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 Post subject: Lost My Best Friends This Year My Dad, Poster On Suicide For
PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 4:33 pm 
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Hi all and thanks for reading. My name is Donna I am 26 and new to this forum. I lost my dad back in March 22,2010 to suicide. He hung himself in our family garage. My mom found him, and older brother seen him too and took care of everything with the police and funeral and such, my mom was a wreck. This wasn't the 1st suicide I have had. There were 2 prior on my mom's family. My aunt Donna back in 1975 jumped off a bridge, and my aunt Debbie did the same in 2001 morning of twin towers. She didn't know about them though, and she was not found until the 15th. So they say her death was the 15th. They both left young children behind. My aunt Donna left two son's they were between 7 and 10 maybe and my aunt Debbie just one son who was very sick at the time. He was 1, he is severely autistic and has short gut syndrome, eats by feeding tube, doesn't talk but uses magnetic letters or his computer to talk and is very smart. He is in a way better place then anyone ever thought he would be. Losing my aunt was hard because a week prior I lost my Grandma by natural causes. She was the 1st death I was old enough to understand experience and feel. Then a week later I had to deal with a death by suicide. The night my aunt did it my dad and her were out to have drinks. My dad losing his mom he wanted to get out for a drink. I guess from what my dad told me they did other street recreational thing's prior to hitting up for a drink. While at the bar my aunt got into an argument and took off. My dad thinking she was probably just heading off to cool off and home, he staid to finish his drink and grabbed a ride home from someone else. When he got home she was not there. She never came home that night and no one could not find her. I was at a friends house that night so I woke at her house to see the towers on T.V and minutes later a call from home saying my brother was getting me and I needed to be home right away. Well prior to going home my friends step dad he worked by t he bridge and heard stories that someone jumped,he put 2 and 2 together in case and he called his wife who informed my friend who I then begged to tell me and she did and I lost it. I slowly got over it. My aunt did leave a letter which means she planned it. The letter wasn't found until we knew she was missing and the searched her room. My dad from 2001 to 2010 blamed himself for not chasing her. Along with that he had other issues going on. Depression, loss of a job of over 15 years, not finding work, feeling like he wasn't providing. I think my dad got to a place where he just had enough. He tried things in the past such as the 8th floor, AAA, therapy, med's and nothing worked. He was to lost and to into drinking it didn't help any. I love my dad very much and have learned a lot from him like things or ways not to be, but I am so mad at him for what he did. I know he was lost but he hurt so many. I feel like he knew my brother was happily married with a baby on the way, and I was safe with my little girl and her dad, he felt like everyone was ok and would be ok with him gone. We aren't though. We miss him dearly. Especially me. I have always felt close to him, I was in therapy prior to his death and still am but am to a point where I want off med's I think they are making me worse. I lose it ball my eyes out for hours at a time it's a bit crazy to deal with. My dad's passing caused a chain of pain. His youngest brother committed suicide by staying in a started truck in his garage with all the doors closed up. His son found him. One of my dad's best friend also attempted suicide by shooting in his stomach but did not succeed thankfully. He is now dealing with the guilt and sadness of hurting the ones he loves and actually having to deal with it face to face every day. It's been just over 7 months since my dad died. I thought I was getting better, but lately I don't know I am a big ball of tears. Maybe it's the holiday's coming up. Any ways thanks for reading my story sorry if I went on and on a bit. I really do wish there was never such a thing as suicide. It just sucks!

_________________
~Donna

"Dad your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with
me forever." "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. ~ Buddha" "I keep asking Was there anything I could have Said or done" " The Native American's say when 1 takes there own life we must respect there wish, accept it and let them rest in peace."


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 Post subject: Re: Lost My Best Friends This Year My Dad, Poster On Suicide
PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 3:21 pm 
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Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2010 3:04 pm
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My dad was in the same boat kind of. He died in jail but not by suicide. He died of pneumonia. Your dad was very sad and felt alone it seems but that is not your fault. My dad was in and out of jail my whole life but I never let that get in the way of our relationship because at the end of the day he was still my father. Its sad he let drug use take over his life but everyone still loved him reguardless you know? I still cry almost 4 days a week thinking of him and its almost been 3 yrs. what is his name so I can lite a candle for him? Just keep raising your child to live a different life and keep his memory alive. Today is my dads bday and he wouldve been 58. so in honor of him, I am having a dinner for him and will continue for years. I will tell his grandchildren (like my newest nephew) tons of great stories about my dad to keep his memories alive. I would wait till your child is fully grown and happy to really let her/him know what really happened to grandpa since suicide runs in your family so when life isnt easy for her that she doesnt think suicide is the easy way out. Happy Holidays and my prayers are with you!


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