It is currently Thu Mar 28, 2024 6:05 pm


All times are UTC - 4 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 14 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Life is so unfair!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 9:19 pm 
user

Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2007 12:57 pm
Posts: 578
Location: Texas
Today I went to Poncho's baby girls funeral and she was buried in a section with all babies. It was literally tearing my heart out to stand there with all of those babies graves around me. All I could think about is the heartache that so many families were suffering just like us and I couldn't stand it.
Right where I was standing there was a grave with twin boys. One had lived a day and the other had only lived 5 days. All I could think about at that moment is how my babies don't have a grave. My oldest daughter Amanda said Mom, this is what they should have let you have for Wayne and Buck and all I could say is I know. Then I felt such anger swell up in me, so much that it took me by surprise. Life is not fair! Isn't it enough that my babies died? Why wasn't I given my right to bury them? Why did I get left with nothing? Why?
Some of those graves looked like they had been forgotten. I couldn't understand that. I know some people can't stand to go to the cemetery and some of the parents had probably already joined their children in Heaven but still seeing the graves looking so sad just made what I was feeling even worse. All of my understanding just flew out the window and I was so upset. I wanted to scream where are you parents at? You at least have your baby's grave...come take care of it? Instead I just cried. Nothing is going to give my babies back to me. Nothing is going to give B.J. back to me.
And Poncho and Brooke don't even begin to know what their life is going to be like when the shock wears off. ~Cindy
:cry:

_________________
Image
B.J. you will always be my best Buddy in the Whole World. B.J., Wayne and Buck...forever loved and missed and never forgotten.
http://bobby-outlawii.last-memories.com
http://bjoutlawii.memory-of.com


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 9:42 pm 
user

Joined: Thu Aug 23, 2007 10:23 am
Posts: 483
Location: North Carolina
Dear Cindy,
I just want to sit here and cry with you...scream with you...HUG YOU!!!!! I knew at 4:00 pm today to pray for you. I haven't been able to go to another funeral since Garion's but if it were a dear friend of mine, I would also be there in a heartbeat. Your a dear friend to Poncho and his family. You can count on being lifted by prayers, for God to give you the strength to be there for Poncho and his family. I am sure you will be one of the few people in his real life who will recognize his pain. You don't even have to say anything to him, but will you please hug them for all of us?
I am so so so very sorry that you do not have a place to go and visit Wayne and Buck. I never knew this, and my heart is crying for you right now :cry:. I can not imagine the pain this must of brought on for you today. Sending you many (((HUGS)))
Hugs,
Lynda

_________________
Some only dream of Angels. I held one in my arms.
Garion, I love you!
Mommy
Image


Last edited by Lynda on Tue Sep 04, 2007 10:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 9:49 pm 
user

Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 10:23 pm
Posts: 480
Location: Oklahoma
Cindy,
I'm heart aches for you,sometimes the pain is more then anyone should have to bare.
There never seems to be any reason or understanding behind any of this.
I just pray that you can find peace and comfort in knowing your two sweet angels are
also close,giving you angel hugs and kisses.I will be keeping you and your family in
thoughts and prayers.We will all be here for you.
LOTS OF HUGS,
Barbara

_________________
Those we love remain with us, for love itself lives on.

Image

http://www.michael-butler.last-memories.com


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject: Oh, Cindy
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 1:03 am 
user

Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 4:24 pm
Posts: 350
Location: Portland,Oregon
Oh Cindy. My heart just bleeds for you! I am so sorry for your pain. My prayers are with you.
Lucy

_________________
Lucy Carter

http://laura-dawn.last-memories.com

In loving memory of, Laura Dawn 2/26/68-7/19/07, my first born child, my daughter, my friend.
And
In loving memory of, Myron H. (Ozzie) Osborne 8/22/22-3/29/89, My dad, my teacher, my hero.
Image

Megan, Heather, Andrew,( Laura ), Mary, Jim, Russell


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 8:48 am 
user

Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 1:21 pm
Posts: 180
Location: Kansas
Oh Cindy, You are in my thoughts and prayers. It is so hard to begin to imagine the site of so many baby graves. That breaks my heart. Honestly I am glad the cemetery that Naudya Jo is in doesn't separate the babies from the adults, because later down the road, I plan to buy a lot and have her moved so I can be buried next to her. But it is sad because as I walk the cemetery around my baby girl, there are probably 10 babies in that area. Absolutely devastating.

