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 Post subject: Loss of a teenage daughter?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 11:39 pm 
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I lost my daughter, Chloe Jaqueline Mzeilla today. I don't even know how I managed to get on the computer but I felt it was necessary to make a memorial for her. I would like to know how others parents of teen's dealing with their death. My daughter was tooken from is suddenly, I need advice how to deal with this. I'm still in shock and denial. How can I face reality?


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 Post subject: Re: Loss of a teenage daughter?
PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 2:19 pm 
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Hi ,

I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss even though words from people at this time are meaningless . I lost my 16 year old daughter just 4 months ago .

My wife and I are still in a living hell . I wish i had some things to tell you that will make it better but I don't . People who haven't been through this are ignorant of the pain you are feeling . AS time has moved fowards we now have some friends telling us we HAVE to move on . 4 months seems like a day to us .

I hope you have someone close to you like a husband or mother or father because for us NO ONE else understands . I wish you well but honestly the road ahead is not pleasant at all . I am dreading fathers day. In fact I am dreading every holiday . I still don't want to be around people and i cry everyday ,sometimes for hours . I do suggest getting into some type of therapy . We did and some of the medications have helped a little bit . But there has been no miracle cure . I think it has helped minimally but at this time we will take anything that helps even if it is only a little bit .

I hope you can cope with your pain and try and do the best you can. And don't worry about insulting /disappointing other people . You need to focus on yourself and taking care of yourself ..Long road ahead . I hope you can make the best of it .


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 Post subject: Re: Loss of a teenage daughter?
PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 5:11 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2007 11:14 pm
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Location: Georgia
I am so sorry for your loss (for both of you). I lost a child that I raised on March 21, 2007, she had just turned 17 on March 19 and was killed in a car wreck along with 2 of her friends on their way to school. You face reality one second at a time. I still have days where I just want to sit and cry my heart out for Laura. Holidays are definitely not the same without her. It is hard and while I believe most people mean well they don't and can't understand your loss and your pain unless they've experienced it first hand. It does get better but it takes alot of work. You have to be willing to live your life without your child being there physically. You have to be willing to honor memories of your child because that is what you have now. You will never stop loving her for sure, but it is so different when you do not have her physically there to show and tell her that you love her.

Therapy can help some people, be sure to find a good, decent therapist who deals with grief counseling, it'd be very helpful if you could find one who goes further to help those dealing with the loss of a child. Personally, I found great comfort and help in reading "No Death No Fear" by Thich Nhat Hanh. Even if you are not Buddhist (and I am not) it is a very good and comforting book. I also found great help in making Laura's memorial site and in setting up an ancestor altar at home.

I miss Laura every day, I think about here every day and love her every day. It hurts deeply not being able to call her or buy things for her that I know she'd love. Nothing will bring her back physically but I do keep her alive in my heart and memories. I do things especially meant to honor her life and how much I love her. Sometimes I will cook a meal that she really liked and leave some out on the altar, I might buy a special flower or plant to put in the garden in her honor. If I see something that I know she would love I might buy it and add it to the altar or put it to use in the house in her honor. For the most part, I can talk about her and think about her without crying. I am living my life as best I can and doing things that I enjoy. I am happy overall. Granted I know life would be happier with her here instead of in the afterlife, but I am content with what I have and am so very thankful for the 17 years that I did have with her. Getting to this point has been very long and very hard to say the least. You cannot stop living your life to the fullest. And definitely have no worries over other people not understanding or feeling insulted....you have to deal with your loss and your grief in a positive way that works for you not them. I hope this helps at least a little. Don't hesitate to message me if you'd like to discuss anything with me.

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http://www.laura-cobb.last-memories.com


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 Post subject: Re: Loss of a teenage daughter?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 11:44 am 
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Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 7:35 pm
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MadameApothecary wrote:
It is hard and while I believe most people mean well they don't and can't understand your loss and your pain unless they've experienced it first hand. It does get better but it takes alot of work. You have to be willing to live your life without your child being there physically. I might buy a special flower or plant to put in the garden in her honor. If I see something that I know she would love I might buy it and add it to the altar or put it to use in the house in her honor. For the most part, I can talk about her and think about her without crying. I am living my life as best I can and doing things that I enjoy. I am happy overall. .


Very good post . Your points about others not understanding really hits home with me . I had lost both of my parents within 3 months of each other just over 3 years ago so I understood alot of what was going on when my daughter was killed . However I was shocked at how much deeper the grief went but most of all after about 3 months some very close friends of ours began the "it's time to move on stuff " inviting us to outings that we used to do with our daughter ect .
We are simply not ready to do these things and some have been persistent one even insinuating we may be hurting our younger daughter by not attending certain gatherings . I refuse to go somewhere when I know my wife and I will be miserable and end up breaking down . People need to learn sometimes they should keep thier mouths shut and mind their own business . They have no CLUE what a parent whose child has died are going through .

I enjoyed your post and we have also planted various bushes and trees that were my late daughters favorite color . I am glad you seem to have found some peace and I pray that day comes for my wife , younger daughter and myself sooner rather than later . We are not there yet and I wish others would respect this . If some don't start I told my wife we will have to remove them from our lives . The last thing we need is anyone else causing us pain .

Thankfully we have many who are compassionate and have been great throughout our tradgedy . You find out alot about your friends , family and neighbors when this happens to you . I hope the OP reads your post . I found it comforting and I am 4 months into this process . She is at the very beginning . Thank you .


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 Post subject: Re: Loss of a teenage daughter?
PostPosted: Wed Jul 20, 2011 8:28 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2007 11:14 pm
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Location: Georgia
I am glad that you got something from my post. My grandmother died 3 months before my niece was killed and while I was quite upset over it, the grief was nothing when compared to what I've felt with my niece. It is different, deeper...it takes alot more out of you.

I guess most people feel like there is a timeline that everyone should adhere to with grief. While I do think that there are some who just hold on too long and refuse to move on at all, for the most part I do not think grief should be rushed. You cannot rush how you feel or deal with the death of a child (or anyone else for that matter). I really despise it when people who (although they may mean well) are constantly telling you what you "should" be doing--I have asked some of those people myself how the hell do they know what I should be doing and just how many children have they lost to know what I'm going through. Personally, I think it is a good idea to NOT put yourself in any situations where you feel that you are not quite ready to be in. Why put yourself through any more anguish and breakdowns than you have to? I think that you are right in handling your life and your grief at your own pace. And yes I think that if someone keeps insisting that you do things a certain way that you do not want to do, it is ok to distance yourself from them. You most certainly do learn TONS about your friends and family in a tragic situation. Keep those close to you who truly support you even if they don't fully understand you. In the words of the great Dr. Seuss "those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind"

_________________
http://www.laura-cobb.last-memories.com


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 Post subject: Re: Loss of a teenage daughter?
PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 10:12 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 27, 2013 10:02 pm
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ou will never get over it I lost my daughter to a drunk driver seven years ago and I cry eveyday and most days think of suscide. I think I will will die from a broken heart eventually...Brittney Shoap's mom


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