HURTING SO MUCH.IT DOESNT STOP

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

I WAS THE FIRST TO HOLD CHRIS AND THE LAST,I KISSED HIS BOOBOO,S WHEN HE FELL DOWN AS A CHILD.WHEN HE GREW AS A YOUNG MAN ,HE CAME TO ME FOR ALL HIS PROBLEMS,WE WOULD TALK ,CRY AND HUG .HE KNEW I WOULD BE THERE TROUGH ANYTHING.THE 1 MOMENT HE NEEDED ME AND CRIED OUT TO ME, I COULDNT DO ANYTHING.I MISS HIM SO MUCH.CHRIS NEEDED ME AND I COULDNT HELP HIM.EVERY MORNING I GET UP IN A PANIC,I LOOK FOR CHRIS.HOPING I JUST HAD A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE.BUT THEN I SEE ITS REAL.I SHAKE AT THE THOUGHT OF WHAT HE WENT THROUGH,AND WHAT WAS HE THINKINGWHIE THE CAR WAS COMING THROUGH THE ROOF.WHY,WHY

Cece · **Posted:** Mon Oct 29, 2007 12:47 pm

My dear friend Carla,
Nothing that I could say will answer your questions nor make you feel better. I feel so helpless. Please know that you are in my prayers and I care.

Cindy · **Posted:** Mon Oct 29, 2007 1:03 pm

Carla, I'm so sorry. I know that has got to be so hard for you. You did not fail your son. You did all you could do and he knows that. I know he knew it even as he called out to you but "if" he didn't, he knows it now from Heaven. Carla, he isn't hurting now. He isn't in any pain and he's not afraid. There is no heartache, no suffering, no pain and no tears in Heaven. Many times I think back and feel like I somehow failed B.J. because I didn't know he was so sick. But I know in my heart that is only lies. I did not fail him and you did not fail Chris.
And you know what else Carla? Now this may sound a little dumb but it's still the truth... Even if we did fail them (and we didn't) they are in Heaven now and they can't remember. I know they can't because if they could remember us failing them over anything, it would make them sad and there's no sadness in Heaven. So from the way I see it...they don't see where we ever failed them even on little things.
I really have thought about this so many times and it brings comfort to my heart. If Heaven is only good and we know it is...then our boys are up there telling each other that they have the best Mom ever cause they can't remember anything but the good! Now you tell me how can you argue that fact? It's the truth Carla, I know it is.
Love, Cindy

Tonya · **Posted:** Mon Oct 29, 2007 1:03 pm

Carla,

I wish there was something that I could say or do to help you through this. I wish there was a magical wand that I could wave to make your pain go away. One day, my dear friend, we will have answers to all of our questions; but until then, all I can do is offer you my thoughts, love and prayers. Please know, that you are very dear to me - as is everyone here - and I love you so very much. I am always here, ready to lend a shoulder and an ear to everything that your precious, broken heart has to say. You are forever in my thoughts and prayers.

I love you.....
~Tonya~

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

SOMEDAYS ,IT FEELS LIKE MY MIND IS GOING CRAZY,I KNOW MY FAITH IN CHRIST IS SOLID.BUT THE PAIN IS OVER WELMING,TODAY IS SO HARD.THE BOYS ARE AT SCHOOL BILL,S AT WORK AND HERE I AM.I THINK SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED AND I DONT KNOW IF I CAN LIVE WITHOUT CHRIS HERE,AT TIMES ITS TO MUCH.CHRIS WAS SO MUCH OF EVERY PART OF MY LIFE.

JANE_E · **Posted:** Mon Oct 29, 2007 6:46 pm

Oh Carla,

I'm so sorry, I feel like Cece.......... I'd give anything to have magic to send to each of us to take away the pain.

Carla, dear Carla, I can understand so well how you feel, this was such a freak accident, Chris was home, he wasn't doing anything to endanger himself or anyone else........ the horror came into your home, into his very own bedroom and hurt him.

There was absolutely nothing you could do, nothing. His angel had already taken him when the last moment came. If he called to you, it was before he was rescued by his angel. The worst pain, the most horrible agony a mother can feel is not being able to get to her child in times of hurt, sickness or danger. I felt as if I let my own son down.... I should have moved him to a better hospital sooner, I should have insisted that they take the tumor off his pancreas, I should have or why didn't I.......... I've lain awake at night asking myself what I could have done to save my son. I think it's natural that we will ask ourselves those questions.

In heaven there are no more questions, or grief or guilt. Only total love, absolutely unconditional love. Your beloved Chris knew he was loved and he knows it now to the depths of his soul. He knows you would have given your very life for him in a second.

I'm so sorry for your pain........... I mentioned earlier that I think we're all going through a new layer of grief now. Maybe it's the fall weather, maybe it's the holidays coming up, but I feel it so very strongly myself. I ache to see my son, to hold him just once more.
I know each of us feels that same pain, that same longing.

Prayers for you always,
Love, hugs,
jane

Barbara · **Posted:** Mon Oct 29, 2007 7:28 pm

Carla,
I wish I had the right words to comfort you and take away your pain but there just aren't any.There seems to be know answer as to Why? I struggle everyday with that one word Why? Why my son? I am sending up extra prayers for you for God to give you sthrenght to get through.
Love,
Barbara

Patsy-VernsMom · **Posted:** Tue Oct 30, 2007 12:57 am

Carla I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers. I wish I could take the pain away from all as I wish noone felt the hurt and pain I do, no words can be said to help, but I hope knowing I care will remain with you. Sending hugs

Love you
Patsy

HURTING SO MUCH.IT DOESNT STOP

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