I am 27 Years old. My mom just passed away on January 17, 2011 at the age of 53. She had been dealing with Stage 4 colon cancer and had 2 surgeries to get rid of it and than had been doing chemo every other week for about 6 months. On decemeber 28th, she had to be taken to the hospital bc she fell down her steps in the house and hurt herself. After hours there, they also found out she had pnemonuia. She was having issues breathing. She was in a small room with a roommate. After some hours on oxygen, she was having more issues breathing so they immeditly took her to Intermediate Intensive care. Late that night we left bc she was tired and needed to rest. The next morning i recieved a call bc she had to be put on a ventalator bc her breathing had gotten worse and also was moved to intensive care. She was there for almost 3 weeks and pretty much knocked out the whole time. There was times where she had her eyes open but had no clue what was going on although when she started moving around and was upset, i would hold her hand and talk to her and she would calm down so i know she knows we were there. The friday before she passed, they took her off the ventilator and was just on an oxygen mask bc she was doing better. ( A HUGE MISTAKE THE HOSPITAL DID AND I BLAME THEM FOR HER DEATH BUT ITS TOO MUCH TO GO INTO). Saturday i was there and she was awake and i started rubbing her hand and she looked at me and said " Your hand is cold". That was my mom, always cold. I laughed. We were talking, showing her pictures of my girls and watching the ravens game. From 7-8Pm you have to leave the room for shift changes. Thats when it all went down hill. Basically she was struggling to breath and had to be put back on the ventilator. We had a close call with her earlier in her hospital stay and were told she prolly wouldnt make it through the night so the whole family was there to say goodbye although i was never ready to say goodbye. Back to the present, We got the call that her breathing was worseing, and they had the vent up as high as it would go. Basically she was dying slowly. We ended up making the most painful decission in our lives and had the doctor give my mom extra sedation and turn off the machines so she wouldnt suffer anymore. I cant stand the fact i agreed to it anymore bc miracles happen everyday and my mom was a strong woman and i really think it wasnt her time to go but i will never know now. She passed on with us all at her bedside at 4:55pm on January 17, 2011. There is alot more to this but much to long to type. I have 3 siblings, 2 sisters and 1 brother. I am the youngest. I was my moms sweetpea. She was my bestfriend and i never let her go anywhere without me growing up. I miss her so much and i dont know how to deal with this. I have 3 young daughters and it kills me to know they wont have her growing up. She was way to young to go. I try so hard to not think about it but the minute i do, i loss it and i loss it bad. I need someone to talk too. I feel so alone and i cant stand it. If theres anyone else who has experienced something like i have, id love to talk to you..
![Sad :(](./images/smilies/icon_sad.gif)