Just so sad over life

MissingMyMelody&Mommy · **Posted:** Sun Sep 16, 2007 12:37 am

Little more than 7 months ago my sweet Melody left this world and my life was changed forever. She would have turned 2 on July 23rd. That day was very hard. We went to her grave, took her a cupcake, balloons, and cards her brothers made for her. I took lots of pictures and videoed it also. Sadly, I accidentally deleted a few THOUSAND of my pictures on August 2nd, including those from her birthday and the visit from Sonny's mom (from TX). I've tried so many different programs to get my pictures back but nothing seems to bring them back to me. I totally relish my pictures, always have, so this has been a major setback for me. Sonny and I are in counseling together and separately but we are struggling badly. He doesn't understand my needs and I guess I don't understand his. My family is falling apart, little by little. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been very sick (pneumonia just this last week). I had to have my gallbladder and ovarian cysts removed July 26th, just 3 days after her 2nd birthday. The other manager was informed of this several weeks in advance but Sonny still had to bring me home from the hospital and GO TO WORK! I wasn't supposed to be left alone for 24 hours after that surgery and she knew it! My youngest (Alanna) turned 1 on August 21 and we did absolutely nothing for her birthday. I turned 28 8 days later (Aug 29) and no one even remembered. My life just seems so unbearable and I'm trying so hard to cope with all this but nothing is helping. I'm slowly fading away.

Lynda · **Posted:** Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:02 am

Dear Crystal,
It saddens me to read how the events in your life seem to be unfolding in the wrong direction. I guess this is part of what people mean when they say our lives will never be the same after losing our children. Happiness just doesn't come around as often, especially when all we do is think, miss, and cry for our angels. I wish people would understand that our grief is not contagious, and we need our family and friends in our lives more than ever. Sure, many of us have withdrawn from the people, but that has a lot to do with how we were treated or made to feel when they did come around or they just stopped and we felt unworthy of friends (this was my case). I can not believe your husbands work place made him come in for work after you just had surgery! Where has the compassion gone? I am sure if the shoe were on the other foot, the boss would have acted differently. Again, I am so so sorry these people have treated you and your family this way.
I wish I knew how to help you with you photos. Maybe someone else in here will have an idea? I know Drea is GREAT with computers. My heart goes out to you and know that we love and care for you in here. I just wish we all lived so much closer to each other. Keeping you in my prayers (((HUGS)))
Happy Be-lated Birthday!!!!
Hugs,
Lynda

Susan · **Posted:** Sun Sep 16, 2007 11:40 am

Crystal,

I'm so sorry sweetie. You are much too young a woman to have so much sadness and pain in your life. There just doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to any of it, does there?

All you can do love is just keep putting one foot in front of the other, take care of yourself and take care of your precious children.

God bless you, keep you and surround you with the peace that far surpasses all understanding.

Love,
Susan

Cece · **Posted:** Sun Sep 16, 2007 12:56 pm

Crystal,
Drea is my daughter-in-law. I will let her know that you need help. Laura site is looking great because she is such a whiz. I can't even cut an paste. She is young too. she will be 24 in the 20th. She will help, even if it means calling you and talking you through it.
Lucy

Cindy · **Posted:** Tue Sep 18, 2007 4:01 pm

Crystal,
I just had you in my heart and on my mind and I decided to just stop what I was doing and come here and let you know I'm praying for you and I care.
Love, Cindy

Jo Ann · **Posted:** Tue Sep 18, 2007 6:03 pm

Dear Crystal,

It feels funny typing your name with a "C" because my Krystal's name starts with a "K".

Honey, you are in what many bereaved parents call the"Pit". The pit is a lonely, dark, agonizing place. When I am in the pit I feel like I will not be able to take another breath. My emotional and physical pain is too great. I have found there is a "secret" to the pit. We can not run from it. It catches us. We ca not hide from it. it finds us, either now or later. We can not go under, over, or around the pit. The way through the pit is the ONE thing we have to do and the one thing we do not want to do. We have to be in the pit and go through the pit. That's the ONE thing we do not want to do, but it is the only way to survive the pit. Krystal died December 10, 2003 and for the first 2 years the pit was my daily reality. Now I am finding I have pain and longing for Krystal with every breath I take, but I am not in the pit as much. Oh, the pit can over whelm me in a nano second and there I am again.

I am trying to say now to the pit. Hello pit, here you are again. Go ahead and do you awful dastardly business, but I will not run or hide from you. The pain, as we all know, is undescribable. But Crystal further down your grief journey, you will still have to endure the pit, but with lot of time and tears the pit does not capture us as often. Those further down the grief road have told me this, and I choose to hold on to that glimmer of hope.

So Sweet Crystal, hang on, feel the awful pain and take one breath at a time. We are here for you, as we know you are here for us.
With love and understanding,

Just so sad over life

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