Drea, and everyone -
(Btw here is the link to my brother's page, I am still working on it but here it is if you'd like to see it and him
http://frank-rambone.last-memories.com/index.php
Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers... I must say, it's so hard on me and for me. So many demands I have had placed on me.....in terms of taking care of things here at home, keep an eye on my Mother who would just love to go next door and demand from them what and why did they and I'll put it into her words "what was given to him and why? You people (our relatives) killed my son! (her son/my brother)......she has every right as I do to know but we would never go over there. I/We wrote them off and the police ......even more so then the police GOD will take care of them, and GOD knows what happened to my brother. He is the ultimate judge. I do have faith in Him and as I said, I do know Frank is with my Dad so that's how I keep myself in check.... My Mother and her uncontrollable crying is so awful to have to see her go through. All day when she is at work, I have "ME" time - that's when I do my thinking, grieving etc (when the urge comes) I like to do it in private as you can understand.......but when my Mom comes home from work.....I have to relive it all over again because when she gets home its when she does her grieving.
She puts a lot of responsibility on me, sometimes its as if I don't do enough, (and trust me.....cuttng an acre of grass with a push mower, climbing ladders to trim 1/2 acre of hedges, cleaning the house, laundry, shopping, making dinner, keep on top of our bills, go to my own job 40 hrs per week....and somewhere in between all that I find time for myself. Long story short, she's my Mother, I do love her so much, but she expects me to be my brother in a sense of course as far as doing the things such as the yardwork etc... her and him a great bond as most Mothers do with their sons,.....I was closer to my Dad then with my Mom, it doesn't mean I love her any less of course not but we just never had a real close bond........so when she gets all worked up and upset, she yells at me, puts so many demands on me, even puts me down, what I do is never good enough.......she keeps telling me "you don't know what it's like to lose a son or child, you have no children" she's right, I don't and I don't know what she is going thru AS A MOTHER...but my comeback is to her: "Well you don't know what its like to lose a brother and be the one to find him dead as well!" So, we bicker some, its just frustration built up all due from this senseless death of his.....normally when someone dies, families bond together Aunts, Uncles, cousins etc - but in this case we had to sever all ties of course and will never be a family again, and I know I will NEVER speak to any of them ever again. Needless to say, your reply Drea and taking the time to do so, means so much to me....thank you. Your in my thoughts and prayers too!