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"She was perfect as can be."
I’m bleeding. Am I loosing my baby?
Can I stop it from happening?
What are the signs?
What do I do if .............?
What is a D&C?
Does the surgery cause any damage?
Should I wait?
What does this mean on my medical form?
How do I explain what happened?
What causes pregnancy loss?
How can I stop it from happening again?
Will I ever be able to have more children?
How often does this happen?
Will it ever happen again?
Why can’t anyone tell me why my baby died?
How soon can I get pregnant again?
Why are there so many different answers to that question?
Will my cycles go back to normal?
And when will I stop bleeding?
Why do I feel so sick and totally exhausted?
When will I feel better?
Did I do anything wrong?
Do I know if I am ovulating?
Could it possibly happen again?
I name our baby Amore, and have a memorial in our home, just a few friends and family.
We already have a healthy baby, maybe this means it was just a one-time thing.
Guess what? Three months later it happened again.
Should I save the tissue?
Can we start testing?
Will I get our baby’s remains after?
Our precious Cara.
What? Why do we have to wait for three pregnancy losses before testing?
It couldnt possibly happen again? Your chances are increased now.
How can I get pregnant faster?
Will stress cause another pregnancy loss?
Just try to remain calm.
I am so sad, so angry. Am I going crazy?
Should I be worried about my thoughts?
Why won’t anyone talk about my babies?
Why isn’t my husband just as sad? Its such a common thing.
Why is everyone saying such stupid & thoughtless words?
Like, "Never mind, it wasnt as bad this time. At least you have one daughter."
How do I handle all the questions, their directions?
How do I get through the first days back at church, school, store etc.?
I tell my child, its like a rose whose petals fly when they die.
I tell all of the people I know of my pain.
Some stay, some go -
Thank God, He's right by my side or I wouldnt have survived.
Months pass of consuming anxiety, guilt and panic attacks.
What are my chances of a pregnancy loss after one, two, or more?
You know the answer to that.
Then a calm, the peace that surpasses all understanding floods over me.
A year later our second earth angel is born.
I feel superhuman, invincible.
Still its nine months before I sleep through the night.
This was just a once off thing even if it happened twice.
I want so much to complete our family.
Im pregnant again, what delight.
Whats that? Should I check, lots of trips to the bathroom and then yes.
This time its blood.
I’ve been spotting and cramping for weeks. When will it end?
Is it normal for the bleeding to stop and start again?
Why do I still feel pregnant?
Pregnancy, confirmed ended.
Teressa, my daughter names her.
How many pregnancy losses are too many?
Ive had three pregnancy losses now, and your still saying I dont need testing?
Why am I so jealous of pregnant women?
What did I do wrong?
I thought it was just a once off thing, thats already happened now three times.
I don’t have any remains, what shall I do?
Chaplian at the hospital organised a nice memorial.
Ive lost my immunity to Ruebella, get a shot.
Now I must not get pregnant in the next 3 months.
Its alright, Im not even alive.
Im the walking wounded, there's nothing that can console.
I cant go out. I cry all the time.
God's grace gives me tenacity and yes Im pregnant first go.
Three months pass, lucky at last.
Ill have three in heaven and three on earth.
I scream out loud, the sales lady comes running,
Sit down" she says, there's blood on the carpet, "I'll get you a towel."
The irony did not escape me, I was purchasing a maternity bra.
The ultrasound was good, my precious baby alive.
I know the drill.
Another two weeks pass, bleeding stops, ultra sound good.
Cant think the worst.
Christmas and New Year pass, another appointment.
It cant be right.
No heartbeat. Not me. Its someone else.
Another ultrasound. Sorry no heartbeat found.
Please sign these forms, your uterus could rupture.
Not very likely but then you havent had much luck have ya?
You've never had labour, we dont know how long it will take,
maybe today or tomorrow or a couple of days.
Im not really here, this cant be happening, its not really me.
What if the doctor is wrong?
Fourteen hours later our beautiful girl is born
with a smile on her face and in that instant the physical pain was gone.
Our Pieta's body is held for more than a week.
I organised the funeral.
My husband through tears could not speak.
How do I face my cousin she's pregnant still, but not me?
She has a girl too, it takes me a year almost to see.
How do I handle, being alive?
Whats birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas?
Just where can I go to hide?
Oh I see, if they had tested after three,
I would have known it was a blood clotting disorder, because
she was perfect as can be.
Copyright Maria Zollo 2007.
All rights reserved.
_________________ Amore, Cara, Teressa & Pieta ~ AngelBabys', AngelStars.
Pieta ~ "Mercy, Compassion, Love.
Love is for giving, forgiving."
"We are all special, have worth and talents and are
deserving of love and capable of loving."
Peter Zollo.
http://www.freewebs.com/pregnancyloss-hope/index.htm
Last edited by SeventhHeaven on Sun Oct 21, 2007 10:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
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