I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. My sister Jamie Marie Vincent,Dec.14,1975-Nov.9,2008, died very suddenly. We really aren't sure what happened. She had cerebral palsy.She never walked or talked. She was also blind,she was completely dependant on us for her every need. I am 37 and was only 4 when she was born,I am who I am because of her. It's difficult to know who you are when you care for someone for so long and they are no longer there. You don't feel "normal". You feel empty,sad,frustated,glad,mad,and the list goes on. I miss her so much,but I don't miss seeing what she went through. She was in pain alot and I often wonder if our fighting to keep her alive all these years was fair to her. What would her choices have been? We had fought many battles together,stayed up many long nights,begging God to heal her. He did heal her,only in a way that we as humans have a difficult time excepting. I know what it's like to care for someone day after day,night after night. Wanting them to never die,but worried every minute of everyday that they will. She was our families"constant",always there for us;knowing how much we needed her. She gave us her all even though she couldn't do anything for herself she did much for us. Just being who she was all that was needed and now we are lost. I know what you are going through. Take your time,minute by minute,day by day. It takes A LONG time,give yourself the time that you need. You're on no one elses schedule,take this time for YOU. You've given of yourself all these years,now take this time for yourself,to heal,to grow,to breath without worry,to dream without fear,to stop and smell the roses. Now is your time to live like your sisters and son would have wanted you to. Get a journal and write down how you are feeling,it really helps. Remember the Lord is there and this is a journey for you to take at your on pace,don't rush. Healing takes time. On day at a time,on breath at a time. Cry when you need to,laugh when you need to,scream when you need to,and even get mad when you need to. And I believe that for both of us, one day we will hurt a little less,but we will never be who we were before they died. We are forever changed. But in their memory we'll be better for having had them in our lives. Hope this helps,God Bless, Angel Jamie Marie Vincent(1975-2008) Big Sister Forever
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