Sinjin...added to on Sat.

Cindy · **Posted:** Fri Oct 26, 2007 11:53 pm

I'm sorry I haven't posted about Sinjin lately. I know you all have told me that is alright to but I guess the enemy has just been working on overtime in that area of my life too and I felt bad to post it here. Seems he's bound and determined to get to me one way or another. Man I've got to stop that.
I'm so glad you asked Tammy...here's the two latest updates. Sinjin went back for more chemo this week.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 24, 2007 08:02 PM
This is continued from my 6:37 pm journal. Okay Sinjin had a sonogram on done on his heart I think I spelled it wrong...well anyway he also had a EKG done on his heart which I had to ask why both there were needed.. They said to see if chemo has damaged his heart. That hit me pretty hard. I was concerned liver, kidney and such but I guess I had not given much thought to what all this chemo could do to his heart, so now I am worried about the test results from those tests. Sinjin can't start his chemo yet because testing his urine shows a high acid level so they are giving his a bag of ...something I can't pronounce to try to bring the level down. Sinjin has to have a spinal tap tomorrow at 8 am. I wish they would have let me know so I could have taken the time off to be here with him for that., John will be here with him so that makes me feel better about it just knowing John will help get him through the laying flat for 6 hours after. Sinjin is not the least bit happy about it, he hates them. So no food or drink after midnight tonight. One of the child life ladies named Melissa who we adore gave Sinjin a Mickey Mouse ears hat and John said Sinjin wore it for all his tests today. John said it was funny Sinjin being wheeled to the other side of the hospital for tests wearing that silly hat. Tonight when I arrived it tipped his silly hat and said to me "how do you do" he is such a mess. He is in good spirits for the moment. He and John are watching TV right now and I am in child life updating all of you. John has to leave in a while and go to work so I will spend the night with Siinjin and get up early to drive to work. Well they are once again closing child life so I must go.I want to thank Anne Gerr for signing Sinjin's guestbook and your prayers are very welcome.
Livingstrong with courage, faith and hope
Sinjin's mom

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 26, 2007 07:02 PM, CDT
1st things first to Anja thanks for signing Sinjin's guest book and to you and anyone wanting to send Sinjin a card, gift or donation our address is under My Story at the top of this page. Just click on it and it is the Kempner address. I just arrived and Sinjin is feeling sick to his stomach and he is very flushed and has a fever. They are giving him something for both. They came in and took more pictures of his heart today I guess the other pictures did not show the doctors where they need to see. So thankful the work week is over and I will be here with him for the entire weekend I do not like having to leave him at all but I have do what I have to do though it sucks out loud!!!!! His Nana, Grampy and his Father came to visit him a while yesterday and Sinjin enjoyed their visit. His home bound school teacher Mr. Best stopped in the day before yesterday but Sinjin was not in his room so he left Sinjin a note and Sinjin's progress report. Well... Sinjin is doing great all high 90's HOORAY for Sinjin with Mr.Best who by the way is the very...very best at Lampasas Middle School, Sinjin will indeed pass with flying colors into the 9th grade. I want to Thank Mr. Best for caring enough to teach my child at home and thank you to Lampasas Middle School for working with us and being so GREAT. I also want to thank a art class at Hanna Springs Elem School for making Sinjin all those very artistic and beautiful cards. After I get back home I will post the teachers name and what class it was. How wonderful of all of you to take the time to do that for Sinjin. He was a Student at Hanna Springs a few years ago and it is a very good school with Great kids!!!! To Sarah Beth Sinjin misses talking to you lol. But he knows you have been very busy. John is cooking for us tonight I think frozen dinners lol but thats okay we will eat as a family in Sinjin's room. Sinjin said for me to give a SHOUT OUT to all the regular's that sign his guest book he said you would know who you are and it would take a while for me to list you all. I do want to once again thank all the memory-of.com moms for all their loyal loving support since the very beginning of this you have been there for us with prayer and encouragement and we love you all. Dianne thats for keeping all those moms updated about Sinjin on the forum. Oh well here goes Oma we love you, Craig we miss you. The Kotts you are forever in our hearts. The Outlaws our ship in this storm of life... we think the world of you. Sandra, Larry and Joyce, Susie Ratcliff, The moms here that give me support who's own child at one time had Burkitts I want to tell you ALL you help keep me sane!!!! My daughter my soul I love you and you have been wonderful. To my family I love you all. Okay so now you see I probably left someone out and if I did I will catch it and tell the world how grat you are next time around. All of you signing this guestbook means the world to Sinjin, John and I. So if you have just been looking take a minute and sign Sinjin's book. I must go I am getting kicked out of child life they are closing. Don't even have time for spell check. I will write more tomorrow. We may by then have some test results back.
Livingstrong with courage, faith and hope
Sinjin's mom

