Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2007 12:46 pm
Posts: 254
Location: Washington State, USA
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Just wanted to say thank you for all the beautiful candles, tributes and emails for the anniversary of Scott's passing. I can never tell you how much they meant to me.
It was such a difficult day, with so many, many tears. We went to the cemetery and sent a balloon up for each of his immediate family members. I put a note inside each balloon from that family member. They were beautiful as they rapidly rose into the dark & cloudy sky and just then, the sun broke through. It was so beautiful, as the balloons rose, the clouds parted and the blue sky came through. Just seconds before the wind was whipping us all around and the rain was pouring down. It was a very strange feeling to watch the sky change right in front of us..... Even my husband thought it was a very good sign...........and he's hard to convince some times. It was a smile from God.
Again, Please accept my thanks and my love. Lighting a candle is a celebration of that person's life and a recognition of the pain that the loss brought about. I was touched so deeply by the number of candles.
There's no way I would have survived this ordeal without all of you, there's simply no way to tell you each how much I love you and how much I appreciate all you do for me. I tell you everything about my grief, and now you're the only people I really open up to. I can maintain in my daily life because of all of you. Because you've always been there for me. You've never once told me it's time to "move on" or that I should be making more progress, or that you're tired of listening to my grief. I've formed such a strong bond, such a strong relationship with all of you.......... I find it upsetting when I can't get to the forum all day.
I started to get on this morning and my husband asked me if I'd help him plant a couple more rows of grapes in the vineyard. It had stopped raining and was chilly but not cold. Perfect weather for planting grapes. We worked in the vineyard all morning. It was good for me, physical work sometimes clears out the cobwebs. I talked to Scott all the while. Frank heard me and thought I was talking to him and came over to see what I wanted. I fessed up that I was talking to Scott...... he said he does it sometimes also.
Scott left several boxes of his things in the basement of Frank's shop and Frank was going through them. A lot of it was his computer material for installing networks.... but he found Scott's watch. I'm wearing it. It's really been worn a lot and needs a new battery which I will get for it tomorrow. But I will continue to wear it. and he found an atomic desk clock which immediately, right in front of our eyes, set itself to the right time. It homes in on satellites for the correct time.
Laurie and Steve and my granddaughter MacKenzie & Steven went out to the cemetery later. I wanted to go alone because I knew I would be very emotional. With all that's going on with Steve's father, Jerry, I just didn't want to bring that much grief into their home... but Laurie said she had a rough day anyway. It got rougher...... she said they were just sitting down to dinner and lightning struck this huge tree in their back yard and threw a huge limb completely over their house into their front yard. It barely missed MacKenzie's car. Laurie said it scared her to death. It literally debarked the entire tree. Her yard is covered with huge slabs of bark.
Friday night was a very hard night, I cried until I was sick. I was sitting alone in the garden room when Frank came to get me and said, "Scott's here" and I said of course "WHAT?" He said that same smoke alarm had started going off...... not chirping as they do when the battery is low, just every few seconds it sounds the alarm. He got the ladder and put a new battery in it and it still went off. I got another battery for him and finally we both said, "thank you Scott, I know it's you, I love you and I acknowledge that you've made contact" and it stopped!! Poor Frank, who struggles so much to believe in the living spirit after a loved one passes..... is now totally confused. He said why didn't I just tell Scott that in the first place. The ceiling is 12 ft high so he had to go get the ladder and have me hold it steady while he got a new battery inserted.
Again, I love each of you, I will never be able to tell you all how much I love you and how much you've helped me. The day was so painful..........but I kept thinking that most of you have been through at least one or more of these anniversaries..... and as sad as they are, you've survived them.
What would I do without you?
Love, hugs,prayers,
jane
God Bless each of you and thank you. May God send comfort to each of you and soothe your broken hearts.
Love, hugs, prayers,
jane
_________________ Scott Matthew HIll - 2 years old
To lose a child teaches one what the word bereavement really means. There is no loss equal to the loss of a child.
“We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly embracing each other."
~Luciano De Crescenzo
www.scottmatthew-hill.last-memories.com
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