Kelli went out to take pictures of it. She said she started the weeding but got so emotional she had to quit....... and she wanted to wait to see what I wanted to do about finishing up the site. I really don't know what they'll let us do so we have to talk to them to see if we can isolate it a little so it doesn't get mowed over. I don't like them mowing over his grave.
Kelli says it's much bigger than it looks in the pictures. It's in the middle of their two grave-sites.........so I'll have to see it to get a better prospective. The lighthouse is a copy of a lighthouse on the east coast they use to visit, a special place to them. The eagle is a symbol of freedom that Scott always loved. I told her she did a great job... I couldn't do it.
It's so hard to see it........ I don't know how to go there and look at it .......... Kelli is afraid it might upset the kids to see her name on it also but I think if she explains to them that it's for a long time from now when she's an old lady.......I think they'll be comforted by it. Frank and I will be to the right of them. Mike and Tara are buying sites there also. Laurie & Steve I don't know about. I'd like to have them close by us someday, but with Steve's father dying, I don't think it's the time to mention it. So, in the big picture, I guess it doesn't matter.......
My stomach turns into knots dealing with all of it. I immediately want to take a pill & go to sleep but I've almost gotten off of the anti-anxiety pills and don't want to start again if I can help it.
After seeing the pictures last night just before I went to bed, I couldn't sleep, even with taking a sleeping pill. I tossed and turned all night, just reliving it all.
What a nightmare........ this isn't meant to be borne..........
Last year, on Kelli's birthday, October 18, Scott wanted Frank to stop on the way to Portland to get a birthday cake for Kelli. He knew exactly what he wanted it to say.... "To my beloved wife, I'll love you always"......... she cut that part of it and froze it. So, you can guess her birthday from now on won't be a very good one. I'm so sorry for that.
I tried to get her to stop & think before she got the plot next to him and ordered the double headstone.....because she's young and she might remarry. But she insisted that even if she did, Scott will still be her soul mate and she'll still want to rest beside him when her time comes. I can't argue that.