I understand kind of what you are feeling. This past summer in 49 days I lost all the male members of my family. On May 24th my father passed away from a blood clot. I was a Daddy's girl so my world shut down alot but I had my loving fiance to help me find my way back. Then on the morning of July 1st just when I was starting to feel like my life could go on I woke up to a thump in the night I turned on the light and my Joey was on the floor. I tried to do CPR but it did not work he died in my arms. My world stopped at that moment. When just ten days later my Grandfather passed away I was cold, numb, and just did not seem to care. I feel so bad now thinking back that I did not do right by him but I just could not at that time. Each day is cold, empty, life has no meaning or reason. I just function. I have to keep myself on a time schedule for every thing to the point of even taking baths, eating, drinking, or I will not do them. All I do is cry. I am so lonely even in a room of friends. I can not watch TV, go to movies, listen to music, eat certain foods, everything is a reminder of what I have lost. My "best" days are when it is gloomy outside, I guess because it looks like I feel. I just wanted you to know you were not alone in your feelings.
|