A little life...Not a little loss

Cindy · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 11:46 am

Saturday Oct. 15th is...

I know I'm not the only one here that has lost an infant and I just wanted to let everyone know about this. Please keep these families in your prayers. Too many times we're made to feel that because our babies were just babies or delivered too soon that they somehow don't matter as much but they do.
Love, Cindy

Lynda · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:00 pm

Dear Cindy,
I couldn't imagine someone saying that losing an infant doesn't matter...what the heck?!?!?! It doesn't matter how old your child is, they will ALWAYS BE OUR BABIES! And us Moms HURT when our babies (young and old) have to go on to heaven before us. I am so sorry if anyone has made you feel this way. Love ya hun!
***Going back to clean some more, UGH
Hugs,
Lynda

txlouise · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:00 pm

[[[[Cindy}}}}}

I will keep OCT 15 in my prayers.I am so sorry for your loss,Love,Louise

Cindy · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:07 pm

Thank you Lynda. You would be surprised how many times I heard things like well at least you didn't carry them full term. Or you're young you can always have another baby. Or with B.J. being so sick you didn't need another baby right now and especially not twins. The list could just go on and on but it's making me angry just thinking about it so I'm not saying anymore. And to think it's been nearly 22 years since my Wayne and Buck went to Heaven. :cry:

Louise, thank you for the prayers. We "all" can use all the prayer we can get.

Love, Cindy

Barbara · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:42 pm

Cindy,
I'll keep October 15 in my heart and prayers.Losing a baby hurts just as much.I agree with Lynda it doesn't matter how old they are the're still are babies.
Hugs,
barbara

Tonya · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 1:33 pm

Cindy....

I know exactly what you mean. Believe me, I've heard them all. And even to this day, I still hear it. It hurts so bad to hear such negativity coming from people who are supposed to be your "friends". Having my boys was a memory that I will never, ever forget. I'll never forget when I held Jaydon for the first time. As weak as he was, he wrapped his little hand around my finger. At that moment, I knew that there was a bond that can never be broken. I cried and cried. I carried those boys for 5 1/2 months, feeling them growing inside of me every day. No one will ever convince me that I am not allowed to grieve over them because they were just babies. I miss them more and more every day. And now with their Angelversary coming up on Monday, it's getting really difficult for me.

But there again, comments like that are coming from people who have never experienced the loss of child. Therefore, having no clue the impact that loss has on us as mothers.

Thank you Cindy for posting those graphics. I'm hoping that the more publicity October 15 receives, the more people will try to understand what we live with each and every day of our lives.

And Cindy, I will keep you and all of the other mothers who have suffered from infant loss (and child loss in general) in my prayers, not only on October 15 but every day as well.

Cindy · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 2:13 pm

Debi I'm sorry people have told you such a terrible things as at least he wasn't your son. The nerve of some people! He was/is your son. You raised him, you took care of him, you loved him. That is what makes him your son. It's not only in the giving birth.
My youngest son is adopted and he is every bit my child as the other 6 are! We were blessed with him when he was only 20 days old and he's almost 6 now. He had just turned 2 when B.J. died. I've had people tell me that at least you have Johnathan. Just what is that suppose to mean? At least I still have a son? I still have 4 sons! I've been told the Lord knew you were going to lose B.J. so he gave you Johnathan. And what is he a replacement? I don't think so! Oh people can be crazier than we are! Yes he knew we were going to lose B.J. but he gave us Johnathan because he needed to be loved and he needed a family and we had the love to give. Not because we weren't going to have B.J. with us anymore! Johnathan is his own little person and he is not a replacement for B.J. Our children can't be replaced! Oh it makes me so upset! I guess some of my hidden anger is making it's way out again. :cry:

Plain and simple...your Andrew is your son.
Love, Cindy

Barbara, you're right. It doesn't matter the age...it all hurts the same. Thank you for your prayers. Wayne and Buck are just as much my children as B.J. is.
Love, Cindy

Tonya, I carried my boys 5 1/2 months just like you did. I never got to see or hold them, but they are just as real. Nothing or no one will ever convince me that they are not important. So many time I wonder what they would be like now...
I'm sending hugs and prayers for you with Monday coming up soon. I know Tonya...I know. I'm so sorry.
Love and prayers, Cindy :cry:

JANE_E · **Posted:** Fri Oct 05, 2007 8:04 pm

Oh Cindy,

I too find it so difficult to understand people who believe that way......... It's love that creates that bond and makes a family......... and any mother who's carried a baby knows that infant. She knows that baby before it ever meets the rest of the family. I believe that bond is formed at conception and is impossible to break.

