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| Am I taking this the wrong way??? http://forum.last-memories.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=1325 |
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| Author: | txlouise [ Mon May 26, 2008 2:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Am I taking this the wrong way??? |
Hi guys, I want to share something with you and get your opinion on it. I came across this article and really feel like this women is mocking people that are grieving hard for their loss love ones.Now I know that I can be a little sensitive since i lost my daughter,but this is really bad.I am going to give you the link to her article,then i will post what i e-mailed her.I want to know what you guys think? Love,Louise http://www.torontosun.com/News/Columnis ... 61-sun.php Here is my e-mail to her and if you feel the same, e-mail her and let her know . Well now I have heard everything.Mocking people that are grieving?You obviously have never grieved hard for someone close and you know what? I hope you never do because it is so hard and life changing .Here is something another grieving mom and I wrote about 6 months after our beloved children died.The reason it sounds angry is because we had just lost our children 6 months ago and some well meaning people told us to get over it.My daughter was 23 my friends son was 22 and we were told to get over it in 6 months!!!!! I hope you read this with an open mind and really try to put yourself in the position of a grieving parent It might gain you some much needed insight. Thank you Louise Lagerman I want you to try to imagine the worst thing in the world, that your beloved child died.. let me explain to you the reality...try to imagine, if you can, never seeing your child again, never hearing her laugh, never hearing the sound of their voice, never smelling the scent you have come to recognize as your child.. never hearing them say "I love you"...nothing - just silence, emptiness.. now imagine never seeing your child's smile, never seeing her upset or happy, never watching her sleep...missing them so much that you are twisted up inside and the pain stays with you 24/7, you smell their pillow, their clothes, you look at her pictures and can only cry - what happened, why!?.. you have never felt longing like this in your life! longing to hear her voice, to see her face again,...and to know deep in your soul you cannot fix it. now imagine every single thing that used to give you joy and pleasure turns into hurt and despair overnight. not a gradual thing, but going from pleasure to hurt, from happiness to sadness, from peace to no peace, changing overnight. every thing you loved now hurts like heck... For example: music, i used to love music, it gave me pleasure, i didn't realize how much music was a part of my life and how it is everywhere, now I cannot listen to it, it sears me like a red hot knife with the pain of losing my child, it cuts me wide open.. like the old song, the day the music died, that's me, and believe it or not, almost every song reminds me of the void in my life without my child, i am not unique in that pain - if you lost a child you would know. .that is just one little example of how your life is affected by the loss of your child. Just ONE example! you feel the loss with every thought, every emotion, The loss bleeds into every aspect of your life. even with your other children, you still love your other children just as much as always, but as hard as it is, even they hurt you now, because when you see them you feel the LOSS, the loss of the child that died not being with their siblings. it doesn't fit, there is a piece missing, your whole life doesn't fit anymore. everything that felt right, now feels wrong. and of course there is always the missing, the horrible gut wrenching, out of your control missing... as good parents we were always able to fix things or make things better for our children.. this we cannot fix, cannot make it better. so on top of everything else you are feeling, you also feel helpless..out of control and hopeless...and this is universal, every parent that truly their child will feel this. are you starting to imagine now how it feels? and you are doing this exercise for 10 minutes, imagine, really imagine, feeling this way 24/7 - day after day, month after month, and no matter what you are doing or who you are talking to, a tape of your child plays over and over in your mind. your child when she was a baby, a laughing happy little girl, a cute young teen, a wonderful young man or women and it always plays in your head and you do not want to forget even a single second of your beautiful child's life...but that is a fear you have, that as time passes you will start to forget...so now, add FEAR to the list of emotions. this is what it really feels like. a part of you has died, don't just read the words, FEEL them - died, gone forever... a real, beautiful, living part of you has died... and you are still living, left behind to try to pick up the pieces of your shattered life and not having a clue where to even begin. No wonder a high percentage of marriages break up, parents have breakdowns, turn to alcohol, drugs or a destructive way of life. NO WONDER!!!!! A part of you does not exist anymore and it is scary as heck.. that is why they say the loss of a child is like no other loss.. you cannot compare it to another loss, with other losses you grieve and you are of course sad, but when your child dies, a part of you ceases to exist, gone just like that, gone no warning, just gone. And the life that you knew, the things you always felt, the things in your life that made sense, that you held on to, that makes up who you are - are Gone!!!That is why when parents who have