Thinking of you Hun.

_________________
Tanya~Mommy to Karson Dean 2yo and Angel Naudya Jo May 1-16, 2007
Image
Image
Image
http://naudya-jo.memory-of.com


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 9:29 am 
user

Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2007 11:23 am
Posts: 330
Location: Pennsylvania
Going to my boys' grave is very, very painful for me. Every time I go, I feel as though it is the first time that I am there. They are in a part of the cemetery that is specially designated just for babies. It's absolutely heart wrenching to see all of the other graves; knowing that there are other families out there that have gone through exactly what I have. That they have felt the tremendous amount of grief, just like I have. I don't go to their grave as often as I know I should, but I guess that is just how I cope with it. But when I do go, I spend quite a bit of time making sure that the spot is very nice. Then when I know that it's time for me to leave, it's very hard. It's as though someone has just ripped my heart out all over again. I feel so empty.


_________________
Tonya ~ Mommy to Nadia Rose, Baby Cooper and precious Angels Jaydon and Jordan

Image


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 10:01 am 
user

Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2007 11:23 am
Posts: 330
Location: Pennsylvania
Tammy,

Thank you so very much for your kind, heartfelt words.

This forum is a Godsend. I honestly don't know what I would ever do without any of you. I love you all.

Sending everyone many hugs.

_________________
Tonya ~ Mommy to Nadia Rose, Baby Cooper and precious Angels Jaydon and Jordan

Image


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 4:27 pm 
user

Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2007 12:46 pm
Posts: 254
Location: Washington State, USA
Oh Cindy, that funeral must have been heartbreaking.

You're so right, they have no idea what's just happened to their lives. No-one knows, no-one can even guess what will happen in the weeks, months, years to come. Their hearts will ache forever.

Did they find out how the baby died? This is more than a person's heart can accept. I get physically ill just thinking about it. A precious little one, so helpless, so little. But, the only thing I can allow myself to dwell on, is the fact that he's now in Jesus' arms. I can't dwell on the lost future, or any of those details. I simply can't face it.

I just received a call that my niece, Martha, is in the hospital, not expected to live. She's a heavy drinker and has been for a long, long time. She's dying of liver failure. I don't know what they mean in the way of time, but her doctor has told her she's too far along for a transplant. I'm very, very close to her and I knew this was coming. Just a month ago, one of my other nieces (Linda, who lost her son in February), Martha and a very good friend and I went to Lincoln City (a little coastal town) for a few days. We had such a wonderful visit........but I could see then that she was near the end. She's had a lot of unhappiness in her life and drinking became her salvation. I don't think she ever intended it to get this far, but now it has. I'm getting ready to go to the hospital to see her. I just don't know how well I'll take it.

My whole family is dying........... I'm feeling like I'll be the last person standing soon.... when it should be me, I'm ready to go.

Life shouldn't be so sad. Every day is a struggle. I don't see any light in my tunnel anymore, not even a train.

Jane

_________________
Scott Matthew HIll - 2 years old
Image
To lose a child teaches one what the word bereavement really means. There is no loss equal to the loss of a child.

“We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly embracing each other."
~Luciano De Crescenzo

www.scottmatthew-hill.last-memories.com


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 4:33 pm 
user

Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2007 11:23 am
Posts: 330
Location: Pennsylvania
Oh Jane, my heart breaks for you!!!! I wish I could be there to give you a hug. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Remember, we are all here for you, no matter what.

