You all know that we lost my mom Dec. 1, 2005 and Melody Feb. 9, 2007. I also lost my best male friend at age 29 (heart attack) on July 17, 2006. Alanna was born 9 weeks premature on Aug. 21, 2006 and was in the NICU until Sept 24th. Well my daddy went blind suddenly at 46 on Aug 30, 2006 and we now know that, though he's had several surgeries, there is nothing more that can be done for his eyesight. He will forever be mostly blind & disabled. My mom was the tie that bound us all together and I hadn't talked to my daddy since around New Year 2006 (not long after mom died). I emailed him in April 2006 but never got a response from him. I learned what was going on with him through my younger brother (who moved to Seattle July 15 this year) and some of my mom's family.
Well because of his surgery, he was unable to make the trip to be here for Melody's funeral. But he didn't even call me (and I've made sure that he has my number, I have reached out to him). My older brother didn't bother to call or come either, but used her death as an excuse to get out of work! (Talk about two pissed off parents....Sonny and I were and still are NOT happy with him about it.) When Sonny and I split up last year he and my older brother kept contact, whereas I only talked to my brother once during that time and it was when my best guy friend died. He's the one who called and told me, because he and my friends older brother are buddies.
Fast forward to now. Sonny and I are barely hanging on. My mom and her younger sister married brothers (so my daddy and uncle are brothers, does that make sense?) My mom's sister found me on myspace (fine with me, she is family and was my mom's closest sister aside from one who passed away in 1999 unexpectedly). All of my mom's family live in my hometown. Even my older brother is only 15 minutes away. My younger brother and I are the only family that have really branched out. As a matter of fact, they all live within a 10-15 mile radius of each other. My dad lives between one of my mom's sisters and her son (my cousin). So literally 3 houses in a row is family. Well my daddy has a myspace too, so I friend requested him and he and I have exchanged a few messages. I know he hasn't heard from either of my brothers in a long time. I've talked to my younger brother a time or two on myspace. So I'm trying to repair my relationship with my daddy. He was never the 'emotional' type. Never the one to cry or say 'I love you'. I've explained to him that I want him to be a part of mine and the kids' life and that it's hard when I don't know how he feels about it cause sometimes it seems like he'd rather just be left alone (he's ALWAYS been this way, a total social misfit, will not even eat out in a restaurant, no joke). But this isn't even why I'm typing all of this. I'm leading up to MORE.
I went to the doctor on Monday. He says I have COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). If you aren't familiar with this disease or want to know more, please visit the Mayo Clinic's website about it at
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/copd/DS00916
I was already a lost soul roaming this cruel world lonely and broken and now this?!?! I'm so shocked that I don't even know what to do or say. I have 3 other children that need me and I'm barely making it now I'm diseased and it's progressive? I feel so....so....I don't even know what I feel.
Sorry this got to be so long, I just really needed to get this all out, every piece of it, so that I can try to start some kind of healing process or something. Love you all and I hate this journey we are all on together missing our sweet children.
