A rough time....

Tonya · **Posted:** Sun Oct 07, 2007 7:13 pm

Hello all my dear, dear friends. I apologize for not being on so much this weekend; I'm just not myself right now. Tomorrow brings back a flood of memories for me; a bitter sweet mixture of excruciating pain, exhaustion and happiness. Tomorrow marks 6 years that my boys were born and went home to live with Jesus. My heart is breaking right now. I can't seem to understand why they can't be here with me.....even after all this time. How I would love to hear their feet running through the house with their little sister chasing after them. How I would love to hear them say "I love you Mommy." But, unfortunately, I know that this can never happen. At least not while here on Earth. My arms ache to hold them once more, to look at their perfect little faces. What I would give to have the chance to kiss their little noses once more. Why does it have to hurt so much? Why doesn't it get any easier? Why does this have to happen??? I wish I had these answers; not only for me, but for everone else as well.

Thank you all so much for being here. I am honored to call you my friends. I love you all so very much.

Lynda · **Posted:** Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:31 pm

Dear Tonya,
We all understand how difficult tomorrow will be for you. I ask the same questions. Why were we chosen??? I have never met more loving mothers in all my life than in here, but yet our angels are not with us...this time of year always gets the best of me. If we all lived closer I would invite everyone over to a big group hug just to try and make it through all these decorations, children playing, families laughing...while we try and just get through our angels birthdays and angelversaries. My heart breaks for you and I am so sorry. You have truly been a blessing in my life and I can only imagine Jordan & Jaydon smiling from heaven with pride at their Mommy and sissy. At any point you need to talk to someone tomorrow, you know where you can find us. Email any one of us and we will be more than happy to share our phone numbers with you. That goes for everyone in here!
Hugs,
Lynda

Jo Ann · **Posted:** Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:41 pm

Tonya these questions you asked are ones I and probally every grieving parent asks

Why does it have to hurt so much? Why doesn't it get any easier? Why does this have to happen???

I do not have any answers, but I here with all of us to share each other's journey. My love to you and everyone.

Hi Sweet Lynda, I love reading your posts. Get some rest and hopefully you will not become ill like the rest of your sweet family.

Love,

JANE_E · **Posted:** Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:35 pm

Dear Tonya,

Lynda said it all, we're here, we understand and we care. The other part of that is that we're alway available.

God Bless you,
Love, hugs, prayers,
jane

Cindy · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:33 am

Tonya, I know and I'm so sorry. I understand with all I have in me what you're going through and I wish I could do something to help you. Prayer is all I know to do but I believe it will be enough. I have been and will continue to lift you in my prayers. I'm leaving something here for sweet Jaydon & Jordan. I'm going to put them on their site for them tomorrow if I can figure out how to. They match the ones I gave to Wayne and Buck. I thought it would be sweet if they all had one alike.
Love and prayers, Cindy

Jaydon

Jordan

Cece · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 2:07 am

My dearest Tonya,
My thoughts and my prayers are with you. I wish I could just wrap my arms around you and hold you while we have a good cry. Jaydon and Jordan are in my prayers as well. I hope they come and see you in your dreams and give you sweet baby kisses.
Lucy

Tonya · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 8:11 am

As I said before, today marks 6 years that I blessed with the lives of sweet Jaydon and Jordan. And as painful as these memories are, I wouldn't trade them for anything. For some unknown reason, God blessed me with these lives. And because of everything that happened, I know that it made me a stronger, better person. BUT, I can't help but ask why they can't be here with me. I dream about how my life would be right now with them here. In reality, that's all I can do anymore, is dream. At least until the that glorious day when I can be with them once again.

Thank you all so very much for your sweet, kind words. It means the world to me to know that I have such dear friends in my life. It makes times like these a little more bearable. I thank God each and every day for all of you. I am holding all of your and your precious Angels in my prayers. I know that God has a special place for all of you.

Cindy....what a special person you are. Thank you so much for the beautiful bears. I love them, and I know that Jaydon & Jordan love them as well. How precious.

I love all of you with all of my broken heart.

Tanya · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 10:37 am

Tonya~Please know I am thinking of you today as I do everyday. Jaydon and Jordon are special little angels and will forever be embedded into my heart. I too wish I had the answers to "WHY" because I ask myself the same questions over and over again, but I can't.

Just remember we are all here for you no matter what.

Hugs and I love you!

Barbara · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 10:42 am

Tonya,
I understand how hard it is for you.I just know your two little angels are shining down on you giving you strength.You,Jaydon and Jordon will always be in heart.God bless you.
Love and Huigs,
Barbara

Tonya · **Posted:** Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:37 am

I sit hear reading your kind, loving, heartfelt words and they just warm my heart. My dear friends, you have made this day a little less painful. I could never say thank you enough for everything that you have done for me. I am sending you all many, many (((hugs))).

I love you!!!

A rough time....

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