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 Post subject: My mind is playing tricks on me
PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 12:01 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:43 pm
Posts: 1
On February 28, 2010 my brother Kyle passed away from cancer at age 22. He had been battling it for six months and had been in the hospital for exactly five weeks to the date of his death. I just feel so lost now. Yet still I keep hoping that it was all a joke. That he is not really gone. That someone anyone is just going to pop out of somewhere laughing at me saying HAHA GOTCHA!! And Kyle will be OK.. What makes this so much harder is the cancer he had is so rare that most oncologist have only heard of it never treated in and they had never treated it in someone so young. He was only 21 when he was diagnosed. And dead at 22. He fought so valiantly and hard every step of the way. Now I just do not know what to do. We have buried him. Said our goodbyes. I have returned to work but I still wake up during the night with nightmares seeing the breath leave his body. Hearing how much he was struggling to breath in those last hours.. How hard he was still fighting for him for our family. My anxiety levels are so high right now it makes simple functioning a joke. I have done what I am supposed to do with that. I saw my doctor this week and start therapy on Thursday.. But still my mind is being cruel to me telling me this is all a joke. He is not really gone.. He cannot be really gone. He is my little brother he is supposed to be the one constant in my life that I grow old with. We were supposed to raise our kids together. We were supposed to decide what to do with our parents when they got too old. I'm supposed to be able to call him when I have a problem.. He's supposed to be around so I can just give him that look that says "dude, mom is driving me nuts!" and he knows exactly what that means! I just do not know how to cope with this. I don't know what to do or say. I don't know how to really talk about it with my friends or my parents. I just don't want to say anything that will make them hurt more.. And talking about it makes it more real. It means it is real. I know its real but I really don't want it to be.. Alls I really know right now is my heart hurts.. I never thought my heart could hurt this much but it does..

This is my brother Kyle. I am so very proud of him for how hard he fought and just the kind of person he was. So loving caring compassionate smart. God was he smart.

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 Post subject: Re: My mind is playing tricks on me
PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 10:52 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2010 4:49 pm
Posts: 3
I know exactly want you are saying about not wanting to believe that it really happened and he is really gone. It has been 6 mths now since my little sister passed in an automotive accident on her way from my house in sc back to college in ga. I know she is really gone but I just want to keep thinking that she is gone out of the country and will be back later. Our family is a Christian family and do believe that we will see Kayla again one day. It just hurts so bad when everything we do or hear reminds us of her. I am sure it is the same way with you and your brother. I will visit your brothers page and light a candle for him . If you have a minute you are welcome to visit my sisters.

PS..Hang in there!!!!I will keep u in my prayers!!!!!

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 Post subject: Re: My mind is playing tricks on me
PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 8:40 am 

Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2012 4:03 am
Posts: 37
I feel so sorry for death of your brother by cancer. May god keep his soul in peace. Please take care of your health.

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