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 Post subject: My Mom's Story
PostPosted: Mon Feb 14, 2011 12:37 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 13, 2011 9:59 pm
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My grandpa was the coolest dad & grandpa in the world. After fighting in WWII...he put himself through school to be an airplane mechanic. He got a great job & would've retired from the place had he lived long enough. They had 1-3 kids before he ever went off to WWII. After he got back, they had 9 total but lost one baby boy. He put the other 8 through private school 'til high school.

He didn't work all day & come home to nap or sit in front of the TV. At least a couple of his sons were into sports & he was their coach.

My granny on the other hand was likely mentally ill. But her dad basically molested her mom & got her pregnant...they were forced into marriage. Her dad hated her mom & every kid they had. I don't know if he beat his wife but he beat the hell out of their kids. Some grew up to be criminals & died untimely deaths.

My granny was the oldest born to a 15 year old mom. So she was more-so raised by her Irish Catholic maternal grandparents. She only went home to clean & help out with her sibs. When my granny was about 17 her clothing caught fire. My grandpa put the fire out & saved her life but still the fire got her legs pretty good. She was in the hospital for a month & her family never once came to see her. So when she got out my grandpa married her so she wouldn't have to go home to her family. A few months later my mom was born. I just can't remember if they had the twins before or after he fought in WWII.

My mom said she was always responsible for her sibs but after she hit puberty she was simply a servant & a prisoner in her own home. So she hooked up with the first guy who said a kind word...but she got pregnant. And although I don't think he committed a crime he was with someone who did & suffered more-so then the actual criminal. He couldn't have married her & been a dad if he wanted to as he had to go to prison.

But he would get out eventually. When he did he married, had a child & forgot all about his son. I called him one day & reminded him. He told me the standard "never knew if the kid was mine". And even though he's divorced & don't have to explain squat to a wife & my bro's grown with kids & even grandkids of his own...he felt it too late to get to know him now. I think everybody on this planet is entitled to know their history...especially medical history. But what can you do?

My granny & mom were pregnant at the same time twice. The first time my granny lost her son whereas my mom had hers. For a short while my granny tried to put her grandchild in her dead child's slot...but my mom reminded her he was her grandchild. The second time my granny had a girl & about a month later my 2nd oldest 1/2 brother was born. So my oldest 1/2 brother is older then our aunt.

My 2nd oldest 1/2 brother's dad actually married our mom. She realized he was a dead beat after she got pregnant with his kid. He wouldn't work...she was working to support him. When she was pregnant she got sick, swelled up & couldn't work. She had to sell their furniture to pay bills & buy food. Due to the swelling she had to take off her wedding ring. He pawned it. And not to buy food...so he could get a haircut & a shave. She told him to get her ring back & leave. He came back long enough to pick up his stuff off the porch. When my bro was born he came to the hospital & saw him once. Then he hid out to avoid paying child support.

Neither one of my older brothers got to know their fathers or the other sides of their family. My mom was one of the original working moms...whether she was married or not. And since she was the oldest & not very old herself she had to dump them on strangers. The oldest still has nightmares about it.

The next oldest almost died because of it. His babysitter wasn't paying attention so he pulled a pot of boiling beans over onto himself. She left the shirt & the beans on him. And she did the worst thing you can do...put Vaseline on it. If our older brother hadn't thrown him in a tub of water he would've died. Instead he was in the hospital for a month. If there was such a thing as DHS they didn't help my mom.

At least one of my mom's 3 sisters resent her because life supposedly got even worse for them after my mom "pulled her stunt". The oldest 1/2 bro resents her for dumping them & marrying my dad. The next oldest 1/2 bro resents her for chasing off his dad, marrying my dad & dumping us on them.

Then she did indeed marry my dad. My dad was more like a 5th kid who helped pay house payments & bills. He was only around long enough to punch, whip, kick or throw a kid around for no reason. Otherwise he worked, napped, ate & went out for coffee. Occasionally he'd watch a little TV. But mostly he went out for coffee. Not because he loved coffee...he went out to hang out with people & impress them with his mad jokes.

They were married about 13 years or so. She said she did it for the kids. We spent the whole time praying for the divorce. So the 2nd oldest resented her for chasing off his dad. The last 2 resented her for sticking with ours & then also the next one wayyyyy longer then she should've.

Whereas our father was physically abusive & neglectful...mom's last man was verbally/mentally abusive. He ran the youngest & I out before we could graduate & grow up. And he continued the abuse long after we grew up & whether we lived there or not. Between the 2 of them they didn't have many visitors.

Except for me & mine. Partially because I was the only daughter & didn't have anybody else. That's one of the things my mom & I shared...the resentment of all the males in the family. But partially because I had a sick kid & my mom was our only help therefore I was forever in her debt. I spent many weekends cleaning & mowing when I didn't own a house...just to pay off my debt. And I spent too many being bashed right in front of my only child...teaching her to disrespect me.

People used to play me for the middle man. Mom asked me what's up & I said go ask them. They asked me what's up & I said go ask her. Many times I warned we should get if not group therapy at least individual therapy. But they don't think chiropractors are real doctors...they also don't think shrinks are real doctors.

