Fourth Day/Open Discussion

Lynda · **Posted:** Sun Sep 16, 2007 10:49 am

Dear Tammy,
I not only read but I also feel your words. If you really need something to help you sleep, can I recommend you seeing another doctor? Garion's best friend dad is a doctor and we have several nurses in our family, and from talking to them, there are doctors out there that do not believe in prescribing medicines, just as there are doctors out there that prescribe medicine to easily. Taking that many Tylenol PM a night sounds more dangerous to me than taking something that is meant to be taken once nightly, as needed.

Depression...I will admit, I am on medication for depression. It doesn't take away the pain and hurt, but it helps take the edge off somewhat, so I am not a mad woman. It helps me to be able to function and do what I need to for my family. Before the medication, I slept and cried wishing for my own death to take place. It was unhealthy and very scary. Even with the medication I continue to deal with depression, but I am able to "function". It is like having surgery and taking pain medication. The pain is still there, you aren't able to do what you use to, but your able to rest when needed. I have said this to a few of you before, if being a grieving parent was a physical ailment, we would all be in ICU.

Hugs,
Lynda

larceneaux · **Joined:** Mon Aug 27, 2007 10:39 pm **Posts:** 26

Tammy...I am so sorry for your pain. I felt every word you said. Thursday is Tyler's birthday and I am really getting depressed. I do take anti depressants and anxiety medication. I will never forget memories of Tyler. Infact, I have started a journal of memories of Tyler and everytime I think of something I write it down...I am afraid that as I get older I may forget something, and I don't want that to happen.

I do agree with Lynda that taking that much Tylenol pm is very dangerous. It may be in your best interest to see another doctor. What is good for one person may not be good for someone else. But the way I see it (for myself) so what if I am on medication the rest of my life???? I lost my preciuos Tyler. I will never get over that, so what if I never get off the medication. My motto is I'm only as strong as my medicine. lol. Like Lynda says it helps me to function. Take care of yourself. Do it for Angelica.

My prayers are with you. God Bless
HUGS
Lisa

Barbara · **Posted:** Sun Sep 16, 2007 7:12 pm

Tammy,
I also feel your words,I'm depressed alot to the point I almost can't function.I don't sleep at night over three hrs,I have dark circles under my eyes.I've probably aged ten years in the past 7 mos.Like you I don't take anything because I don't want to forget.
Lynda is right maybe taking medication would at least help with day to day function.
Please don't take so many Tylenol pm!!
My prayers are with you,
Barbara

Susan · **Posted:** Sun Sep 16, 2007 7:23 pm

Tammy,

I'm afraid depression is my new best friend. I have always been "functionally" depressed, but losing Clint just pushed me over the edge.

It's a real probability ladies, stay close to your doctors and let them know how you're doing.

Love,
Susan

Drea · **Posted:** Sun Sep 16, 2007 11:39 pm

I was first treated for depression when I was 15. I have been on a steady treatment plan ever since (9 years now). It hasn't improved much, but I know how to deal with it now. After losing Laura, it was another stage. It was what I know as depression, X100. Unbearable pain. Physical as well as emotional. My heart felt weak and it hurt.

There is no medication that helps me as much as spilling my thoughts. Sometimes I'll write and delete everything. Even that seems to help.

Don't be afraid to let your doctor know what's going on. I don't like to talk about my Cymbalta prescription, but I'm not ashamed of it. It doesn't solve all my problems, and it doesn't make everything go away. It does however, help get through EACH day. One at a time.

I'm thankful you all are here to listen, even when I am not a mother. I truly feel like I know each of you and the fact I'm "not over" Laura doesn't make me odd. I will talk to my old co-workers or friends and mention Laura, and they will say "Who?" I will remind them she is Andrew's sister who passed away in July and they say "Oh yeah.. that was a long time ago." Like I shouldn't still be hurting. It wasn't a long time ago, it was almost 2 months ago. The more I hear those things the more I don't want anything to do with them. It may not be a big deal to them, but it is the WORLD to me. You guys are my support, not them.

Thank you and (((hugs))) to all!

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

Tammy,I'm not taking anything for anxiety,i went to the doctor 4 times and when he prescribed something for me i didn't take it.i don't sleep at all.I'm so tired all the time.i don't think 8 Tylenol are OK.please be careful.i would see another doctor.but like you im afraid my memories will get blurred .i know i need to take something because of the post traumatic stress i have from the wreck.

Cindy · **Posted:** Mon Sep 17, 2007 11:55 am

Finally I'm back to this.
Oh the acceptance...it stinks and I hate it! Just when I think I've accepted the fact that B.J. is gone I run right back in to that brick wall again and my heart and mind screams NO! I don't know when I finally accepted that Wayne and Buck was gone and not coming back. Maybe I was just forced to accept it because I never even got to see them. I don't know. All I know is now I'm still trying to accept the fact that B.J. isn't coming back. I hate it, he was my Buddy, he wasn't suppose to die. I don't still expect him to come home... I just still want him to if that makes sense. I don't want to live the rest of my life here without ever seeing him again. Looking at his pictures and my memories are not enough yet I have no choice.
It just messed everything up!
Love, Cindy

Tanya · **Posted:** Mon Sep 17, 2007 12:41 pm

Well I didn't get this posted yesterday, but I am doing it now.

Depression, I honestly think that hit me in January while pregnant with Naudya Jo and finding out about her Diaphragmatic Hernia, and after reading up on it. I would cry because I feared the worst, I couldn't think positive etc. Then I had to "move" to Omaha prior to giving birth and that didn't make things better, I hated being away from home, while Clint stayed home to work. Then the fact I didn't even get to hold her after she was born and then on May 16 my life turned to shambles I felt nothing was left to help me. I felt no need to move on no need to function. I still feel this way. I have not yet made an appt with my do but as soon as I get done typing this I will do so. I know I need something. I didn't want to tell Clint but I have and he agrees I will not tell family, friends ect, I don't want people to know.

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