I'm back in town.

Drea · **Posted:** Thu Oct 04, 2007 12:48 am

It has been a very exhausting five days. Saturday - Wednesday. I thought I was emotional before the trip and now I that and more.

I have been sick (still), depressed, happy, surprised, anxious, peaceful, sad, tired, angry, annoyed, nostalgic, loved, drunk, excited, upset, jealous, guilty.. all which leaves me exhausted tonight. I could get into all the details of what happened but it's way off topic for this forum. Tammy had mentioned having a journal to share daily entries in, so I will probably go into detail in my online journal. I have a lot to say and it's probably best kept on my journal.

(If anyone is interested the website is www.livejournal.com let me know if you sign up and I'll give you my username)

I did see an old video tape with Laura on it from 1987. Even 20 years ago her voice sounded the same as it did the last time I talked to her. I miss her.

During this trip I didn't take any of my meds. I simply forgot to. I'm paying for it now. I feel sick to my stomach and everything is upsetting me. I feel like I took 50 steps backwards. I'm tired of feeling like this. I want a vacation from ME.

Tonya · **Posted:** Thu Oct 04, 2007 8:17 am

Welcome back Drea....I missed you!!!!!

Lynda · **Posted:** Thu Oct 04, 2007 9:23 am

Dear Drea,
Welcome back! Were your ears itching? Because you were thought about and talked about often (ALL good). I am so sorry to read that there were many down times to your trip...I know we were all hoping that this would be a good thing for you, to get away. It seems that we never know how things are going to turn out, even when we think it is going to be good. Selfishly, I am happy to have you back though.
I would love to read your journal. You can email your password Hight234@aol.com. I think Tammy's idea on having a journal on our memorial sites is a wonderful idea! I look forward to this new feature.
Hugs,
Lynda

Tanya · **Posted:** Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:26 am

Welcome Home Drea!

I kind of keep a journal on myspace www.myspace.com/ctgotts and also one at http://ctgotts.spaces.live.com/ the spaces.live is more so I can vent on my family :lol:

because they can read my other one but not that one.

I would love to read everyone else's thoughts

Cindy · **Posted:** Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:33 am

Welcome home Drea. Hope you're feeling better soon. I'm sorry it so hard right now. Get some much needed rest.
Love and prayers, Cindy

Barbara · **Posted:** Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:39 am

Welcome Home Drea, I'm so sorry everything was up and down.You will be in my prayers
love and hugs,
Barbara

Jo Ann · **Posted:** Thu Oct 04, 2007 11:26 am

Welcome home Drea.
I totally understand. Where ever we go there we are. I think if I take a vacation, I will feel a bit better. No, my grief follows me. No, my grief is in me. I too would love a day vacation from me.
Love,

Drea · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:28 pm

The whole reason for the trip was to go to surprise my husband's cousin at her baby shower (we haven't seen her in five years). For one reason or another she found out we were coming and she wasn't the least bit surprised to see us walk through the door. I am still angry. My husband is furious. It was supposed to be US that surprised her.

Everyone at work is giving my husband and I a hard time for taking so many vacations this year. I want to scream at them this has NOT been the best year for us! We took four days for Laura's FUNERAL. (Not a happy vacation, or a desired one) We took three days for a "surprise" baby shower/family visit. My husband's boss calls in sick more than that. That makes 7 days of requested and approved time off in 3 months. I'm sorry, but I didn't think that was equal to everyone else's 2 week at a time vacations.

Lynda · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 1:01 pm

Dear Drea,
I am so sorry the surprise was ruined. How awful! I know seeing her reaction must have been the highlight of the whole thing. Again, I am so sorry. I hope seeing them after such a long time brought some comfort though.
As for the BOSS...do we need to write up a grieving poem on how people should respect a grieving family and frame it for your husband to give him??? I am sure someone in here has a poem suited for this kind of situation. What is with people now of days??? If the shoe was on the other foot, I am sure he would be singing a different tune!
(((HUGS)))
Hugs,
Lynda

Drea · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 1:16 pm

Thank you Lynda.

I'm sitting at my desk at work doing everything I can to fight back tears. I can't believe everyone can be so heartless here. I'm trying to understand why, and the only reason I can come up with is maybe they all don't know about Laura. Maybe they thought it really was a vacation. But when Andy received the call about Laura he broke down crying at work. They all saw him. His boss had to drive him to Lucyâ€™s house because he went numb. I donâ€™t understand these people. After my company firing me for going to the funeral, then my new company giving my husband and I grief about it, what am I supposed to do? Keep apologizing to everyone for Laura dying? Trust me, Iâ€™d give back every vacation Iâ€™ve taken in my entire life to bring her back. Driving 3600 miles in 4 (unpaid) days, with dogs in the car, through hot muggy Kansas for my sisterâ€™s funeral is not my idea of a fun vacation. Why donâ€™t they get it?

Lynda · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 2:16 pm

Dear Drea,
None of us here have met Laura, but we feel as though we have known her all our lives, the same with all the angels here. It doesn't sound as if these people you are having to deal with get it and they won't until their family is struck with the same kind of intense loss. Also, I can tell that your family is very, very,very close. Unfortuantly not all families are as close as what we all seem to be with our families, and they wouldn't understand the magnitude of one missing. It is all so sad and it breaks my heart that you and your husband have to deal with this at all places, work. Work isn't like neighbors and friends where we can shut our doors and ignore their stupid remarks. I am so sorry! But know we are here for you to come and vent, talk, share all you need to to make it through another day. We love and understand you here.
Hugs,
Lynda

Cece · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 5:10 pm

Drea,
Sweetie, I know how hard this is on you and Andy. After Amber saw Aunt Mary and cousin Mary, who had come from Florida and Kansas for the shower, I think she guessed that you or both of you were coming from Oregon. She's pretty smart. I do not think anyone "told" her. But, I think she guessed and they didn't confirm or deny. Remember what's important. You were there for her. You guys got to be at a happy family function. And you got to see cousin Christi's new baby! And don't forget, you had the shock of finding out that your good "friend" moved away while you were gone without telling you. I love you.
Mama Lucy

Drea · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 5:16 pm

Someone Amber talked to on the phone told her. It's on video tape. She cried when she found out Andy was coming and Andy only saw it on tape. He should have been there to see it in person. Whoever told her shouldn't have.

Cece · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 5:17 pm

I hope it wasn't his drugged up mother!!!!!!

Drea · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 5:22 pm

I hope not either, because he would be heartbroken, especially since it was partially her idea to keep it a secret! :wink:

I'm back in town.

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