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 Post subject: Lost my littel brother and big sister in less than 1 mo
PostPosted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 12:35 am 
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I am still trying to deal with the sorrow of losing both my little borther and big sister. My little brother was 43 and had heart issues but we never expected it to take his life so soon. He was in CICU in Panama City Beach for three weeks before he died. He was shocked back to life over 200 times successfully but we wondered what kind of damage that was doing to his already weak heart. Watching him suffer for weeks, being shocked so many times, took a toll on me and my little sister. He woke up twice while I was there, spoke to us, told us his bad dreams of being dead and getting buried...so sad. Also joked with us before going back into cardiac arrest. Brad died on December 20th, 2008. While we were in the hospital with him, our older sister was fighting for her life in Massachusettes. She had survived breast cancer (or so we thought) only to come home with ALL (acute lymphophic leukemia). We made the drive to Massachusettes in time to spend her last few days. She died on January 18th, 2009 (exactly 6 years from our mothers death). She was 10 days shy of her 54th birthday. I have had so much trouble dealing with their deaths...I was the middle child, right in between them both. We were so close, best friends! How does one move on? I still cry all the time...any suggestions? No time for group therapies or one on one, I work two jobs as it is now. I think that is how I survive, stay busy all the time. Living sad in Florida, carol


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 Post subject: Re: Lost my littel brother and big sister in less than 1 mo
PostPosted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:59 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:40 pm
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You haven't lost them, they simply moved on ahead of you where they won't suffer anymore.

I lost my mom and then dad later. I read a self-help book because the grief was so overwhelming but didn't bother to try the advice it had. The book was an older copy of "Making Peace with your Parents". Although our situations are significantly different, I can tell you the advice to talk out loud to them helped me a lot.
Of course I did this when no one was around to make me self-conscience or feel weird. I expressed how sad and angry I was that each left me when I needed them most. I was able to get a lot off my chest about regrets and wish I hads etc. I still do it once in a while. After the first time, which made me cry so hard, I started to feel better inside.

You should give it a try. Grief lasts for a few months up to years (I'm on year five) so you might as well accept it and begin healing. It scares us into seeing our own mortality and a lot of emotions and feelings will come out as you progress through the loss. The important thing to remember is that you have to keep progressing towards acceptance of the loss and always keep in mind that they are closer than you think. See a doctor for depression if you have it and go to grief counseling. Time will heal all wounds but understand it is different for each person. The fact that you are here says that you are ready to take the steps to recovery.

Best wishes, I'm sorry for your loss. Mike


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 Post subject: Re: Lost my littel brother and big sister in less than 1 mo
PostPosted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 8:23 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2010 12:20 am
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Thanks for the great advice Mike. I do talk to my lost ones while in my car mostly. I lost my mom in 2003, dad in 2005, brother in 2008 and sister in 2009 along with aunts, uncles, nephew, grandmothers and best friends. Needless to say I' ve seen too much grief. But you are right, I have to be strong and hang in there as there are still people here that need me and I need them. I use to go to garage sales with my mom every Saturday and it's still hard to go alone, but I do sometimes and it's then that I talk to her the most. I just can't believe so many of my loved ones are gone already, but then again, I am getting older myself and it's bound to happen to us all eventually. I'm blessed to still have two brothers and two sisters and I spent good quality time with my brother and sister I lost already. I have great memories of them and am trying to make more fun memories with my little sister now. Life does go on for the living and I'm glad to say I am still here. The loss I feel in my heart is tremendous at times and I still cry a lot but I'll be OK. I wish I had time for grief counseling but working two jobs I have trouble finding time. My significent other is great but not compassionate and understanding so I can't talk to him or cry on his shoulder. I used my best friend for that for 34 years and now she is gone too. Looks like it's time to find a new best friend:) So thanks for your advice and for reading this;) I hope things are going well for you, it's so hard losing our parents isn't it? Losing anyone close is hard..take care!! carol


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 Post subject: Re: Lost my littel brother and big sister in less than 1 mo
PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 2:23 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2010 12:54 pm
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Hi Carol,

After visiting several websites your story seems to be the one I can relate to most. I lost my entire immediate family in less than three years. My father died in August 2002, mother in March of 2006 and brother 2 1/2 months later in June 2006. I was 30 years old at the time and my daughter was not quite one (she was born in August of 2005). All of the deaths were sudden and unexpected. My family is from Michigan and I live in Minnesota so I was back and forth planning funerals. I could have been a funeral director by the time I was done! My husband has never lost anyone close to him so it is very difficult still to try to talk to him. I finally joined a grief group this fall at church that meets once a week and that has been more healing than any therapist or medication. Although everyone's loss is different in its own unique way, the group shares the understanding of loss. You can find these groups easily through churches. This group and my two daughters are what get me out of bed every morning! I hope this helps. I too have a crazy schedule but finding a way to take two hours of the week to yourself is well worth it!!

God bless you,

Denise


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