SOMETHING THAT BREAKS MY HEART

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

IT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE A NICE THING,WHEN CHRIS WOULD MEET A GIRL HE WOULD ALWAYS BRING HER HOME TO MEET HIS DAD AND I,WELL MATT MET A GIRL AT SCHOOL AND BOUGHT HER HOME YESTERDAY.AS SOON AS SHE WALKED IN SHE SEEN CHRIS,S PICTURE ON MY COMPUTER DESK TOP OF HIM AND HIS DOG AUSTIN,SHE SAID WHERE DID YOU GET THAT DOG,MY DAD HAS ALWAYS WANTED 1.AND I HAD TO TELL HER ABOUT CHRIS.AND THEN I COULDNT STOP TALKING ABOUT CHRIS.MATT DIDNT SEEM TO MIND ,BUT I KNOW I FELT SOMETHING I HAVE NEVER FELT BEFORE.THIS IS A GIRL WHO DOESNT KNOW US AND CHRIS ISNT HERE THIS IS ALL NEW.I AM NOT READY FOR A LIFE WITHOUT CHRIS HERE.IM NOT READY TO HAVE THAT LOOK SHE GAVE ME OF SHOCK.IM NOT READY FOR MY SONS TO BRING HOME A GIRLFRIEND WITHOUT THEIR BROTHER TO TEASE THEM TO GIVE THEM ADVISE.ITS NOT RIGHT.

Cindy · **Posted:** Thu Nov 08, 2007 10:44 am

Oh Carla, I know. We want big brother to be there to help keep an eye on things and help make sure everything is alright don't we? Everything new that comes around be it girl friends, or with my kids (boyfriends), new babies, new cars new anything is so hard when our kids aren't here to experience them with us. It makes us just want to shut down and refuse to continue on. But...it just continues on anyway whether we like it or not and that causes such sadness and many times much anger. It leaves us feeling so drained and like we have absolutely no control over anything. I know, believe me I know.
I wish I could help you handle it better. I wish I could make it all better. I wish we had our boys! I can and I will pray for you. I know the Lord is the only one that can really help. Keep leaning on Him Carla, he will be your help.
Love and prayers, Cindy

Barbara · **Posted:** Thu Nov 08, 2007 11:36 am

Carla,
My heart just breaks for you.We should not have to be here everything SHOULD still be the same.I know I will probably have the same feelings when it comes time for Jacob to start bringing girlfriends home.It is hard when it comes to fishing,sports etc things Michael always did with him.I wish we had are boys/girls back also.The pain and anger sometimes is just so unbearable.I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers always.
Love and Hugs,
Barbara

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

and the sad thing is i may have scared her off,iif you could of seen her face.the intensity of our grief is so raw she was loo king all at our pictures on the walls.sometimes i just cant hold it in,i dont know what else to do.i think i paniced when i realized im in new territory with my grief.i went to bed sadder then normal.

Cindy · **Posted:** Thu Nov 08, 2007 12:12 pm

Oh Carla, don't put that on yourself. If she doesn't come around again it just wasn't meant to be. If she is going to have any kind of relationship with Matt...she will have to get use to it because your hard grief isn't fixing to just stop for her or anyone else. It may have upset her but she'll be ok with a little time. And like I said, if she wants a relationship with Matt she'll figure out a way to deal with it with his help.
I'm sorry this is all so hard.
Love, Cindy

Drea · **Posted:** Thu Nov 08, 2007 11:13 pm

Carla,

This is possibly the hardest part of losing someone. Life going on without them. I don't think you scared her away. Hopefully she will be there for Matt and see how much of a caring family she will get to spend time with. You all love Chris so much I'm sure in no time she will get to know him as well. He is STILL part of the family, and although she can't see him, I'm sure he can see her. (((hugs)))

Love,
Drea

SOMETHING THAT BREAKS MY HEART

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