_________________
Tonya ~ Mommy to Nadia Rose, Baby Cooper and precious Angels Jaydon and Jordan

Image


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 4:46 pm 
user

Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 11:35 am
Posts: 82
Location: Florida
I'm so sorry. It breaks my heart anytime I see anyone becoming a member of the community of grieving parents.

My heart and prayers to these broken hearted parents and their road ahead.

Love and hugs,
Susan

_________________
CLINT~Just another child to you but the whole world to me...
http://clinton-milam.last-memories.com/

Image


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 7:36 pm 
user

Joined: Thu Aug 23, 2007 10:23 am
Posts: 483
Location: North Carolina
Dear Jane,
When it rains it pours! I am so sorry to read about your niece. Your heart has been broken so many times and I can not imagine the pain you have had to suffer through time and time again. I look forward to the day I can wrap my arms around you and tell you that I love you and thank you. You are so dear to me and have helped me through so much in the short time we have known each other. If there was a way I could help carry your hurt, I would.
It is times like these I look up towards the sky and beg God to spare another grieving mother from anymore hurt...and then I thank Him for sparing His child to provide us with such a place.
I am so sorry!
Hugs,
Lynda

_________________
Some only dream of Angels. I held one in my arms.
Garion, I love you!
Mommy
Image


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject: For Jane-E
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 8:03 pm 
user

Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 4:24 pm
Posts: 350
Location: Portland,Oregon
Jane,
Don't forget. I am only 1 hour away from you. I can come if you need me.
Cece

_________________
Lucy Carter

http://laura-dawn.last-memories.com

In loving memory of, Laura Dawn 2/26/68-7/19/07, my first born child, my daughter, my friend.
And
In loving memory of, Myron H. (Ozzie) Osborne 8/22/22-3/29/89, My dad, my teacher, my hero.
Image

Megan, Heather, Andrew,( Laura ), Mary, Jim, Russell


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 11:21 am 
user

Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2007 12:46 pm
Posts: 254
Location: Washington State, USA
Thank you my precious friends, I can't tell you how much you've all come to mean to me.
I very rarely talk about my grief with anyone else anymore. That probably has led them to believe that I'm getting better.......... little do they know......... I've found the most supportive and understanding friends I've ever known who are always there for me.

I still cry, every single day......... but most of the time no-one even knows that. I sit in the dark and sob sometimes. My husband sometimes hears me but most of the time I'm quiet and no-one knows. But I can say it, in print, right here when I'm crying.

This blessed group of moms gives me what no-one else has, or even can.......... total understanding and acceptance of my pain, my ups and downs and my unpredictability. I can't be halfway ok one hour and totally down the next hour to my family........they keep asking what's wrong. All of you already know what's wrong.

For all the love, the support, the comfort, the understanding, I can never say enough thank you's. I'm so very grateful to all of you. You have been my life line and I wonder sometimes if you didn't actually save me when I hit those low, low points where I wanted to die.

God Bless you, every single one of you. I love you and I will always be here for each and every one of you. We've mingled our tears and our grief. Each of your angels have become angels to all of us. A sorrow shared somehow, becomes survivable.

Love, hugs, prayers,
Jane

_________________
Scott Matthew HIll - 2 years old
Image
To lose a child teaches one what the word bereavement really means. There is no loss equal to the loss of a child.

“We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly embracing each other."
~Luciano De Crescenzo

www.scottmatthew-hill.last-memories.com


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:07 pm 
user

Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2007 12:57 pm
Posts: 578
Location: Texas
Jane, I just wanted to send you a {{{Hug}}}. I wish I could give you one in person.
Love, Cindy

_________________
Image
B.J. you will always be my best Buddy in the Whole World. B.J., Wayne and Buck...forever loved and missed and never forgotten.
http://bobby-outlawii.last-memories.com
http://bjoutlawii.memory-of.com


Top
Offline Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 14 posts ]  Moderators: Barbara, MissingMyMelody&Mommy

All times are UTC - 4 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 20 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Theme created StylerBB.net