I can understand how u feel dear. I too lost my husbandon 16th oct 2008 , and i too did one of his ceremonies on our 11th wedding anniversary.Its the most painful and terrible thing one can go through.
With every breath i take his name is woven in it.
Yes it is like a bad dream .........and all u wish is .....it ends as soon as possible.
and if u feel he is yr soul mate ...............wait for the day when u will meet again.he is waiting to greet u at the other side.and if u feel u can take to him ..........its true u surely can. I talk to my husband through auto writing , and that had given me peace and the strength to live .
U are not crazy. this is what true love is.
Try writing to his email.thats i do . it does help u more than and treatment or medication.
feel free to contact me .I'm a normal person like u struggling each moment, searching for him.
radha_007raj@rediffmail.comTake care and be strong .He loved u so much he would never be at peace seeing u in such a state.