NO presents bought

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

i just cant seem to get myself going,it is so hard this year,last year i was in numb mode,it hurts so much this year.my son,s always gave me their list in october,they havent gave me it.i have my tree up because i had tooo,and i know its Jesus,s birthday .

JANE_E · **Posted:** Wed Dec 05, 2007 6:59 pm

Carla,
me too........... I don't even have my tree up. I've been trying to spend a little time in Scott's room, getting it cleaned up for company during the holidays, but I can't spend more than a few minutes at a time in there.

I folded up his socks and underwear and put them neatly in is drawers....... and made a mental note to pick him up some new ones when I'm up town.

Then I closed the drawers, walked out and closed his door. I can't do it......... I can't do anything........ I'm heartsick and don't feel like even pretending to make a Christmas this year.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore.........

love, hugs, prayers,
jane

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

Jane,i know its so hard .i feel like just getting under my covers and not coming out,but i have to force myself because of my boys.i know with Jesus,s help we can get through it.jane i sleep with chris,s favorite blanket,it comforts me at times

MissingMyMelody&Mommy · **Posted:** Wed Dec 05, 2007 7:44 pm

I'm am right there with you ladies. I brought the tree in but it's still just sitting there in the box. I have bought absolutely NOTHING in terms of presents and not sure I will be able to this year. We are as broke as it gets. We are lucky that we don't have rent/house payment, no car payment or anything like that. All we have to pay for is our cell phones, which are turned off because we don't have the money to pay the bill and the electricity bill. I feel so bad for my living babies because I want them to have a good Christmas but we can't even afford to keep gas in the van (that is broken as of yesterday) to get Sonny to work and back. We are beyond poor. And we can't get a headstone for Melody's grave, I lost all of mine and the kids stuff that was in storage and had to tell them. Jarred was very upset. Someone stole my mom's jewelry that my daddy gave me after she died, including her WEDDING RINGS. I just don't feel like Christmas at all. I'm sending much love and many hugs and prayers to you both.

Lots of love,
Crystal

Cindy · **Posted:** Wed Dec 05, 2007 8:15 pm

Carla, I have 4 kids here, one son-in-law and a grandson and I've bought 1 present for 1 daughter yesterday. Not doing so well with it all this year but that's not new. Maybe next week I'll go and get it all done at one time with a little push and shove from Bobby and a lot of help from the Lord. The first year or really the second Christmas after B.J. died (since he died right before Christmas) I literally walked around like a zombie to do my shopping and cried nearly the whole time. My kids use to give me a list way ahead of time too...since B.J. died they have never given me a list. :cry:

They wrapped each others gifts because I told them if they didn't I was putting them under the tree in Wal-Mart bags and I meant it. They understood and still love me. About the only good thing about it is they have learned what Christmas is really all about. Their whole perspective has changed...even the little ones.
I haven't put our tree up. We're going to on Saturday maybe. That 1st year it was a 2 ft tree. The next 3 years it was a 4 ft tree and this year someone gave us a 6 ft tree so that's what we're using. I don't want to but not using it isn't going to bring B.J. back so I'm just going with it.
I'm praying for you'll cause I know exactly what you're feeling like and I'm so sorry.
Love and prayers, Cindy

Barbara · **Posted:** Wed Dec 05, 2007 8:58 pm

Carla,
I know how you feel.If it weren't for Jacob and the other kids I would just not put up my tree.This is my first Christmas without Michael and I walk around in a daze most of the time.Christmas just won't be the same with out him this year. If I could sleep through it I would.
This is such a difficult time for all of us and I know there are no words that will take the pain away but I wish there were.I will be keeping you and everyone in my thoughts and prayers for God to give us the strength we all need right.
Sending you many,many {{{{hugs}}},
love,
Barbara

JANE_E · **Posted:** Wed Dec 05, 2007 11:19 pm

Christmas is supposed to be such a warm loving family time, but it also is a huge reminder of those loved ones no longer with us...........especially when it's a child.

It just fills me with pain, I know I have to pull myself together and make it a decent Christmas for the little ones, but truthfully, I have no ambition or enthusiasm for it at all.

Like Barbara, I'd sleep through it if I could. I hate, and I do mean hate, to hear the Christmas Carroll's .........they feel as if they're ripping off huge scabs from my heart and leaving it to bleed out.

When Scott was little he memorized every Christmas song you could imagine and could sing them all, from beginning to end......... he was our little performer and we loved him so much. So,now every time I hear a song, that little boy face pops into my mind and it hurts so much I can't breathe....... I'll walk out of a store if they're playing them...

I use to love Christmas music....... I have so many cd's.........but I'm not playing any music anymore. I even keep the speakers turned off on my computer so I can't hear the music on the memory sites.

I hope some of this will recede in years to come...........

Love you all,
jane

Lynda · **Posted:** Thu Dec 06, 2007 12:36 am

I just wanted to come and send you all (((HUGS)))! I just came home not long ago from attempting my ump-tenth time to Christmas shop for my other children, so I know exactly how you all are feeling. It is so very difficult...but I don't know what I would do without them either. Sending my dear angel families lots of prayers right now during this difficult time of year...remember, there is no wrong or right way to spend time with your family, including Christmas...just be sure to take care of yourself first so you can be there better for them.
Hugs,
Lynda

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

I hope i can get a present bought next week.I know my boys need to feel Christmas is still celebrated like we did.Its Jesus,s birthday,but i feel such a heavy heart.i cant explain it.i feel like a weight of 300 pounds is on me.i look at Chris,s pictures and i still don't understand why,and i look for Chris to come through the door with a big smile.i long so bad to wake up from this nightmare.

Cindy · **Posted:** Thu Dec 06, 2007 12:27 pm

{{{Carla}}}
I'm praying for you. Love, Cindy

NO presents bought

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