I don't know how I feel today. I guess so empty is the best way to put it. Sometimes I think the heart ripping pain is better cause at least crying brings some relief. I hate feeling like I feel today.
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| Author: | Tonya [ Mon Dec 10, 2007 10:09 am ] |
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Shy of not being able to breath properly and a sore throat, I don't feel to bad today. Thank God!!!! I still miss my boys with every fiber of my being, but I'm okay today. I love you all!!! |
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| Author: | Lynda [ Mon Dec 10, 2007 1:49 pm ] |
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Got out some this morning...it felt good. So far it has been a gentle day, which I am thankful for. Hugs, Lynda |
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| Author: | Cindy [ Tue Dec 11, 2007 11:14 am ] |
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I don't know how I feel today. I guess so empty is the best way to put it. Sometimes I think the heart ripping pain is better cause at least crying brings some relief. I hate feeling like I feel today.
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| Author: | Cindy [ Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:41 pm ] |
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 I don't know how I feel today except my heart hurts a physical pain. And I miss B.J.
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| Author: | momma to3 boys [ Thu Dec 13, 2007 2:15 pm ] |
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i feel like im living and chris should be here with me.i just feel angry . |
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| Author: | momma to3 boys [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 3:46 pm ] |
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today i feel sad,my son told me ,mom why arnt you doing Christmas,i need to pull myself up and do this for Jesus and my boys |
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| Author: | Cindy [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 3:51 pm ] |
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Oh Carla, just do the best you can do. There are just some things that even our other children can't understand because they aren't the Mom. I'm praying for you. Hugs, Cindy |
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| Author: | Lynda [ Sun Dec 16, 2007 10:21 pm ] |
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Feeling a little anxious as Christmas approaches...next weekend begins our family get togethers. Calyn & Rylon are excited, which is what keeps me moving forward with the holidays. I will do this for them! On a side note...I went to my in-laws yesterday and sure enough, they didn't hang Garion's stocking with the grandkids stockings. The stockings are for decoration, she never puts anything in them, so it upsets me that she keeps his packed in the attic...ARGH!!!! Hugs, Lynda |
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| Author: | Cece [ Sun Dec 16, 2007 10:53 pm ] |
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Lynda, have you asked her why she does not hang Garion stocking? It may upset her to have the reminder that he is no longer on this earth. Or, she may feel it would be painful to you to see it hanging there. You could let her know how much it means to you to know that he has not been forgotten. Can't hurt, might help. |
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| Author: | Lynda [ Sun Dec 16, 2007 11:16 pm ] |
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Dear Lucy, Awe hun...thank you for helping. Yes, that first year I made it very clear that it hurt more not seeing it than seeing it. I cried so hard, I even had myself in another room from everyone else for an hour trying to recompose myself. I told her that I would like to have his stocking if they are going to just keep it boxed up. They wouldn't even notice it if they hung it up, so I can't see how it would bother them, there is 20 of us...but only 19 stockings hang now...I notice that one missing because it is my sons. I bet no one else even knows what it looks like! But I do. I will say that they hung an ornament instead for him...and even though it is beautiful, I just want to take that ornament and shove it you know where and put his stocking back up with his sister, brother, and cousins...where it belongs! Why should I have another reminder at Christmas time that Garion is missing...I wish they would understand my need for him to not be missing physically much less from our family traditions. If this is how they feel, they are really going to be disappointed in the picture of the kids where I added Garion. The problem is that My children are not her biological grandchildren (Craig's mama died when he was 15) and there has been a history of problems/favorites amongst the biological children and grandchildren and none biological. I wasn't as surprised to not see it this year as I was last year, but it still hurt like heck...I guess I was hoping after them seeing my reaction last year that they would have hung it up this year. She didn't even hang the ornament Garion & Calyn gave to them with their picture on it (before Rylon was born) but her biological granddaughters picture ornament was on there...go figure. As you can tell I am venting....I hope I can let this go, until next year, after writing this and putting it out there. I have a feeling I am going to go through these bitter emotions every Christmas with her. I do thank you for listening to me though...HUGS! Hugs, Lynda |
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| Author: | Cindy [ Mon Dec 17, 2007 1:03 am ] |
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(Craig's mama died when he was 15) and there has been a history of problems/favorites amongst the biological children and grandchildren and non biological. Lynda, I'm really sorry. This lady just doesn't realize what she is missing out on. I know it must hurt you so much but it does not make our Garion any less important. And...some people you just can't change. Love and prayers, Cindy |
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| Author: | momma to3 boys [ Wed Dec 19, 2007 6:03 pm ] |
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lynda,i have found that relatives do things like that because it makes them feel better.she may not put your son,s stocking up because she doesnt want to be reminded of what happened,not realizing how much it hurts you.my in laws are that way. |
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| Author: | momma to3 boys [ Wed Dec 19, 2007 6:04 pm ] |
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today ,i feel panic,i just am hurting .i miss chris,i did not sleep last nite |
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| Author: | Cindy [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 1:46 pm ] |
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 I just miss my Buddy so much!
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| Author: | Jo* [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:08 pm ] |
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Today I feel.....numb......almost devoid of feeling. In the past 2-3 weeks, my actions have been mechanical.....I do things because I have to, but there is no feeling involved. I'm just numb. |
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