable of loving."
Peter Zollo.


http://www.freewebs.com/pregnancyloss-hope/index.htm


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