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Jane http://forum.last-memories.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=364	Page 1 of 1

Author:	Cindy [ Fri Sep 14, 2007 12:40 am ]
Post subject:	Jane
Oh Jane, I love the picture of Scott! He's too cute! I just love to see all the pictures of our children. It helps me get to know them better. Love you, Cindy

Author:	Cece [ Fri Sep 14, 2007 12:48 am ]
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Jane, Scott sure was a cutie at 2 years old!!! I love seeing our angels pictures. Lucy

Author:	JANE_E [ Fri Sep 14, 2007 1:02 am ]
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When I see that picture, I remember the day it was taken, I just can't........... I'm trying to go through his pictures but I can't bear it. Not now........ I wanted to put his graduation picture up but maybe later........... I can't look at them just now.

Author:	Cindy [ Fri Sep 14, 2007 1:17 am ]
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Oh Jane, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I understand that you can't do it yet. The time will come for you that you will be able to. I'm so sorry. I love you, Cindy

Author:	JANE_E [ Fri Sep 14, 2007 1:53 am ]
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Oh Cindy, You didn't upset me.......... I appreciate you noticing his picture. He was such a little character, could talk circles around us by the time he was two years old. I've been looking at his baby book, at so many pictures of him and crying my eyes out. I just can't do it yet. You didn't upset me .......... I've been like this all night. Out of nowhere this thing came out and attacked me........... I thought I was doing better, I've had a really crappy time the last two days. Sometimes I just don't think I can do this any more. But, please dear Cindy, it was so sweet of you to notice the picture and comment on it.... I was upset long before then You actually brought a brief smile to me.... I love you guys, each & every one of you......... but sometimes I'm not a very strong person......... I just sort of crumble.... and cry until I don't have tears left. How can we do this? How can God even ask us to bear this? I was remembering how I would swoop him up in my arms and kiss his neck until he'd beg me to stop..... and he'd say "I'll tell you a story" so I'd stop and he'd make up a story about our little dog, or his brother or sister.... just a simple little story to get me to stop kissing his neck. Sometimes I'd stop and he'd say "do it again, do it again.............." when I look at the picture, I remember doing that just as if it were last night, or just this morning. I had one spot on his neck that was only mine.... and he'd get mad if anyone else kissed him there..... they had to kiss the other side. The kids would tease him and kiss "mommy's spot" and he'd get so angry at them..... but then he'd giggle and they'd chase him through the house. Mike & Laurie member those times and both of them cry when they talk about their baby brother. He was so loved from the moment we all knew he was on the way. I'm not mad at God, just totally destroyed by the pain.............. I just don't see how people go on and survive these times in their lives. I just don't understand it all. My mind just can't concentrate or even remember things on a day to day basis but I remember those sweet little moments with my baby. Do you ever feel as if you're just pretending to be alive" Not really able to put one foot in front of the other, but still getting up, doing the bare minimum and just pretending that you'll make it another day......? That's how I've felt for two days now. I'm so weary of the pain and the grief..... I wish it would go away and just let me treasure the memories and let go of the pain. Love you very much, goodnight, jane

Author:	Cindy [ Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:04 am ]
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Oh Jane, yes I've felt that way so many times. I think the only reason we are able to keep going is because the Lord puts our next breath in us and makes our hearts keep beating. And Jane, sometimes it's not just pretending to be alive. Sometimes it's just existing. I'm not trying to make you feel worse. I just know what it is you're talking about and I believe in being honest with how I feel. It's horrible so much of the time, especially when it's still so new like it is with you. Some day it will be easier to live with. I know you can't believe that right now and that's ok but it will. It just takes a long time. When we love much...we are going to hurt much. I love you. I wish I could come give you a hug. Jesus send comfort to her heart even now.Let a peace come over her even as she is reading these words. Thank you Lord. In Jesus name Amen Hugs, Cindy

Author:	JANE_E [ Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:14 am ]
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Oh Cindy, I wish you were here also....... Thank you so much.......... I was surprised how fast your reply came to me. I know my grief is just like everyone's grief, we all feel like we can't survive it at times.... I don't know what triggers it..... sometimes I'm reading or just doing something in the kitchen and there it is. It's stronger than me........ Goodnight my special friend....... it has to be very late for you, I love you, and I appreciate you being there for me.

Author:	Lynda [ Sat Sep 15, 2007 12:45 pm ]
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Dear Jane, I know how difficult it is to go through pictures. That is why I don't have any baby pictures of Garion on his site yet. We have tons of pictures and the only reason the ones that are on there is because I have a file with just those saved on it and I am "ok" with just looking at the pictures on that one file for some reason. If all we can do is a little at a time, then so be it. We have the rest of our lives to honor and share our children with each other. Scott was definitely a cutie when he was young and grew up to be a very handsome young man! I know you are so proud of him. Kelli was blessed to have him in her life to love and cherish, just as he was blessed to have her. I know he is so proud of both of you. Hugs, Lynda

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