lost children hear "I want the old you back", "it's been a year (a month, 6 month-whatever), don't you feel better yet?" "You are doing this to yourself, you're making it harder on yourself", "grief can become a selfish thing you know", we can only shake our heads and feel sadness and hopelessness, because there is no way our lives will ever be like it was when our child was alive. No wonder bereaved parents isolate themselves, we are just trying to hold on. So were you able to imagine for 10 minutes what it must feel like? even 2 minutes is too long to imagine the unimaginable, to feel the pain, i would not wish it any anyone, but did you get a sense of how life-changing it is? imagine you feel this 24/7, not even getting a moments relief from it! now go on and put on your favorite CD to listen to, enjoy the music..go home and hug your child, listen to them laugh, watch her smile, smell the scent that you know is them and do not tell me how I should feel or that i am holding onto this, or that my friends/family must be tired of watching me go through this, because if you haven't lost a beloved child of yours, you haven't got a clue. Now when you hear these words "the presence of his absence is everywhere", will you finally understand? written by Louise and Diana |
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| Author: | chris,s mom [ Mon May 26, 2008 4:00 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
what a sad misinformed woman |
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| Author: | Cece [ Mon May 26, 2008 9:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
This women has obviously never lost a child!!! |
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| Author: | Lynda [ Tue May 27, 2008 7:44 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
WOW ~ This woman only brought me anger as I read her words. I feel bad for her children, spouse, parents, etc...because when they are forever gone, she will apparently (her own words here, not mine)"Meanwhile, I admire the Jewish way. People are buried within 24 hours of death and for the next few days mourners sit shiva at home. People allow you space to grieve as deeply as you want -- and then it's over. Life goes on. Get over it." I almost wonder if she even is a mother! Louise, I like what you wrote to her. Your words spoke my life as it is now, as well. I will have to sit and ponder this one for a bit before writing to her...I don't even know what to say to such an arrogant and insensitive woman. Thank God I have not ran into nor do I do know many people like herself, only knew of a few in which I quickly cut all ties with...I apologize to all of you for such arrogance that walks this earth. Much love to all of my friends and your sweet angels. Know that their names will never go unsaid and they will always be remembered...this woman obviously doesn't know what she is talking about. Hugs, Lynda |
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| Author: | Cindy [ Tue May 27, 2008 10:59 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Hi Louise, I agree with you completely. You didn't take this woman words wrong. Something tells me though that she said what she said just to upset people and see what kind of response she could get out of people that are grieving. All I know is she better hope and pray she never has to face this terrible grief, especially the loss of a child. You did very well in your e-mail to her explaining what it's like even though we know that simple words still can't explain what it's really like for us. Plain and simple, if you haven't been forced to live it you will never understand what it's really like. Hugs, Cindy |
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| Author: | txlouise [ Tue May 27, 2008 8:30 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks guys You are all so awesome and I am so sorry for your losses as well. This lady is really something ,to mock people for grieving is just unacceptable.Everyone has lost some one that they love and have grieved Everyone. Thanks you for your beautiful kind words and I hope our letter's will soften this women's heart. Love you guys Louise |
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| Author: | txlouise [ Thu May 29, 2008 7:21 pm ] |
| Post subject: | some printed responses |
Thank you all so much for your opinions and input. There were a couple of printed responses in the newspaper. Read this 
Once you click on the link you have to scroll down a little and there are a couple of responses that were printed. Connie Woodcock and her editor make me sick!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.torontosun.com/Comment/Lette ... 76241.html |
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| Author: | Susan [ Thu May 29, 2008 8:49 pm ] |
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Hi everyone, I haven't been in here in so long, so thought I would stop by to say hello. When I read this post, I couldn't resist reading the article. Now my blood is boiling! I hope everyone, and everyone you know responds to this lady to let her know what they think. Please someone let me know if she retracts her statements or issues an apology, or even responds at all! smilam1@aol.com Love and hugs to you all, Susan |
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| Author: | txlouise [ Wed Jun 04, 2008 1:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I just have to share this with you. My friend and web-site partner put this up on our website about Connie Woodcock. It is a really good article.Take a couple of minutes to read this and I hope Connie Woodcock reads this. Love,Louise[keren's mom] http://www.mychildlossgrief.org/index.p ... &Itemid=65 |
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