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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 7:30 pm 
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I FEEL VERY DOWN AND I COULDNT SEEM TO GET DRESSED TODAY.I HAVE BEEN STARING IN SPACE ALOT TODAY. :( :( I WENT BACK TO BED BUT IT MADE IT WORSE

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 8:20 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 10:23 pm
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Location: Oklahoma
I have felt really sad since yesterday,Michaels 9 month angelversary.Today I've had aheadache and backache.Stress I guess.Hopefully tomorrow is better.
love,hugs and prayers,
Barbara

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 8:24 pm 
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Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2007 12:46 pm
Posts: 254
Location: Washington State, USA
Strange you should ask, I was feeling ok all day. I had the baby and he's so precious to me, his sweet little giggle when I blow on his tummy or kiss his neck........ he absolutely giggles me to tears........... I find it so sweet, so precious, I can close my eyes and I'm back with my own babies again. So, I had a good day.........

But, once they came and picked him up I had a couple things I needed to pick up at Target so my husband dropped me off while he went to Sears to exchange a tool. While I was in the store I saw the woman who use to be my boss at the college several years ago. I love her, she's a very dear friend but I slipped away while she was looking at something else and didn't stop to talk to her. Shortly after that I saw someone from church and I was cornered and had to stop and say hello, but I didn't want to....... and then I started shaking, inside & out.......... I finished my shopping and Frank came back to pick me up and he put everything on the checkout counter for me while I paid. I was shaking so badly and so silent he asked what had happened. What do you say? I saw a couple people I know?????? Why does that cause me to feel so anxious? Why do I start into a meltdown when that happens?

So, as soon as I walked in the door I had to take an anti anxiety pill and it's just now starting to help. The shaking has stopped.

This is what I mean about not being able to predict my own moods.........or emotional status. It can change so fast on me and for reasons that really aren't clear. Now, I'm just feeling overwhelmed with grief. I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my cheeks......... and WHY?

jane

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To lose a child teaches one what the word bereavement really means. There is no loss equal to the loss of a child.

“We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly embracing each other."
~Luciano De Crescenzo

www.scottmatthew-hill.last-memories.com


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 12:26 am 
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Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2007 12:57 pm
Posts: 578
Location: Texas
I'm mixed up and messed up. That about says it all.

I MISS B.J.!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I CAN'T HARDLY STAND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT HIM TO COME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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B.J. you will always be my best Buddy in the Whole World. B.J., Wayne and Buck...forever loved and missed and never forgotten.
http://bobby-outlawii.last-memories.com
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 8:55 am 
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Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2007 11:23 am
Posts: 330
Location: Pennsylvania
Today I feel......

Really, really sad and confused. I've been crying all morning. I have to wear my "mask" because I'm here at work, and then again, tonight my "mask" will be on to take my daughter Trick or Treating. I can't ruin her fun; I won't allow myself to do that. I feel like I'm in a dark hole and there's no way out. I feel like my whole world is spinning out of control. I miss my boys so much and there's not a stinking thing that I can do about it. I completely understand that life does go on, but that doesn't ease my pain or emptiness. Lately life just makes no sense to me. I just don't understand it. I've had so many talks with God, I swear He's going to get sick of hearing my big mouth. ha ha ha :?

October is over and we're stepping into a new month, the month that we're supposed to be giving thanks for everything that we have. Don't get me wrong, I am VERY thankful for everything that God has bestowed upon me, very, very thankful. But at the same time, I'm ending a month that was supposed to be filled with such joy, celebration and happiness....my birthday, my daughter's birthday, my nephew's birthday; and then the dark cloud of Jaydon and Jordan's Birthday/Angelversary. I don't know, I guess that's why God keeps sending me new challenges, to take my mind off of other things.

I'm sorry for rambling. I just needed to vent for a little bit. Thank you all for being there.

I love you....
~Tonya~

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 8:57 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 21, 2007 3:17 pm
Posts: 62
Location: Texas
I agree Cindy....I'm messed up and mixed up too!!

I miss my Kevin so much and I want him to come home!!

I just feel empty and alone!

