Today marks the 5 month mark

Tanya · **Posted:** Tue Oct 16, 2007 12:47 pm

I am at a loss today. Today, I have to watch my niece because her mommy is trying to get last minute details done for the wedding on Saturday. It wouldn't be such a horrible day but it is the 5th month since loosing Naudya Jo. My mother in law doesn't think about this, she just ASSUMES that oh Tanya is home she will watch her. Well ya know what, I don't want to watch her, yea, she is 3 BUT it isn't the point, I should have a daughter who is 5 months old today and everyone seems to forget that but me. Naudya Jo, should be learning to sit up, starting to eat solids, laughing playing, but she isn't doing any of that here with me. I don't know, I wanted to just sleep in this morning with Karson and cuddle with him but I couldn't even do that because my niece was dropped of at 7am. (Umm I never get up before 8 or 8:30, heck if I could I wouldn't get up at all)

I have so much to do, just don't want to do it, I have studies I need to get done, I have laundry (5loads) unfolded sitting on the wet bar downstairs a few dishes, now I am making lunch for Karson and Camille, I just want to be alone, and I can't even have that much.

I had my soon to be sis in laws bachelorette party last weekend it was fun until of course my emotions got the best of me, I bawled because I couldn't stop thinking of Naudya Jo, I didn't want to make it about me, because it wasn't about me it was about Ashley it was her party, and I had to go and ruin it.

Thanks if your still reading, I just need to vent.

I LOVE YOU!

JANE_E · **Posted:** Tue Oct 16, 2007 1:06 pm

Dear Tanya,

Your heart is heavy and aching today. I'm so sorry......... I know so well and I will cry with you. My tears are always close these days. Saturday will be the one year anniversary of losing my own son and my heart feels like a lead ball inside my chest. It's all more than I can comprehend.

Losing a child at any age is unbearable......... to think of your precious little Naudya Jo being in heaven is heart breaking to me also. I love babies and each baby is a gift from God........... I wish I could understand why he calls them home so quickly. Naudya Jo was sent to you with all the love in the world and to serve some definite purpose, but it's so hard to accept that and understand it when your arms are so empty.

I'm so very, very sorry. I know the pain you feel........ and nothing can be said to ease it. There aren't enough words in the entire English language to make the pain go away.
But, I can say, I truly do understand your pain, I understand the agony of loss and wish I could be there to hug you and offer any comfort I could.

Know that I am praying for you and thinking of you all day........... it's more than the human mind can ever understand or accept.

I wish you peace and comfort. I pray that God will send you those two things to ease your troubled and broken heart.

love, hugs, prayers,
jane

Lynda · **Posted:** Tue Oct 16, 2007 1:37 pm

Dear Tanya,
You sound like me...like the world is spinning out of control and there is not a darn thing we can do to stop it. Have people really forgotten? I mean, the people who know and love us in our real life? The people who came to our dear children's funeral? The people that at one time asked if there was anything they could do for us? I was talking with a dear friend yesterday and it was determined that there is no right way for us to ask for help in our life long time of grief. If we ask for help people think we need to be put somewhere because we should be "over it" and if we don't ask for help they think we have "gotten over it". I am so sorry everything seems to be happening at once. I know what it is like to want to be left alone. I use to not be this way and I hate it, but it is what it is and I have no energy to change it.
You go ahead and vent all you need and want to...we will always be here for you. Just wish we could actually reach out in person and give you the well needed break you deserve.
Hugs,
Lynda

Tonya · **Posted:** Tue Oct 16, 2007 2:32 pm

Tanya,

I am praying that God wraps you in His loving arms and provides you the peace and comfort that only He can.

I feel your pain, I honestly do. Jane is right. There aren't enough words to make the pain go away. I wish I could reach through the computer screen and give a hug or at least let you cry on my shoulder while I cry right along with you. Anniversaries (no matter what month or year they are) are always tough. Please just know that we're here for you. Anytime. When you need to talk, vent, cry or anything, we'll be here for you sweetie.

I love you.....

Barbara · **Posted:** Tue Oct 16, 2007 2:56 pm

Tanya,
I will keep you in my prayers that God will give you the comfort you need.
I wish there was something I could do for you.I think we all struggle with anniversaries.I have a hard time with mondays.Those who have never lost a child don't understand how it forever changes our lives.No matter their age when babies are taken from use it leaves a big hole in our hearts that can never be filled.
Sending you (((((HUGS))))
Barbara

Cindy · **Posted:** Tue Oct 16, 2007 4:59 pm

Tanya, I give you my prayers and hugs too. I wish I could do more.
Love, Cindy

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

I AM SO SORRY,I KNOW PEOPLE DONT THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH THINGS AS SIMPLE AS WATCHING A CHILD CAN HURT AND YOUR 5 MONTH MARK IS SO HARD .I DONT KNOW HOW THEY THINK WE ARE SUPPOSE TO SNAP OUT OF LOSING A CHILD.

Today marks the 5 month mark

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