Thank you Mama Lucy for the warm welcome!
I love you very much!And I thank the rest of you as well.
I too am sorry we had to meet under these circumstances, but I can sense all the love and support you all have for one another and it is comforting. I apologize in advance for the lengthy entry, but no matter how many times I tell this story it never feels like I've gotten it out of my system. Bare with me please.
I could say I am here for more than just Laura, although her passing has affected me the most.
March of this year I lost an uncle due to suicide. I wasn't too close to him, but I've known him my entire life. June 28th I lost a closer uncle do to unexpected health problems. He was my mom's big brother and it was hard to watch her and my grandparents deal with it. July 3rd my BEST friend's 16 year old brother drowned at the Oregon coast. I have a 16 year old sister and it really hit home. (Not to mention my horrible fear of water).
Then July 19, 2007 I got a phone call from my husband. Laura had died in a car accident. I didn't believe him at first. There's no way I could lose four people in just four months. Could I? My husband (Andy) repeated himself again. The urgency and shaken voice confirmed it was true. My jaw dropped as I stood in front of my boss staring at my cell phone. I had to go home. I felt like I was lying telling her "My husband's oldest sister just died." We had gone through enough already, it seemed unreal.
Laura was BY FAR the most difficult. His family doesn't seem like "in-laws" to me. They feel as real as my own. Honestly, the last month and a half has floated by like a dream. More like a nightmare. I keep hoping I'll wake up and Laura will be there so everyone can stop hurting. Her boys need her. Her mother needs her.
My husband and I ended up going to Laura's memorial service in Kansas (we live in Oregon). We had short notice, but got permission from our companies to take the time off to drive there and back. Upon my return, I was notified I was terminated from my position for "abandonment of my post." Long story short they twisted my words around and failed to mention anything about a death in the family to corporate. I was going to file a lawsuit against them but I haven't had the time or energy to pursue anything. I am now out of health benefits and miss/need my friends at work more than ever.
I'm trying to be strong for Andy, but I'm afraid I might slip. I've only known Laura for nine years. I can't possibly imagine what the rest of the family feels like.
I have nightmares of my best friend's brother drowning, and Laura crashing several times a week. I am lucky to get three hours of sleep a night. These last few months haunt my every living moment. I just want to wake up.
If you have reached the end of this I thank you for letting me share. I have so much more to say, but no time or energy to finish. I hope I can offer an ear to anyone who wants to talk. We all need each other.
(((((new friends)))))