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 Post subject: Heartbroken at the loss of my Dad
PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2009 2:46 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 1

I'm new to the forum but have been reading some of your posts and it really feels to me like people here might understand how I feel at the moment.

My gorgeous Dad died 10 weeks and 1 day ago aged 60. It was starting out as any normal Thursday. He had breakfast with my Mam and went upstairs to get read for work. He took a shower, washed and dried his hair, shaved, brushed his teeth and got dressed. He must have felt unwell and sat on the edge of what was his side of the bed. My Mam was wondering what was delaying him and when she went upstairs she found him laid back on the bed with his feet still on the floor. She said afterwards she knew immediately that he had died.

I was home in my own house, and she called me there. She was wailing on the phone and I really couldn't make sense of what she was saying to me but I did manage to find out that he wasn't speaking and my very first thought was "I think Dad's had a heart attack" (the official cause of death was a massive heart attack caused by coronary artery disease). I frantically ran around the house, not knowing what to do. I called my best friend and told her my Dad was sick. When I eventually calmed down, I called their house again and the paramedic answered. She didn't want to tell me what was going on - she just kept telling me to get over to the house. I remember wondering why she wanted me to come to the house - surely they were going to take him to the hospital to take care of him and I would just follow there. I asked her if he had died, really not expecting her to say yes, to which she just replied "I'm so sorry".

I can remember everything that happened on that day and for the next days leading up to his funeral. We were determined to make sure that we gave him the best send-off possible, and in my heart, I feel like he did. But like I'm sure everyone has experienced in one way or another, it got so much harder when the funeral was over and people literally seemed to disappear. Slowly but surely the people that matter have come back into our lives, but while they have been fantastic, nothing is ever going to make losing my Dad any easier.

I am 32 years old and I can honestly say that in all the time I have been on this earth, I have never met anyone like my Dad, and I can already know that I never will. He was funny, caring, loving, patient, kind and all the other amazing words that there are to describe someone that you would adore as soon as you met him. He was my idol and my best friend and I feel like a part of me has died with him. Although I am trying to focus on the positives - the amazing person that he was and the wonderful memories that he left me - I can't help thinking of all the things I'm going to miss out on. He will never walk me down the aisle. He will never see his grandchildren. He and my Mam had only just moved house (7 months previously) to begin to take things easier and focus on the good things in life. I feel cheated for him and for us. I would give everything I possess to have him back. Actually, I would give anything just to have an hour with him and a hug (he gave the best hugs ever - the kind that instinctively made you know that whatever the situation, everything was going to be okay).

I talk to him every day. I talk to the Angels every day and ask them to take care of him, and of me, my Mam and my 2 brothers. I have never really been religious, but I'm realising that I'm a lot more spiritual than I would have thought. I HAVE to believe that there's a better life for him after this one and that I will see him again.

I guess the main reason for writing this is that I just needed to get it out. As I said at his funeral, I'm not going to say that I loved him in the past tense, because I will always love him and he will be in my thoughts every single day for the rest of my life. I feel to a degree that I'm taking one step forwards and two steps back. And I have this horrible sense of knowing that nothing will ever be the same again.

Thank you for reading. And of course any advice that you may have regarding this process that I am going through, and will continue to go through for the rest of my life, is very much appreciated in advance.

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 Post subject: Re: Heartbroken at the loss of my Dad
PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2009 3:29 pm 

Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 4:24 pm
Posts: 350
Location: Portland,Oregon
I am so sorry for your loss. What you wrote really rezonated with me. My dad has been gone 20 years now and I remember feeling exactly the same way. Then my daughter was killed about 1 1/2 years ago and all of those feelings came back a hundred fold. You are on the right track. Continue to take care of yourself and your mother. Know that in the future when you get married and have children your dad will be with you. At times you will even feel his presence. All the best. Lucy

Lucy Carter

In loving memory of, Laura Dawn 2/26/68-7/19/07, my first born child, my daughter, my friend.
In loving memory of, Myron H. (Ozzie) Osborne 8/22/22-3/29/89, My dad, my teacher, my hero.

Megan, Heather, Andrew,( Laura ), Mary, Jim, Russell

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 Post subject: Re: Heartbroken at the loss of my Dad
PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2009 2:41 am 

Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 3:44 am
Posts: 26
Evian, I m very sorry for heard about your dad. A serious pain getting over you and its really tough time for you. I understand your feelings. Every child needs their father and life without parents is like a curse.
We have many hope from our parents, all hopes crashed when they passed away. I lost my grandfather and uncle. Both were sudden death and heartbreaking.
I pray to God for relief your pain and my condolences for you.

condolence message

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 Post subject: Re: Heartbroken at the loss of my Dad
PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 8:16 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2009 7:56 pm
Posts: 3
I would like to say how heart felt your letter was I am sitting here crying like a town bull...My Dad pasted away on the 19th March 2009.. it was very sudden -in his sleep he looked so peaceful, and much of your letter sounded so much like me, it was just like i had written it, i will never get over his death nor understand it,...My children were cherished by my father and my sons idolised there daughter was only 8 months when dad passed away...

My Dad had a turn whilst mowing his lawns in January and was taken by ambulance to the Emergency department, whilst in hospital they picked up Dad had Venticular Arythmia, he was to have his arteries burntt and heart shocked in May by a cardiologist...

Dad had 6 weeks from the time he found out what he had to the time he died, I too feel like I have been robbed of my idol best friend and no 1 companion...

Dad was being misdiagnosed by his doctor for 9 years, he was being treated for acute asthma and anxiety, as the symptons are the same as the diesease he had...I look back now on all the restless nights he sat on the edge of the bed, unable to breathe and puting all his chest pains down to the asthma, him sleeping all the time, sweating ....His doctor should have picked this up, I know hate is astrong word but I will that that doctor and curse him until the day I die, "If" dad had been diagnosed years before he would have had a pacemaker inserted he would still be here ...there are so many if onlys... :cry:

The irony is that once Dad had his arteries burnt ( shocked) - that the Cardiologist told him he would never have a problem with his heart ever again...too little too late his appointment was roughly 7 weeks after he passed away...

Thnak you for sharing your story..

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 Post subject: Re: Heartbroken at the loss of my Dad
PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:59 am 
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Joined: Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:02 am
Posts: 3
I really appreciate your posting. It's true what you said about people disappearing. My mom passed away only about 10 weeks ago... In the beginning, I wasn't alone... The phone calls wouldn't stop and the out pour of support kept me going. Then within a weeks time, everyone disappeared, no one seemed to care, and only one good friend of mine cares enough to ask if I'm ok. It's not that I want everyone to rush to my aid and give me their undivided attention but I want them to understand why I might be acting different or that I am still grieving... Most friends have disappeared to the point where I'd no longer consider them friends. It's quite strange and saddening. However, I have vowed to stick by any friend who needs me and though I might not understand them, a honest and real friendship might be just what they need.

I hope you are doing better... I am so very sorry for your loss but I am praying for you and hoping that you are doing good.

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