Physical pain/weakness?

Drea · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 2:30 am

I am having one of my harder days today. It is/was Sunday, and I didn't have to work. I did whatever I could to sleep as long as I could. Finally at 3pm I got myself up out of bed. My grandmother's birthday was Friday, and tonight we were having our birthday dinner for her since the whole family was available tonight. I forced myself to put on sweatpants and a t-shirt (I look awful). It was an at home dinner. If we had to go out I wouldn't have been able to make it. I just feel so weak. I don't know how I'll make it through a day at work. Each day takes so much out of me. I count down minutes until I can leave.

My heart sometimes hurts. Physically. It's really only on days like this where I can only think of Laura, Elliott and all of you grieving for your children. I had an awful headache as well, even pain killers couldn't cure.

I know we all have the physical pain from missing our loved ones. Do you just feel so weak you want nothing more than to not exist anymore?

Such is life, I suppose.

txlouise · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:27 am

OH Yes. Since Keren had died,I have no energy whatsoever.I went from a very energetic 47 year old to a very old,no energy old women in 2 short years.And the aches and pains I have now.It seems so long ago now that I was happy with life and had a zest for life,but it has only been from march 18 2006 :cry:

Much love too you,Louise

Susan · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 10:35 am

Drea,

I'm so sorry. This is so hard, isn't it? One day at a time sweetie....

Love and hugs,
Susan

Barbara · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 10:37 am

Drea,
I feel the same way.I have no energy anymore and have to make myself get up get dressed and leave the house.If I never had to leave the house again it would be fine with me and like you I hurt all over.I haven't been lighting candles latlely because ever time I try I just burst in to tears.When will it all end?
I'm keeping you in my prayers and close to my heart as I do each and everyone.
Love,
Barbara

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

THIS IS HOW I FEEL TOO,I HAVE SO MANY ACHES I FEEL LIKE IM 90 YEARS OLD. I GET OUT OF BED HURTING AND GO TO BED WITH ACHES.LIFE JUST GOES ON AROUND ME BUT I AM IN STAND STILL MODE FOR EVER MORE.I KNOW JESUS WILL SEE ME THROUGH TILL THE END.EVEN WHEN I CANT GO ANYMORE

Lynda · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 2:15 pm

Dear Drea,
I also lack the energy I once had, and the patients. I don't like to leave my house much unless Craig is with me...I suffer from anxiety ever since the accident, although it is getting better thanks to my medication. If anything, it is reassuring to know we are not alone. (((HUGS))) Continueing to keep you, your hubby, and your work situations in my prayers.
Hugs,
Lynda

Jo Ann · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:13 pm

Yes I know exactly what you mean. My energy level for the first 2 years was about nil. I forced myself to work and came home and feel into bed. Now, i can not do near what i could do before Krystal died. I am trying lately not to be so hard on myself, but I miss the desire to live that i use to have. i would be just fine if my heart just stopped beating and I died.
love,

Jo Ann · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:21 pm

Sweet Lynda,

I forgot to put this in the previous post. Sweetie, I too suffer from panic attacks and anxiety since Krystal died. I love you and am sorry you have to endure this also. Panic and anxiety has completely changed what I am able to do. Before Krystal died I was totally different. Now I panic when I hear sirens, see a car accident, see any kind of violence on tv, see hospital, morgue pics on tv, get stuck in traffic, go into a crowded room, hate to get into elevators...on and on...any situation where I feel I do not have "control." Which I know is ridiculious, because basically no one has control over most external factors in life. Needless to say all I can watch ontv now is HGTV and the Discovery channel. I can not read books with accidents, murders, deaths, violence. My Sweet Lynda, I know how terrrifying anxiety and panic can be. i am sending you my love,

MadameApothecary · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:53 pm

Yes there are days when I feel so weak and drained and as you said just want to stop existing for a while. It is so very hard. I notice these feelings more on days when I am most emotionally and spiritually down; I think it is these feelings manifesting themselves physically. For the past 6 months, I have been pretty much wallowing in this drained and weakened state. I am trying to get through it and past it. The main thing that keeps me going and trying is my son. I know that I have to be here for him, as I am basically the only parent he has (his dad is a- whole -nother saga, lol) His life and knowing that he needs me and how much he loves me gives me what strength I have. Since March I have lost all interest in the things that I used to enjoy. I am working towards getting back into my previous hobbies (I used to love belly dance, bead work, crafty things, etc) and towards rebuilding my hobby-business (herbs, holistic healing). After Laura's death, I just let everything go that wasn't what I considered essential towards providing for my son. I let myself go. I have allowed myself to wallow in this pain for 6 months. I feel like it is time to get myself back, but not the same self that I was...nothing will ever be the same. I want to be better than I was before, I want to spend more time with my son than I did before...things like that. On the days that I have when I feel so exceptionally drained and weak, I think about my son and about how I know Laura would probably kick me in the butt for letting this get me so down.It isn't easy, but it helps. I know that everyone has to go through these things at their own rate and take the route that suits them best. I hope that all of you can find the strength you need to get through these painful times.

Physical pain/weakness?

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