Barbara · **Posted:** Sat Oct 27, 2007 3:54 pm

Cindy,
Thanks for the update,I will continue to keep Sinjin in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless
Barbara

Cindy · **Posted:** Sat Oct 27, 2007 5:23 pm

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2007 10:55 AM

John and I went down to the parking lot this morning and I had a emotional breakdown moment. It's Sinjin's eyes I can see in his eyes that he is not doing well as his mom I just knew. I finally pulled myself together so we could go and talk to his hemo doctor. Sinjin will not be leaving the hospital today as we had hoped nor tomorrow. She has no idea of when because his kidney's are not doing well. The one chemo drug Methorexate is not leaving his body as it should and toxin is high in his body. The doctor said most children just pee it off but Sinjin is not and so they are giving him fluids to try to lower the toxic levels and then a rescue drug for his kidney's and another drug to go pee. It is not working so they are now bumping the doses up. Sinjin is swollen and puffy and feels real bad. She said Sinjin reaction to the chemo this time around is not good she said he is now super sensitive to the chemo. This round he had Vincristine, Methotrexate, Cycophosphamide, Doxoruuh I think I mis spelled the last one and he is also be getting prednisone. The doctor said depending on how he does in the next few days we may have to STOP Chemo totally. I asked her if that happened when would we start again she said we wouldn't. So I am just standing there looking at her in disbelief. I told her that if the cancer is not gone we have to make sure it is before we stop chemo or there would be no hope for Sinjin. She said she does not want the chemo to kill Sinjin and we would deal with that when we cross that bridge. I asked her was Sinjin going to live and she looked at me and said I can not promise you anything but I hope he will pull through this and we can beat this cancer. Hope....that word coming from a doctor I guess I do not know what to think or feel at this moment. I have said this before and I will say it again, me working and having to be away from Sinjin for the health Insurance is not worth it if my son will not survive this. All I think about is all the days and hours that I have missed with him. I have the weekends only with him and the evenings of course when I get off work. It is Not enough. Sinjin's blood pressure for the past 2 days has been 187 / 93 that is not so good. As a mom my heart feels as if it is being torn from my chest while we were home this last time it was almost as if we could forget cancer and Sinjin was doing and feeling pretty well compared to now. I look at him and my heart aches and I just want to stay with him...talk with him... listen to him and cling to each and every word. Somtimes I say to myself "I can't do this anymore" I look over at him and feel ashamed of myself who am I to say a thing like that! He is one going through the pain and suffering. I know that we are going through it together but he is the one who Feels it I will never truly know what he feels inside because of our worst ememy cancer. I have all this pent up anger and emotion that drives me nuts. It is time for me to write another poem to be able to better express myself.. Sinjin was just showing me his gums he is worried about his teeth. He said mama look at my gums they look bad and I think I am going to loose my teeth. He feels cancer has already taken so much from him and now maybe his teeth. Today we watched Dream Girls together before John got here since John does not like musicals. It was sad while the doctor was in the room Sinjin asked her What is the worst thing that can happen to me right now. She said your mouth may get sores and also inside your stomach. You kidney's could shut down but we are not there yet so lets try not to worry. After she left I told Sinjin " Your not giving up right Bud he said in a tired voice "no mama I am not going to give up"

Livingstrong with courage, faith and hope

sinjin's mom

Cindy · **Posted:** Sat Oct 27, 2007 9:05 pm

(Here is the link if anyone would like updates emailed to you so that you can write in the guestbook.)
http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/viewHome.do
I think I need to tell you if you click on the link to click visit and then type in his name like this sinjinandrukates

I also thought you might want to see who it is you're praying for.
Love, Cindy

Tonya · **Posted:** Sat Oct 27, 2007 10:25 pm

Cindy...