My beloved grandpa had a biopsy on a Friday & was dead by Monday of cancer. It tore his family up. One aunt accused my granny, who told him to get the biopsy, of killing him. She was disowned...& with her went her 3 kids. As for the rest of them...for the most part they only got together once a year at x-mas time. Once we moved back home & the parties moved from my granny's to my mom's, my granny & 2 sons quit coming much. So we were down to 3 daughters & 2 sons.

My poor granny, after laying on the couch about 25 years or so waiting to join her hubby, finally did. She died about a week or two before x-mas. She left her house & most of the money to 1 of 8 kids...upset the rest. The same 5 kids got together once a year but one of them inherited most everything & the rest weren't thrilled with him so things were a bit tense.

Finally it was my mom's turn. I got divorced in 1999. In between 1999 & 2003 when I lived with her she decided to go on her first cruise ever. About a week before they left my mom's jerk of a hubby told her he was leaving her when they got back...he needed his space. She still went on the cruise with him anyway. When they got back...sure enough he moved out. So they got divorced & she got the house.

We lived with her a few months. Although I was still angry...we had some of the best times ever. On Fridays we drank margaritas & watched Practical Magic together. Since we worked close to each other we rode to work in one car...stopping off for a ham & cheese croissant on the way. I was already into web page design & image editing...& she was my feedback...not to mention my only "word of mouth" advertising. Otherwise we spent those months with her telling me "if I die...this item goes to this person...that item goes to that person". And I'd tell her to hush...she had many years to go.

Well I was wrong. Her & my kid when on that Atkinson's (sp?) diet. They both lost weight but mom kept losing. She lost so much weight she was able to take her wedding ring off for the first time in years. She was afraid it would have to be cut off...but it eventually slipped right off. We moved out into a nearby apartment complex & mere months later I was shocked to show up x-mas eve as usual & find her very sick. Everybody who showed up for the x-mas eve party told her to go to the doctor.

So she did. And they told her she had bronchitis or walking pneumonia, fluid around her heart & lungs & possibly a small spot of cancer near a kidney. They wanted to do a biopsy to see how bad it was. By the next appt it went from all the above to the last stages of lung cancer. They offered to do chemo & radiation & wrote her a prescription for a wig. And even though she was hacking up junk in their lobby they still let her go home.

She never made it to get a wig. The day she was supposed to go shopping she wouldn't answer the door. When she finally did they found her barely breathing, called doctors & was told to take her to the ER. She never saw the outside world again.

The couple-three weeks she was in the hospital was a circus. All of a sudden you learn about things like living wills, DNR's, POA's & regular old fashioned wills. Thanks to what our granny did my 3 brothers assumed our mom would do the same thing. At least the 2nd oldest did so he slit my throat. Nobody stopped him. At least one stranger joined him in assuming & judging. I had to go casket, plot & headstone shopping with these people.

Meanwhile thanks to IV's my mom's veins collapsed before they ever realized what the problem was. There was a surgery too hook IV's up to main arteries before any other. The next surgery was to remove the tumor blocking most of her bronchial tube. They missed & cut something they shouldn't have causing internal bleeding. They dragged 2 of 3 brothers in to ask them what they should do...put her on life support or not? They couldn't decide so they had my mom wake up in this condition to ask her what she wanted...even though she'd already done a living will & DNR.

My brothers said they yelled at her. One said it was like stuffing a pillow over someone's face & pulling it back & asking if they want air. My mom said yes. She was on life support a day & they tried the surgery again. The 2nd time it worked but it was too late...my mom had enough. She told them to pull her life support. As soon as they got her off she was screaming for oxygen. Even with it going full blast it wasn't helping much. They gave her something to help her sleep & she never woke up again. My kid & I were the only 2 in the room when her machines shut off.

Then I did what she told me to all those months I lived with her. Get her paperwork. This thing goes to this person & that to that person. There wasn't much. My mom's money went first & foremost into her house. Then into her savings & such. Finally into her gambling & traveling habits. She went on another cruise. She went to Las Vegas a few times. She went to nearby casinos at least once a month. She didn't buy the finer things in life: fancy clothes, expensive jewelry, accessories of any kind really, china, crystal, silver, etc.

Well I was accused of stealing junk & threatened with prison the night before my mom's funeral. Every time I remember it I feel like my heart's going to blow right out of my chest. None of them stopped to consider they were surely slandering me in front of my young cousins, nieces, nephews & my own kid. What must they think of us?

I've never been the same. It took my mom a whole month to die & in that month I lost my last job, her & our family. Then the weekend after I buried her I dumped a boyfriend. I haven't been able to mourn her properly because there was no one to mourn with. But also in the 7 years since she died it's just been one thing after another. I also haven't really "celebrated" a holiday since.

I spend my time waiting to die watching others beat me to it. On my father's side there was 12 kids & all are gone but 2 including my dad. My dad's almost constantly sick, he's been on life support twice already & he just had a stroke last weekend. On my mom's side an uncle died in 2008 leaving only 6. And on 1/27/11...7 years & 3 days after my mom's anniversary...my 36ish year old cousin was found dead by her teenage son.

Actually it's been quite a year so far. In Jan I went to the ER. Then I learned a friend died...over a year before. Then my kid's great aunt died. It was my mom's anniversary. My cousin died. And it was my grandpa's anniversary. So far in Feb. after 14 years of fighting I've finally found a doctor willing to do a scope/hysterectomy & my father's had a stroke. And my kid's 94 year old granny's sick & supposed to die any day. The month isn't even 1/2 way over.


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