Dear All,
I hope I can share this with you all, as I need to talk about it .......
I know Im not around often and some of you dont know me ....... anyhow.
Over the last year or more our youngest two earth angels have had developmental issues and have required many assessments, therapies from our local hospital which is for both Women and Children. Its the same hospital that I birthed Pieta and where I needed to go to theatre after loosing Amore in the emergency department.
Ive never consciously thought about it before yesterday ............ but as I was taking our youngest earth angel to the hospital for one of many of his routine visits we always go in through the Women's section ( parking reasons) and walk down this long corridor with many turns to get to the Childrens section.
As we first go into the building, behind the lifts are big double doors that lead to the operating theatre.
For the first time in 18 months or more as we walk past the double doors, they were open and there was a patient being wheeeld on a gurney that presumably was just leaving or going to theatre.
As I settle down in the treatment room the therapist asks twice if Im alright, I say Im ok,
and focus on the task at hand.
I wasnt quite myself though and was very self conscious, anxious and withdrawn.
Having said that I participated as fully as I could.
I needed to return to the car asap as I had to pick up the girls from school. As we passed the double doors along the corridor again, I was welling up with tears.
I let them all go as I drive back to school.
So many memories and emotions, still bring back so much confusion, despair and fear.
Not only for my AngelBabys' - I had birth trauma with our eldest and also with our youngest, a bungle with blood tests prior to his delivery put us both at risk.
Ive gone beyond wanting people to understand anymore, so so mamy of these feeligns are just private to me.
I cant explain it, its sort of like an extra grief to have had that trauma as well with our youngest, made especially more prominent with his diagnosis of autism.
Thanks for listening.
I think of you all and our angels daily.
Love, prayers, hugs and blessings, Maria. xxxxxxxxx
_________________ Amore, Cara, Teressa & Pieta ~ AngelBabys', AngelStars.
Pieta ~ "Mercy, Compassion, Love.
Love is for giving, forgiving."
"We are all special, have worth and talents and are
deserving of love and capable of loving."
Peter Zollo.
http://www.freewebs.com/pregnancyloss-hope/index.htm
|