Thank you so much for the update on Sinjin. He continues to remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
~Tonya~

Cindy · **Posted:** Sun Oct 28, 2007 11:56 pm

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2007 06:19 PM
Last night was longâ€¦long so very long. They gave Sinjin something to help him sleep. I could not sleep a wink for watching him. I had thought about sleeping and then everything went haywire. It started when day nurse left and had not ordered Sinjinâ€™s meds so here he sat no meds that he needed. Night nurse ordered the meds from the pharmacy but it would be more than an hour before they would be sent up. He needed

Leucovorin which in short is the drug that lets the methotrexate know that its time to move on out of his body. They finally sent up the bags and I had walked up to the front to see what was taking so long and saw the bags laying on the desk with Sinjinâ€™s name on them but they were not correct. They had sent up more chemo. I then had to stand there and argue with the nurse that Sinjin had already done his 3 days of chemo and was done with this round and he was supposed to be getting the rescue drug Leucovorin NOT more Chemo. She of course thought I was full of crap I guess and decided she would look into it. I let her know that there was Not going to be more chemo this stay, I then decide to go back to Sinjinâ€™s room and for a lack of a better word stood watch over him. The correct meds finally came and I at that time allowed them to hang them. Then a few hours later they drew blood to send off but then had to come back again because they dropped and broke the 1st set, do you see why I AM AFRAID TO SLEEP. The doctor says Sinjinâ€™s Creatinine is high and that she is concerned..

The serum Creatinine (cree-AT-in-een) is present after the chemical Creatine (cree-uh-TEEN) is broken down by the body in order to make energy for your muscles. The kidneys are normally able to filter out large amounts of creatinine on a daily basis. However, when kidney problems are present, your creatinine levels will increase, reflecting less creatinine being filtered out through the kidneys. Sinjin to me looks better today than he did yesterday but he still not out of the woods. We just want to go home. I must go back to work tomorrow and as always it will be hard to leave him here. Must go Sinjin wants me to watch extreme home makeover with him.

Livingstrong with courage

Sinjinâ€™s mom

Tonya · **Posted:** Mon Oct 29, 2007 9:00 am

Cindy....

Thank you very much for the update on precious Sinjin. He and his family continues to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
~Tonya~

Cindy · **Posted:** Mon Oct 29, 2007 9:31 am

MONDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2007 12:27 AM
Sinjin is not doing well they now have him on morphine he is having severe stomach pain. It is so bad that he was crying at 1st and then he was out of control in pain screaming. I became frantic and ran from his room trying to find somone to help him he kepy saying "mama why is God letting this happen to me"? "Why so much pain"? I have no answer...I within a matter of a few moments was having a panic attack and John got me out of his room and was tryng to calm me. I broke out in hives all over and was having trouble breathing. I feel helpless, I can't fix this for him and watching him go through this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. They are running more tests and have also come to his room to take an xray. My fear is this is exactly how it started the last time he ended up in ICU. I have to keep leaving his room because I get so emotional and I have to stay strong in front of him.Earlier tonight he was doing better at least we thought he was and then all of a sudden Sinjin was in a little pain that turned into alot of pain within a matter of minutes. John called in to work and is staying here and I have done the same. I can't leave Sinjin like this not knowing what is happening and in so much pain. This is where I want to be and where I need to be here for Sinjin. We hope to know more by morning.