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 9:20 am 
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Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2007 11:23 am
Posts: 330
Location: Pennsylvania
Lynda,

I know exactly what you mean!!!!!! I try so hard to make good memories for Nadia, but it's so difficult. I, too, struggle with the questions of the "what if's". I am trying, so very hard, to do things for and with Nadia to create those special memories. I want the happiness that she sees in my face to be sincere, and honestly, most times it is; but there are days when I have to fake every smile or laugh. Why does this have to be so difficult? I pray to God every night to give the strength to right by my daughter, and other children that I may have one day. It's just so hard. So very hard. :(

I am sending you many hugs, my dear friend...
~Tonya~

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 10:48 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 10:23 pm
Posts: 480
Location: Oklahoma
Today I feel anxious .And I miss Michael so much with it being Halloween.He loved Halloween.I'd give anything to have him back.
Hugs,
Barbara

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Last edited by Barbara on Tue Dec 04, 2007 11:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 9:23 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 10:23 pm
Posts: 480
Location: Oklahoma
Today I feel really dizzy I got up this morning and just lost all sence of balance and crashed into the closet door.Don't know what happened.Maybe I need to have my tsh checked again.I had my thyroid taken out two years ago so I'm on thyroid pills for the rest of my life.Don't know but something is off.
hugs,
Barbara

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 10:44 am 
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Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2007 12:46 pm
Posts: 254
Location: Washington State, USA
Today I feel,

Concerned about Barbara, please find out what's going on. You need to see your doctor right away. Please let us know you're ok. love you,

I feel very, very anxious. I'm going away with a group of friends from the college where I worked. These are dear old friends who go back many years. We've been doing this beach trip for many years and this year we are down two members. Our dear friend Judy had brain surgery last year and has been forever changed by it, so won't be going. Our beloved Betty had a terrible fall 18 months ago and two surgeries because of it and still cannot walk. She's not healing properly so her doctor says no to her about this trip. It's going to be sad to be missing two good friends.

I feel very anxious about going........ not sure why. I guess maybe because my "connection" to all of you and my son will be cut for four days. It's the first time, and I'm afraid.......don't know what I'm afraid of, but I am. I'll miss you all so much.

Love, hugs, prayers,
jane

_________________
Scott Matthew HIll - 2 years old
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To lose a child teaches one what the word bereavement really means. There is no loss equal to the loss of a child.

“We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly embracing each other."
~Luciano De Crescenzo

www.scottmatthew-hill.last-memories.com


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 11:10 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 10:23 pm
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Location: Oklahoma
Jane,
I have called my doctor this morning and left message.I'll probably have to go back in for blood tests.Thank You for your concern.
love,hugs and prayers,
Barbara

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http://www.michael-butler.last-memories.com


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 2:13 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm
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TODAY,IM SAD AND WANTING THIS NIGHTMARE TO END,BOTH MY BOYS ARE HOME FROM SCHOOL,THEY ARE MISSING CHRIS.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 10:47 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 10:23 pm
Posts: 480
Location: Oklahoma
I think I can make it through to day not feeling as bad.My Dr. Took me off the trazodone I was taking at night to help me sleep.Possibly what was causing my dizziness.Done some blood work to test my TSH lvels to see if I need to change my thyroid dosage.
But I'll be fine.Just to much stress.
Hugs,
Barbara

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http://www.michael-butler.last-memories.com


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 11:02 pm 
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Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2007 12:57 pm
Posts: 578
Location: Texas
My heart hurts too much. It feels like a heavy weight is on my chest just crushing it. It's been this way for a week now. ~ Cindy

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B.J. you will always be my best Buddy in the Whole World. B.J., Wayne and Buck...forever loved and missed and never forgotten.
http://bobby-outlawii.last-memories.com
http://bjoutlawii.memory-of.com


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 11:55 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 10:23 pm
Posts: 480
Location: Oklahoma
Today I feel heartache for everyone here in our forum family.Theres so much pain and sickness and so many broken hearts.I wish there was something I could do or say to fix it all.All I know is to say a prayer for each and everyone of you and your families for God to give you strength and comfort so you can find some sence of happiness and peace again.Don't give up or give in remember ONE DAY AT A TIME!! I love you all!!!!
((((HUGS))))
Barbara

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http://www.michael-butler.last-memories.com


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