Three years ago, I lost both my mother and my stepfather. I was living with both of them because I'm disabled. And it was just the worst situation to ever be in to be left disabled and alone like that.
I'm in a safer, better place homewise now, but I'm no where near over their deaths. Everyone seems to think I should be over it, and I'm not. How do you get over losing your family? My mother and I were very close. She was my sister, my best friend, my work partner as we had home businesses together. She was everything to me. We went everywhere together.
And even though I never really got along with my stepfather for good reasons, he was still a family member and someone who would never have let me be left all alone.
My birthday is coming up this month and I'm already feeling how much I miss having my family. And I can feel Thanksgiving coming up again and it just makes me want to die. My best friend already said she will spend my birthday with me and Thanksgiving if I want. And it's wonderful of her, but you know, it's not the same as having your family. I miss my family.
So lately, I just want to cry every day basically. And it's so hard on me because I don't have anyone to help me anymore financially or physically. And certainly no one I would ever trust like you trust family.
I don't think I will ever get over the loss. Three years hasn't really made it all that much better for me. I try, I go through the motions. I do what I have to do in life to live. But I have this horrible feeling that I'm not really living at all. I'm just pretending to live. And no one around me understands the depth of my loss.
I've had old family friends make terrible comments to me, that I should be over it. I was even told this like three months after they died. People don't understand at all. I had relatives be nasty to me about it, too. Right after they died, my relatives told me to shut up and do what I had to do. It was horrible. They told me a few days after they died that I should have a garage sale and sell their stuff. No one understood the depth of the pain of losing someone that you are close to.
I don't know how much longer I can keep going on and trying to live. It's so hard. And when holidays come up or my birthday, I just feel it all over again. Like basically from October to January, I'm going to be down and depressed.
I didn't have anyplace else where I could say all this. But I'm sure there are people here who understand the level of grief and sorrow and emptiness, and how horrible it is.