Livingstrong with faith Sinjin's mom

Lynda · **Posted:** Mon Oct 29, 2007 10:34 am

Dear Cindy,
Please continue to post updates on Sinjin! His family has been on the the hearts of so many and we feel as if we know them. I love reading about how your precious Sarah helps him so much too!!!! Keeping him in my prayers always.
Hugs,
Lynda

Tonya · **Posted:** Mon Oct 29, 2007 11:26 am

I am sending many prayers for Sinjin and his family. He has become part of all of our hearts, please keep the updates coming.

Cece · **Posted:** Mon Oct 29, 2007 12:21 pm

I continue to pray for Sinjin and his family. My heart aches for the suffering and pain they are all going through.

JANE_E · **Posted:** Mon Oct 29, 2007 7:03 pm

Dear Cindy,

Our poor precious Sinjin. It's gotten so just seeing his name brings on a panic attack in me. He's been through so much and his poor mother and father. How they're able to keep their strength up is amazing. They must be exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. My heart aches for them........

I think we all say a "Please Dear God.........." when we see an update on him. My heart starts pounding and I feel a strange fear before I read the updates. I'm so afraid for him. He's been so brave, so strong that I pray he can lick this vicious demon that's eating at him. Cancer is so scary and having a child with it is beyond belief. It should never, ever be.

Needless to say, lots of prayers have been sent on behalf of this precious little boy. And he needs us to keep up the praying, he's not out of the woods yet.

God Bless him,
jane

Cindy · **Posted:** Mon Oct 29, 2007 10:29 pm

MONDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2007 06:14 PM

I am always afraid to journal that Sinjin seems to be doing better because each time I do it seems that within hours it just turns for the worse. His methotrexate level is still to high and the creatine level keeps going up and down. Sinjin will be just laying there real still and all of a sudden he just starts shaking all over. I told the doctor that I thought that it was the methotrexate causing it she says no she thinks it is anxiety that is causing it. Huh??? I do not agree with her I know Sinjin and it is not anxiety causing this. I have not decided yet weather or not I should go to work and leave him tomorrow. I have learned over the past 51/2 months that with cancer and chemo things can change in a matter of just a few hours and sometimes minute to minute. One moment it seems as if everything is going so well and then all of a sudden the bottom is falling out and you sit dazed asking yourself...what just happened. I know he wants me here and I know he is upset and worried because he is still in here 2 days after the day he was supposed to go home. The doctor told us that Sinjin is receiving massive doses of Leucovian and that the pharmacy said that they are beginning to run low and are questioning her on the amount he is receiving. So after all these massive doses his level of the chemo still in his system is high. My question is WHY? I ask her and she does not have a answer for me. I worry about what vital organs it is harming by just hanging out in his body. Sinjin is on the phone right now with you guessed it... Miss Sarah Beth Outlaw. She is the very best medicine for him right now. He has not wanted to talk on the phone much since he has been here and I am thrilled that he feels well enough to talk to her. She lights up his world!!!!! Sinjin because a nurse told him... maybe... thinks he might get to go home tomorrow. The doctor said the way it looks at this time that he would not be out of here by Wednesday so Sinjin decides he will ask each nurse that comes in untill he gets the answer he is looking for. He does seem to be feeling better but I just don't want to speak to soon. He is pretty down beacause his Sissy is leaving on Thursdsay and he is stuck here in the hospital. I am pretty sad also I hate that they are leaving but she must so we have to accept it. I will now have a vacant guesthouse again and have thought about moving someone in there that can help us care for Sinjin while we are at work. I wanted to tell Laura, Cory's mom that I did listen to the song maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow... and I cried. Oh my what a beautiful song it is I think I shall have to buy it. Thank you for sharing the site with me and for your # if things keep going as they bare I will probably be calling you. I want to tell Dianne to please send hugs for us to Victoria's mom and tell her that we are livingstrong with courage, faith and hope and that I cherish each and every moment I have with Sinjin. She can to do some normal stuff and as she does it she can say this little bit of normal is for Lorna.And please thank her for the prayers she is sending our way. Hey Dianne also know we are sending you Cindy and all the fine Ladies at memory-of.com. Hugs and a whole lotta love.

Livingstrong with courage, faith and hope

Sinjin's mom

Sinjin...added to on Sat.

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