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Today I Feel..............
http://forum.last-memories.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=825
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Author:  Cece [ Sun Dec 16, 2007 10:53 pm ]
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Lynda, have you asked her why she does not hang Garion stocking? It may upset her to have the reminder that he is no longer on this earth. Or, she may feel it would be painful to you to see it hanging there. You could let her know how much it means to you to know that he has not been forgotten. Can't hurt, might help.

Author:  Lynda [ Sun Dec 16, 2007 11:16 pm ]
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Dear Lucy,
Awe hun...thank you for helping. Yes, that first year I made it very clear that it hurt more not seeing it than seeing it. I cried so hard, I even had myself in another room from everyone else for an hour trying to recompose myself. I told her that I would like to have his stocking if they are going to just keep it boxed up. They wouldn't even notice it if they hung it up, so I can't see how it would bother them, there is 20 of us...but only 19 stockings hang now...I notice that one missing because it is my sons. I bet no one else even knows what it looks like! But I do. I will say that they hung an ornament instead for him...and even though it is beautiful, I just want to take that ornament and shove it you know where and put his stocking back up with his sister, brother, and cousins...where it belongs! Why should I have another reminder at Christmas time that Garion is missing...I wish they would understand my need for him to not be missing physically much less from our family traditions. If this is how they feel, they are really going to be disappointed in the picture of the kids where I added Garion. The problem is that My children are not her biological grandchildren (Craig's mama died when he was 15) and there has been a history of problems/favorites amongst the biological children and grandchildren and none biological. I wasn't as surprised to not see it this year as I was last year, but it still hurt like heck...I guess I was hoping after them seeing my reaction last year that they would have hung it up this year. She didn't even hang the ornament Garion & Calyn gave to them with their picture on it (before Rylon was born) but her biological granddaughters picture ornament was on there...go figure.
As you can tell I am venting....I hope I can let this go, until next year, after writing this and putting it out there. I have a feeling I am going to go through these bitter emotions every Christmas with her. I do thank you for listening to me though...HUGS!
Hugs,
Lynda

Author:  Cindy [ Mon Dec 17, 2007 1:03 am ]
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(Craig's mama died when he was 15) and there has been a history of problems/favorites amongst the biological children and grandchildren and non biological.

Lynda, I'm really sorry. This lady just doesn't realize what she is missing out on. I know it must hurt you so much but it does not make our Garion any less important. And...some people you just can't change.
Love and prayers, Cindy

Author:  momma to3 boys [ Wed Dec 19, 2007 6:03 pm ]
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lynda,i have found that relatives do things like that because it makes them feel better.she may not put your son,s stocking up because she doesnt want to be reminded of what happened,not realizing how much it hurts you.my in laws are that way.

Author:  momma to3 boys [ Wed Dec 19, 2007 6:04 pm ]
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today ,i feel panic,i just am hurting .i miss chris,i did not sleep last nite

Author:  Cindy [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 1:46 pm ]
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:cry: I just miss my Buddy so much!

Author:  Jo* [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:08 pm ]
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Today I feel.....numb......almost devoid of feeling.

In the past 2-3 weeks, my actions have been mechanical.....I do things because I have to, but there is no feeling involved.

I'm just numb.

Author:  Cindy [ Sat Dec 22, 2007 8:20 pm ]
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Today I feel like my world is crashing down around me and there's no way of escape. I'm so broken. :cry:

Author:  Cece [ Tue Dec 25, 2007 12:51 am ]
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Sad, so sad. This is my first Christmas without Laura in this world. I am trying to hold it together for the rest of the family. I wear my mask. I smile and laugh, but inside my heart is breaking. I try to think of all the past Christmases with Laura and be thankful that I had her for so long. Those memories are bittersweet. She loved Christmas so much. After she no longer believed in Santa Claus, I recruited her to "help" by stuffing the stockings for everyone else. She felt so important. I knew she would keep the "secret" because she knew that if they no longer believed, they would get to "help" play Santa too. That worked for years for each of the kids as they grew up. After Laura grew up and had her own family she continued to keep "the magic" alive. Oh yes, we all knew the "reason for the season". We always celebrated it as Jesus' birthday. We knew that Santa represented the spirit of giving and that the exchange of gifts was representative of the gifts from the Magi. I remember that after the Christmas eve services every child would get a bad of goodies on their way out of church. How Laura loved that. These memories are so sweet. How can they be making me feel so sad. My heart aches for her children who are having their first Christmas without a mom. I pray for God to give me the strength to get through tomorrow. Thank you for listening.

Author:  Cindy [ Tue Dec 25, 2007 2:46 am ]
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My family had our Christmas get to together today on Christmas Eve. We always have since we use to spend Christmas day with Bobby's Mom before she passed away. So all of it is behind us more or less and tomorrow will just be a day to rest for us. But now I'm so very sad. All I've wanted to do for the past several hours is just cry. :cry: I miss my Buddy so much.

Author:  JANE_E [ Tue Dec 25, 2007 3:34 am ]
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I had all of my immediate family here tonight....... My son Michael, his wife Tara,son Michael and daughter Mariah. My daughter Laurie, her husband Steve, their son Steven and his wife Nicole and their baby...little Steven. Also, Laurie's daughter MacKenzie. Scott's wife Kelli, his sons Kevin & Christopher and daughter Rebecca. I had a house full of my precious family and yet, off and on all night.........and especially now....... my tears kept falling. My heart is broken........and I'm so sad I can't even voice the pain I'm feeling.

I want my son here with us........ I need to have him here, with his wife and children and with his parents. I can't face this any longer.....it's pure hell on earth. How do I get this sorrow under control? It seems to be controlling me lately.........

So, after a house full for the day and evening, it's back to just my husband, Frank and me. The silence is deafening......... I miss my son, oh God....... I miss my son.

Scott's brother Michael and wife Tara went out to the cemetery to visit him and came back so sad. I didn't go, I don't need to visit him there,and I knew that would be it for me for the rest of the day.... and I couldn't do it, not tonight with all the famiily here.... but I'll go tomorrow morning.

This is even harder than last year........ I'm hurting so badly I can't stand it. We've been invited to my daughter's for dinner but I think we'll just stay home and pretend like it's just another day. I'm so very tired and so sad, I can't face anymore of Christmas this year.

I hope you're all ok. But, I know that sadness is with each of us tonight and tomorrow.

love, hugs, prayers,
jane

Author:  momma to3 boys [ Tue Dec 25, 2007 1:14 pm ]
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missing chris :( ,

Author:  Lynda [ Wed Dec 26, 2007 9:24 am ]
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Today I feel...
Sadness about a new year approaching. Each year that comes and goes is another number further from when I last saw my son. This is something I never even thought about prior to losing my Garion...but now I think of it every new year.
Hugs,
Lynda

Author:  Lynda [ Thu Dec 27, 2007 11:52 am ]
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Today I feel...
Disappointed but yet not surprised of the disrespect, disgust, and lowness of a certain someone. At the same time I am thankful for the angel families I have grown to love and I am also very thankful for a new friendship I have made in the midst of it all.
Hugs,
Lynda

Author:  Cookie7434 [ Thu Dec 27, 2007 11:46 pm ]
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Today I feel....
I have been so lost. Unbearable pain I carry in my heart. My love and prayers to all and to our Angels. I can hardly make it to the computer these days. God Bless

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