Today I Feel..............

Cece · **Posted:** Tue Jan 08, 2008 4:58 pm

Worried...........We were hoping that 2008 would be better than 2007. Well, it's not starting out very well. Last Friday morning my MIL was found on the floor between her BR and bathroom. She had lain there for 3-4 hours. She has had a stroke. She is in the hospital. Her speech is affected. She talks clearly, but is having a great deal of difficulty finding the words to express herself. It seems like we are mostly playing guessing games. It is very frustrating for her. We don't know whether she will get this back. I just keep praying. Thinking of all of you my friends.

Cindy · **Posted:** Thu Jan 10, 2008 12:06 pm

So sad

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

frustrated and sad.panic too.my son wants to play football at school.

lonelyheart24 · **Posted:** Wed Jan 16, 2008 1:13 am

Today I am feeling very lost inside... I was feeling a little bit better last week but this week its not that good... Every time it snows here I just think to the first snow we had for the year and Brianna was here for it ... I can still see myself standing in front of the door holding her in my arms saying " Look hunny its snowing I can't wait until you get bigger and we can make snowmen and snow angels, have a snow ball fight.." My good I'm not doing good at all today... I want my little girl back I need to hear her cry for me... I need to smell her after a bath... I need to just hold her in my arms... I just need her so very much... I feel my heart breaking more every day as the time passes... I miss her so much right now... I'm crying so hard I am having a hard time looking at the key board.. I wish I could have that day back the day she died.. I would have changed something... I was sleeping when she died she was right next to me why didn't she cry if something was wrong... I want my baby back... My sweet little gnome... My Brianna sweet angel... I'm feeling very blue right now... Sorry!!!
Much love,
-Michelle-

Cece · **Posted:** Wed Jan 16, 2008 1:51 pm

Michelle, I am sorry that your grief has been so overpowering lately. We all have times like that so, we know how your feeling. It is totally devastating . My heart goes out to you. I will pray for you. Love and (((HUGS)))

Cindy · **Posted:** Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:13 pm

Today I feel so sad yet so angry. My twins Wayne and Buck would have been turning 22 years old on the 26th. and I missed out on everything with them. What would they have looked like now? What would their personalities have been like? I don't even know what they looked like then. :cry:

Cece · **Posted:** Tue Jan 22, 2008 7:03 pm

Lifting you in prayer Cindy and sending lots of {{{{{Cindy}}}}}

Barbara · **Posted:** Thu Jan 24, 2008 7:47 pm

Cindy, Wayne and Buck were precious, beautiful little angels then,just the same as they are now.

Love and {{{hugs}}}
Barbara

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

Barbara · **Posted:** Sun Jan 27, 2008 9:51 am

I feel the reality hitting me head on. I want my boys back,i look at Michaels empty room and can only ask WHY? Why did you have to take both my sons?

Barbara

Patsy-VernsMom · **Posted:** Sun Jan 27, 2008 2:06 pm

Today I am feeling so lost. I sit and stare at Vernon's picture, the tears fall like rain, the uncontrollable shaking I can't stop. Like each of you , I cry out WHY! I can not stop blameing myself no matter what I do or others saying its not my fault. If I had not married that man, if I had not took Vernon into that house that nite, and WHY did I not hear something to have helped him, he must have called out for me, and I didn't help my son. It is so hard to cope day to day, sometimes I really don't want to any more. I am so tired and what sleep I do get doesn't give me much rest.

Hugs to all
Patsy

nancywaz · **Posted:** Tue Jan 29, 2008 6:28 am

Oh..... Patsy hun im so sorry for the way you feel.. i can relate to you hun, if i never allowed wasim to go to yemen, he would be here with me today, if i made him come back xmas time he may be with me today.... maybe the doctors would of saved him in the Uk.... im told he was poisened by nasty people out of jealousy... ill never know what happened to him....

I wish i could comfort you hun i really do.... ((((((((((((patsy))))))))))))) i don't know what to say hun other than we all wait for that day when were with them again... Dont blame your self patsy its that mad scum bad who took your son from you... HE WILL BE TORTURED ON THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT... GOD WILL MAKE SURE OF IT... your son is an angel dressed in white at peace, no pain smelling of all the flowers god created waiting for his mommy.... and that day will come hun it will for all of us.... god bless you patsy xxxxxxxxxxxx
Wasim's mom

Drross · **Posted:** Fri Feb 01, 2008 8:03 pm

I am new to this forum. I wrote my story on another post. I am feeling lost and lonely today. After reading some of your post, I could so relate to what you said. I get so anxiety ridden when there are alot of people around. I was out last Sunday with a friend and I was out longer than I usually am. My heart started pounding, it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I could not breath very well at all. I was shaking also. All I wanted to do was come home, shut the door. I feel like I am shutting the world out. I did not ever think I would be like this. It scares me. Everything scares me now. Even though my son's killer killed himself afterwards I am still scared. I keep my front and my back light on all night. I do not know what is wrong with me. I need to speak with my counselor about this.
I have to take an anti=anxiety pill or I feel like I will pass out. I am sure some of you can relate.
How do you get through the pain, the horror of it all. I only feel comfortable in my home away from everybody. My memory is hot. I have short term memory problems anyway, and it is far worse now. For the rest of my life I will never understand why my son was killed that morning on Sept 15,2007. I am in nineteen weeks so far, and it feel like yesterday when I heard the news.
I will never see my son get married, have children, get the promotion he was supposed to have gotten in October.
For a while I did not even believe in God. How could God let this happen. Why didn't he jump in and help.
I refuse to believe that this act of horror was of God. The world today is very sad. Hardly anybody has any regard for human life.
Just thought I would vent a little. I had a real bad day today.
I want to say HELLO to everyone on this sire. My name is Dawn, and I lost my only son to murder on Sept 27, 2007.

Dawn
Gene's Mom

Cece · **Posted:** Fri Feb 01, 2008 10:40 pm

Dawn, I completely understand. You are welcome and safe here. Everyone of us has lost a child. Some have been murdered like yours. Some through others' carelessness some through accidents and some through illness or prematurity. It doesn't seem to matter how our child was taken from us. We all experience the unimaginable grief that we live with each day. You are very early in this process. That you can even leave the house is impressive to me. I lost my daughter on 7/19/07. My heart goes out to you. You can feel free to share as much of Gene's story as you can. God bless you.

Drross · **Posted:** Sat Feb 02, 2008 9:16 pm

Thank You So Much Cece. That was very nice that you responded to my post. Today is Saturday and the pain in my heart is unbearable. I feel so lost without my son. Little things like my paper shredder not working, he would have fixed. It is just those little things that can get me started. Something coming in mail with his name on it will really do it for me.

Dawn
Gene's Mom

Today I Feel..............

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