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On May 24th my father, James Beatty after a long illness died of a blood clot. Funny nothing that he was actually dying of is what he died of. It was a cold and rainy day, I remember that much. I had gotten word at work he was rushed to the ER and I was on my way there when it started to rain and it just popped into my mind "my daddy just died" and he had. Dad had suffered these past few years with CHF and the doctor had told us just the week before it was getting close, but even being prepared is not enough for when it happens. Dad was one of those old fashioned men he worked all day everyday, he even worked after the doctor told him to stop. He would have still been working when he passed except he had fallen and broken his leg a couple of months earlier. Dad would have done anything for his family. But he was tired and it was time for his rest and he deserved it. Thank-You Daddy for everything, I Love You and Miss You.
On July 1st my fiance, Joey Tysse joined my daddy. He had been ill all week with a "cold" but I felt it was pneumonia and he went to the doctor's that Friday. The doctor said it was just a summer cold. Less than 36 hours he was laying in my arms dying. I met Joey on the Internet four years earlier, it was true love at first site. We completed each other. If you have ever heard the song "I Love You" by The Climax Blues Band (if you haven't you need to it is a wonderful song) that was me and Joey word for word. But here I was giving the love of my life CPR waiting for the ambulance to arrive, not planning the wedding we were going to have soon. When I overheard the EMTs saying "we did not get here in time" my life stopped. My heart broke into peices.
To make matters worse they took him to the room just a month before I had to view my father in. Later that day it started to rain, it felt like Heaven was crying with me. I was and still a zombie most of the time. Papi Bear you was in my life for only a few years, but we loved a lifetime. I know you are just waiting for when it is my time to join you and I am doing my best to make you proud of me and what I do here until then. I Love You and I Miss You So Much the nights are a million hours long.
On July 11th I lost my last Grandparent, W.C. Snodgrass. He had lived a long and full life and it was just his time. I wish I could have mourned him more properly, but at that time I was so full of grief from loosing Joey ten days earlier. I just wanted to say that for him being a step-grandparent, he loved me like I was of his own blood and he will be missed. I Love You Papa Bill, I know you are with everyone else now and being happy.
As too me, I see a counselor every week and go to group once a month. I can get by most days only crying a little. I am on a time schedule, so I will make sure that I do the simple things in life such as eat, drink, take a bath and it works for me I guess. I can not watch certain TV shows, can not go to the movies, eat certain foods, even listen to the radio; everything seems to have memory attached to it and I am not healed enough to accept them. The only thing that keeps me going is my Faith, if it was not for that then I would have nothing. I believe that everything is as God plans, I just have to wait and see what happens next.
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