Hi, my psychiatrist today told me that I could look for a forum like this, to share my pain with someone who can truly understand me.
It's easier for me doing it behind my pc ...
I lost my boyfriend 4 years ago, in a motorcycle accident.
He was 23, I was 22.
We have been toghether for 3 years and we lived toghether we just changed home, everything was going well, after years of fightinghs and problems due to our personalities and our family problems we were growing up toghether and we loved each other a lot.
It wasn't the perfect relationship, we're not perfect, but I still love him as the first time I realized I was crazy in love with him.
These years have been like HELL for me, I've been seriously waiting for him to come back home for two years and I think I'm still waiting, I felt guilty, I tried to understand WHY it happened, even if I don't believe in God, I tried to find a reason even thinking about religion.
I had another partner after 3 years... since then I thought I wanted him to be my last partner, my last LOVE.
It often happend I kissed the other boy thinking about my dead boyfriend Marco, wondering that he was with me, and the pain was even worst. Once ore twice I woke up during the night with this guy calling him Marco.
I'm not ready for a relationship but this is not what I'm scared about, because I'm 27 now and I'm young I know I'll have the chance to have a family one day.
I'm scared about all this pain, I miss him too much, I miss his little attentions and even if we would break up, I woul like to know he's alive, and he's fine and he can do whatever he wants with or without me, it doesn't matter.
Each time something happens to me, an important event like the birth of my second nephew or a stupid thing, a funny thing, a sad thing, something that makes me feel angry or frustrated my pain grows because I can't share anything with him anymore and I find myself talking alone in my bedroom because I have noone that understand me and my pain, my love, my real problem.... his loss.
Now it is a time of changing for me, I found a job after one year and of course I miss him even more, I miss those little things he did that made me understand he loved me and that he was always nex to me.
Good night everybody ... sorry if I made any mistakes