Dear Craig,
Our culture in American is death denying, and then add to it the cultural conditioning American boys have placed on their shoulders - to be strong, do not show emotion, be the one who "fixes" everything. No wonder most American men do exactly what you tried to do - bury your pain so you could be strong for Lynda and your children. You said that almost a year to the day you felt like you were having a nervous breakdown. As painful as that was and is for you, and as painful to give up the promotion that you had worked so hard to achieve, and to admit that medication may be a tool to help you function with your grief, Craig you are one of the more enlightened men. Many American men bury their grief so deep that it does not surface for years or even decades. That burying of grief can cause all kinds of health problems. To face you grief at one year took a lot of courage for you to do.
I have heard people actually go up to a grieving father and ask him how his wife and living children are doing! No one asked him how HE was doing. So father's can become the forgotten, invisible grievers.
In many other cultures, when a death occurs the men openly express their grief by crying, wailing and sometimes even tearing their clothes to symbolize how their family fabric has been torn apart. I wish American was not so death denying.
Craig, you are not weak to feel your grief. It is just the opposite. To show your grief takes courage, especially in our culture.
I can understand why going back to cubs would be heart wrenching for you. Is there something else that you and Rylon could do as father and son that would give you special guy time together, without putting yourself in a situation that is so painful because of the memories you have being there with Garion?
Most sincerely,
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