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 Post subject: I watched my dad take his last breath
PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 5:46 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2010 5:38 am
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...now it haunts me.

I can't help but think about how scary it was for him. He was on morophine in hospice, but he was awake when it happened. It wasn't very peaceful. It was quite horrible to watch. Now I can't get the images out of my mind. It was awful. Please help, this is my first post here.


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 Post subject: Re: I watched my dad take his last breath
PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 4:37 pm 
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Dear Missy,
I recently have been through the same thing and I too was haunted by the whole experience. I spoke to a holistic practictioner this week and explained, while bawling my eyes out, the same situation. She works in a hospital with terminal patients and I trust her.
She said something that comforted me and I hope you too . That's why i felt compelled to respond.
People who are going through the experience of dying are not as tied to the physical world as we are. The fight to breathe is more instinctful than we realise. She said that my dad was probably on another level of consciousness getting ready for his journey and that for us the experience was probably harder ,than for him. While we were concerned with everything that was happening to him physically he was only feeling the love we were sending him.
I know this all sounds like whacky hippy stuff but I think if you really think about any of the times when you were sick how little you remember afterwards of what was really going on but you do remember someone stroking your head or the soothing voice .
This is the first time I have ever written in a forum. I hope I haven't upset you, or made you feel worse.
All we can do is get up every day and take it minute by minute.
Best wishes.


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 Post subject: Re: I watched my dad take his last breath
PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 2:44 am 
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Sarok,
First of all I do not consider your reply hippie at all. I believe so many things that fall in line with exactly what you are saying. Part of what really bothered me is that a lot of people kept saying my dad would go into a coma then he would slip away slowly and peacefully. Well that was about the furthest thing from the truth.
I got him back to the Hospice center for the third time in about a month. This time I was going to have to face the fact that he had to go to a nursing home. I couldn't care for him by myself anymore. He was getting pretty bad with his respirations. The nurse that came said dad was at the end of this physically and sometimes when they are so anxious, they can't move into the final stage. So he was shaking pretty bad and we gave him 30 mg liquid morophine before the ambulance came to take him to hospice. I went home to pick up clothes because i figured i would spend the night with him a few nights. Well, I got the the Hospice center and it probably wasn't an hour til he said he had to use the restroom. He tried to get up and I made him wait for the nurse. Well the nurse told him to slip his oxygen off to go to the restroom. So, while he was going, he told her he was smothering. She said hurry and we'll get you back to the oxygen. well, he fell into the bed when he turned around to sit. He was across the bed smothering really bad, couldn't get any oxygen...i was holding his head from behind begging him to relax dad and breathe through your nose dad. we got him turned right in the bed, then another nurse came in and started helping. I saw his face, lips, hands and all go white in a heartbeat's time, then as he was gasping for air, his otherwise round and plump face started to shrink inward as if a vaccuum was sucking his air out of his face from the inside. It was like watching a horror movie. Then the nurses said honey hes probably passing away right now, ok...i started holding his face and told him he was my hero and my angel and I loved him. Then he was gasping, but he manged to say he loved me too even though it was broken up while taking his last breaths. I just don't know how I can ever get over it. He was awake and everything. I know he was scared too. What can i ever do to heal from this?? my heart is so broken over this. my mom wasn't able to be there which bothers me and her as well. I am the only child. I need serious therapy I think. Thanks for listening to me vent. Please feel free to share your story if you are comfortable.
Missy
http://floyd-fox.last-memories.com/index.php?logout=1

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