I am so sorry you are going thru this but there is a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. My sister died Nov. 27, 2004,which is my Mom's birthday. In the beginning, what I call the haze, it is just to hard to deal with the fact that she took her own life. Then I had to deal with the views society has put on us when someone dies by suicide. It is a hard road being left to deal with but you and your family can make it thru.When I say thru, I mean the haze. You never get over it.
Here is my sister's site
http://d-carles-guillot.last-memories.com/ feel free to check it out. Working on this website is my own form of therapy.
I suggest to you and anyone who has lost a loved one from suicide to get on google and find a local suicide support group. For me to walk in a room just knowing there were others who could relate was a huge comfort. No one knows how you truly feel but others who have lived it.
In the beginning I also read books, there are lots out there about suicide. I think what I needed to know was that the confusion and emotions I was feeling was normal. And I found out from reading and the support group, for once I was normal
And a bit of preaching, don't let anyone make you feel like your loved one is condemned to hell cause although some religion states that, the bible states differently.
I could keep on but will end this with a blessing of peace sent to you and your family.
Contact me if you need to,
Tina