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 Post subject: Question about going back to counseling.
PostPosted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 11:31 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 23, 2007 10:23 am
Posts: 483
Location: North Carolina
My name is Lynda. I frequent the loss of a child forum, but felt the need to post here. I lost my forever 10 year old son in a sudden accident while we were on vacation 2 years ago on August 13, 2005. Both of his younger siblings were there as well as Garion's grandparents, great-grandparents, his daddy, and I. My husband, children, and I went to counseling regularly for family counseling, individual counseling, and my husband and I also did couple counseling so we can relearn how to be husband and wife after being so traumatized, for the first year. We had a difficult time finding a Christian counselor that has also had 1st hand experience of what we were going through. We ended up finding a wonderful man who lost his wife suddenly. He helped us all so much. He has since moved and another person has taken over his practice. I feel like I may need to go back to counseling, but I dread starting over with another counselor. I feel like we made so much progress with our old counselor and he knew our story so we didn't have to keep repeating it. Please pray for me as I try and make this very important but yet necessary decision for myself and my family. I am currently being seen by a Psychiatrist, but he only specializes in medicine and not counseling.
Is there anyone else out there that went to counseling for a while, stopped, and then had to go back? Did it help you further having gone back after such a "break"?
Hugs,
Lynda

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 10:43 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2007 2:36 am
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Location: Beaverton, Oregon
Lynda,

This won't be much help because I have not been to counseling for a death, but a series of things in the last 10 years. I did see a counselor for almost a year straight but due to personal issues I stopped seeing her. I have since gone back to new ones, and either to change in health insurance or because of moving I have had to stop and find a new one. Telling your story over and over makes it hard to go back. Just when one would get to know me I'd have to stop and find someone else.

Just last summer I saw my last one. I hadn't been to one in almost three years. Having to relive and tell my stories over again hurt more than anything. I wish I hadn't gone back. She would dig and dig and bring up things I've put away and never wanted to talk about again. Then just sit there and stare at me while I cried my eyes out. It was a wasted 1 hour a week. It was probably just her. It is VERY difficult to find the right ONE for your needs. This last experience has made me reluctant to ever want to go back.

But I am also one person. Your family as a group may need it more than anything. To be honest just logging on to the forum and spilling my thoughts has helped more than most counselors I've seen.

I would say if you can search and find the right one it wouldn't be a bad thing to continue. Don't settle for someone who is taking someones place if they don't feel RIGHT to you.

Let me know how it goes. (((hugs)))

Love,
Drea

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 11:46 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 23, 2007 10:23 am
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Location: North Carolina
Dear Drea,
Thank you for responding to my post and for sharing yourself with me. I know this can be a "touchy" subject and not one many people talk about. I guess what has kept me from going back is exactly what you had experienced, having to retell my story all over again.
Thank you again, and this is something I will continue to pray about. I will let you know how things go, if we do decide to go back.
Hugs,
Lynda

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Garion, I love you!
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:21 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 27, 2007 2:28 am
Posts: 78
Location: Florida, USA
Hi Sweet Lynda,

It's Jo Ann, Krystal's Mom. I still am in counseling. The most important thing is to find the right "fit" for you and your family. I started counseling about a month after Krystal died. I was lucky and got a good counselor. Then 4 months later we moved. I knew I need to continue counseling -m y grief was too much to lay o my husband, children, friends. Sure they could bear part of it - but it was way to overpowering to lay on any one person's shoulders. So I started looking for a counselor. You know, which ones does my insurance cover? Asking questions of the receptionists. The first woman I went to was definitely not a fit. She basically told me that she would be giving me "homework" and if I did it she could "cure" me of my grief. I was stunned? Cure me? I could hardly breath -- how could someone cure me. I went home and even in my vulnerable state my gut told me that this woman was not a "fit" for me. I continued searching and found the counselor I now go to. I go to counseling to help me "cope". People think i should stop counseling....you know the old YOU SHOULD BE DOING BETTER BY NOW AND NOT NEED TO SEE A COUNSELOR BY NOW!!!

I know she can not cure me of my grief, or bring Krystal back. But I can go to her once a week and talk as much as I want about how I am REALLY feeling. Seeing her and just knowing I am going to see her is like a pressure valve for me.

I love you,

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 3:53 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 23, 2007 10:23 am
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Location: North Carolina
Dear Jo Ann,
Thank you for responding. Releasing that valve is exactly why I NEED to go back to a counselor. But is it worth starting all over for? I guess that is the question I have to ask myself. I can not believe a counselor told you she can "cure" you, as if grief is a disease? I am relieved you ran fast from her and didn't look back. There is absolutely nothing anyone can do to take away this pain. I also just need someone to help me "cope". Love ya!
Hugs,
Lynda

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Some only dream of Angels. I held one in my arms.
Garion, I love you!
Mommy
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