And, going even further than that, we have a little granddaughter from Korea. We adored her long before she arrived. We got a picture of her when she was not quite one month old but Scott and Kelli didn't get her until she was five months old. We could not wait to get her, and we love her as if she had been born into the family. In fact, we use to laugh about the bond and say, we were sure she was meant for us. God works in mysterious ways.......... we would not have been surprised to find that her DNA matched ours.............because she's loved so much. She has been part of us since we first found out about her. She traveled half way around the world to be part of our family and we adore her.

Losing an infant takes away so many dreams, so many plans, and leaves the arms and the heart feeling painfully empty. Losing a child of any age leaves those feelings.......each age has it's own set of pains and losses.....but they all amount to sorrow beyond description.

Loving a child, giving your heart to it, praying for it's welfare, it's health and happiness......... is what creates the bond. I don't think age is really a relevant factor at all.

Cindy · **Posted:** Sat Oct 06, 2007 12:07 am

.......... we would not have been surprised to find that her DNA matched

Jane, that was great. How blessed your granddaughter is! My cousin told me one time and I agree with her 100% that every child born is meant to be someones child and it isn't always the biological parents. It's so true. I know I love Johnathan the same as if he were my biological son. He is my child.
My ex-sister-in-law asked me one time years ago if I thought you could love an adopted child as much as your biological child and I told her I thought you could. She asked but do you think the same kind of bond would be there if you didn't give birth to them and I said yes. That was years before Johnathan came along and so I could only say what my heart "thought". Now I can say what my heart "knows". You can and I do! There is no wondering anymore.
And like you and the others have already said...age makes no difference when you loss a child.
Love, Cindy

Barbara · **Posted:** Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:18 am

Jane and Cindy,
I completely understand and agree that the bond with an adopted child is just as strong.
My Jacob is adopted and we couldn't love him any more if he was our biological son. hes so much like my husband you would think he was.Your both in my prayers.
Love, Barbara

JANE_E · **Posted:** Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:37 am

Cindy,

talking about adoption............. when we've had Rebecca, our little Korean grandaughter, uptown with us I've had people say "Is she adopted"........... . I've actually said, "she's ours, through and through"............... It leaves them stumbling for words and I know that's a mean thing to say............. but I'm not lying.........she's ours in every way that counts......... I can't believe people would do that with the child right there........ Rebecca has corrected me and told me that she "grew" under this very special ladies heart for us................ and that means shes adopted. So, I've stopped saying it. She talks openly about her other mother and father. But her mommy & daddy are Scott & Kelli.

When they were going through the process of adoption the case worker told them that people would do that................ Scott came up with a wonderful answer........ he wanted to just answer them with "My wife convinced me that she looks just like me, why would you ask that" but he never did, he was too kind to ever give anyone that kind of answer.

she's exquisite, beautiful, absolutely beautiful, and has the most beautiful voice. She will have voice lessons when she's older. She's a pill though, busy, busy, busy and makes her brothers toe the line. She's very bright and is finding 1st grade no challenge at all.

love,
jane

Cece · **Posted:** Sat Oct 06, 2007 4:42 pm

It doesn't matter how old our children were when they went to heaven. It doesn't matter whether we ever saw them alive. Or if we never saw them at all. I doesn't matter if they grew inside our own bellies or if they grew inside our hearts. We are their mothers and they are our children. Biological, adopted, step, daughter/son in-law. All the same. Because they are children of our hearts they are our children forever.

JANE_E · **Posted:** Sat Oct 06, 2007 6:59 pm

CeCe,

You said it exactly right............ a child of your heart is a child of your heart.

Thank you CeCe, very concise and to the point.

I'm so glad you're back!

Love you,
jane

Cindy · **Posted:** Sat Oct 06, 2007 8:14 pm

Lucy my friend, you're a wise woman!

Love, Cindy

katpohl · **Joined:** Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:44 am **Posts:** 22

I miscarried the year before my Verna was gifted to me.
A mother loves from the moment she knows of the gift she has been given, anyone who thinks a mothers love needs minutes days weeks months..etc to grow has never been a mommy to be or a mommy of a beautiful gift cuz I fell in love with all 4 of my gifts from the 1st moment I knew and that love is the reason my memories are so special.. the emptiness of a miscarriage is just that an empty place in your heart..thank you for the FYI I will keep the date in my thoughts for every parent this has that empty place in their hearts
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX Kat

A little life...Not a little loss

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