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 Post subject: Missing my Mother
PostPosted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 7:46 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 02, 2009 7:17 pm
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I lost my precious Mother on April 15, 2007. Even tho she was 94 years old, she was very active and healthy. She had lived with me for 24 years, helped me raise my kids and two of my grandkids. She was so special to me, I would have done anything for her. She had some dementia about the last seven years of her life, but she knew us and was able to care for herself and help with chores. She just had no short term memory. We bought a board to hang on her wall and wrote down where everyone was so she didn't have to wonder. She was the pivotal person in our family. She was an example for all of us of what a Christian and parent should be. I was always a "mama's baby", never wanted to be far from her for any length of time. I loved her more than I can even explain. Even tho I knew she wouldn't live forever, I could never stand to think about it.
She had fallen on a Thursday, I was out of town helping my great grandbaby be born, and my husband and grandkids were with Mother. She was very sore, her back hurt all the time from an old injury, but she appeared to be okay. On Sunday afternoon I fixed her a piece of cake and some milk and we just messed around the house. I had an errand to run, so I wrote on her board where I would be and left. About 10 min after I left, my husband went by her room and teased her a bit and she joked back with him. He went outside, walked across the street and was talking with a neighbor. My granddaughter saw her fall to the floor from her bed and ran and got him. She was gone! I was on ambulance call that day, I am an EMT, and I got the call for my own house. By the time we got there, my husband was dong CPR and I started helping him, but it was obvious she was gone. They worked on her at the hospital, but could not bring her back. She had gone to wherever the soul goes to await judgement day. I didn't get to tell her I loved her one more time or hug her. I'm thankful that she went that easy without sufferering with a lot of pain, but I wanted to tell her goodbye. I miss her so much sometimes I just think I can't stand it. I hate having to go home every day, her room looks so lonely. Everything I do, everything I touch, she was part of. She got to know that she had a great great granddaughter, but never got to see her.
I regret daily every cross word I ever said to her. We never in our whole lives ever really a big argument, never held grudges. But I can't forgive myself for being short and impatient with her after her dementia set in. How do I forgive myself and how can I be truly happy again?


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 Post subject: Re: Missing my Mother
PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 12:23 am 
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Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2009 12:16 am
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Hi I lost my mom on Nov 30 2006 Dec 2 2006 was my 55 birthday. Haven't celabrated today since. I go through the motions for my family. My mom was the light in my holidays, her time each yr was spent getting ready for next Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am this year decorating in memory of my mom for the first time in three years we will have a fully decorated home inside and out.
Some days are easier than others but not a day goes by that I don't think of mom. I did say good bye but it made no difference, I still ask myself everyday if I had done something different would she still be here, would she have gone easier quicker??? The questions go on forever, I know things happen the way they happen and no I probably could not have changed a thing, but that does not stop me from thinking wondering...
Thank you for sharing
Jeannie


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 Post subject: Re: Missing my Mother
PostPosted: Sat Mar 06, 2010 11:11 pm 
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Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2010 11:02 pm
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I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YA'LL FEEL!! I LOST MY MOM A DAY AFTER HER 66BD ON SEPTEMEBER 23RD, 2008 FROM MALIGNANT MELANOMA!!!!! WHEN I FOUND OUT SHE HAD CANCER, IT CAME AS SUCH A SHOCK TO ME BECAUSE SHE WAS SO VIBRANT AND LOOKED SOOO HEALTHY!!!!! I WAS SOOOOOO DEVASTATED!!!! AND EVEN THOUGH IT HAS BEEN A LITTLE OVER 17 MONTHS SINCE I LOST HER, I AM SOOOOO LONELY WITHOUT HER!!!!! WE WERE SO CLOSE AND WHEN SHE DIED, A PART OF ME DIED WITH HER!!!!!!! THERE ISN'T A DAY GOES BY I DON'T THINK ABOUT HER, BUT I HAVE THE REASSURANCE TO KNOW SHE IS IN HEAVEN AND I WILL SHE HER AGAIN SOMEDAY!!!!!! THANKS FOR SHARING!!!!!!

ANGELA


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